14 June 2011

I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

I want to show you this but I probably won't. I justifiably could though, given all the times you've been so joltingly honest with me.

I wonder if a whole year will go by without me thinking of you every day. Sometimes I just want to think of someone else.

While your list of cons far outstretches the pros, I still think you're perfect. I told you I loved you, and you asked me not to. And I try.

I can remember every. single. thing. Conversations, smiles, breaths, attraction and affection, the love I felt, the hurt I felt, and the frustration. Everything. And the feelings between us are likely to be so uneven, weighted to my crazy, irrational, not a chance in hell but I'll keep loving you anyway side.

There's a reason that I keep buried inside - a reason why you still mean so much to me. I can't articulate it to anyone, not to you, not even to myself. I wonder if I'll ever find that again.

My life isn't on hold. I'm having a great time. I'm not waiting for you. Of course I'd love for you to hold me again, even for us to talk and laugh together again. I'm being a realist, knowing better than those wishes. I am waiting for the day when my heart and mind is with someone else. I look forward to someone else catching my eye. For thoughts of them to make me dizzy with excitement. I haven't felt that for so long. Not since you.


  1. I know it sounds like a cliche but it will get easier xo

  2. Wow, this is so powerful, so beautiful that it makes my breath catch. I only hope that you are okay, sounds like some serious heartache happening here... Hang in there and remember the one who is worth your tears will never make you cry x

  3. Big hug Carly. I saw you in the distance at Coles yesterday but by the time I had wrangled my two slightly naughty boys and the trolley and the shopping you had disappeared from view. I'm sorry I didn't get to say hi sweet girl. Take care ok xxxx

  4. do something excellent for yourself and don't long for a day when you think of somebody else.
    look forward to the day when you will have thoughts for yourself only. it's actually the first step to ever being happy with someone.

  5. Thanks for your vulnerability, Carly. Been there...raw. I can feel your strength and I know you'll find your way. Peace.

  6. *hug* I've been there girl, so I know how you feel. Don't worry - the day will come when you wake up and don't think of them, then you will go a whole week or weekS without thinking of them. You will find someone else. I know that's cold comfort right now, but it will happen. Just keep living your amazing life for you and good things will come your way!

  7. How you put this into such articulate words amazes me. We've always been here Carly. And you will, I promise, realise at some point that you've actually not thought about him for a week, a month, a year, years. It will happen because you deserve the best.

  8. Your words ring so true. I felt like this for four years. Four whole years, every day recalling every single thing. And then, I met somebody who finally stopped me thinking. And now I can't ever imagine thinking about them. Even now as I try, I just can't find that memory anymore.


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