02 July 2010

Wine bottles

I once mentioned that my life is a slippery slope of Vaseline.

My doorknobs. Light switches. Remote control. Gosh, hands up who wants to visit my house? I made it out to be so unappealing!

When I am with other people, I ask them to open my drinks. Make like a girl. Boys like being useful. People that really know me just laugh. My inability to open bottles may be my one actual disability resulting from this ichthyosis caper.

Tonight it took me 10 minutes to open a screw cap bottle of wine. Seriously. 10 minutes.

I used a knife, a wet cloth and two rubber gloves.

By the time I opened it, I wanted to guzzle.

While I admit I am a weakling, a premature baby bird at times, needing to be beak-fed, I didn't think opening a bottle of wine could be beyond my strength. Hell, there have been times when I've carried large televisions.

Sometimes when I am at the bottle-o they ask me for ID. Sometimes when I am at the bottle-o I ask them to unscrew my wine so it is easy for me to open at home. I hurriedly explain I am not going to drink drive. It's rather embarrassing.

Even those grip mat things get so slippery with Vaseline they lose their grip and don't serve their purpose.

Life shouldn't be this way. More bottles need to come with corks for my benefit. That or I need a strong man. Preferably one who does not moisturise.


  1. Hello Carly
    It has been one of those days....

    Take care and here's to the weekend.

    SSG xxx

    PS - very true re Nicole Richie and Mid City.

  2. I use a jar opener like this: http://bit.ly/cuGn40 Not the most stylish of kitchen accessories but it gets the job done, even on screw-top wine :)

  3. I like your little slogan-thing above the comments: "I love receiving comments"

    Don't we all! YAY for Comment July Challenge!

    Anyway, I wanted to say that your post was sweet and heartwarming.

    I know how you feel too - to a certain degree - because I can never open bottles either.

    I like your observations about boys like being useful, and I also like that you've managed to make me think about the little things and how hard they can be for some people (such as yourself) and how we take them for granted.

  4. If it's any consolation, I've encountered several poorly-manufactured screwcaps, even though it's my favorite wine enclosure. Typically the problem is that the cap and collar are a little too loose, so it just spins, or the perforations between the cap and collar aren't deep enough.

    The best solution I've found is two sets of pliers: one to hold the collar and the other to twist off the cap. Only takes a few seconds and works every time.

    Badly sealed bottles annoy me about as much as DVDs with unskippable trailers, warnings, and other menu crap. Go ahead and add CD shrinkwrap to the list. There's no reason to make it so difficult for your customers to enjoy your product.


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