Showing posts with label body image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label body image. Show all posts

17 June 2015

Finding my Hair Romance (Still not Rapunzel, and that's ok.)

This post was originally written for my friend - blogging and hair superstar - Christina who is The Hair at Hair Romance. I was so excited to be featured on her blog :) It was titled STILL NOT RAPUNZEL AND THAT’S OK




My hospital file is thick. That’s what happens when you live with a rare severe illness requiring many inpatient stays and outpatient appointments throughout life. The file is more than a medical report though. While it’s filled with doctors’ notes and medical photography, it’s like a scrapbook – with pages of articles I’ve written, and locks of my hair. My hospital file has come with me from the children’s hospital to the adult hospital. A few years ago, the head dermatologist – who I’ve seen since I was six years old – flicked through the pages from my childhood. He told me that when I was a little girl, I wanted to become a doctor and have long hair like Rapunzel. My childhood dreams have not come true. I’m living a great life, but I’m not a doctor, nor can I hang my tresses over my balcony for my prince to climb.

The rare, severe illness – a skin condition called Ichthyosis – has meant my hair has never been long. And it will never rival my hospital file for thickness. The type of Ichthyosis I have (Netherton’s Syndrome) causes brittle hair, prone to breaking off at the root. My scalp is scaly.

My hair as a newborn was thick and straight – much different to my Mum’s African ‘fro. And then it fell out. At preschool and primary school, Mum would scrape together my hair into ringlet pigtails. I never wanted a haircut because my hair took so long to grow – what a waste of hair, I thought!

Mum spent half an hour each night combing my scalp – she did this until I was in my late teens. This was such precious time spent together – I would tell her about my day and we would get creative through making up stories. I am so lucky that this condition has allowed me to bond with my parents, and for the opportunity to read and write instead of playing sport or while laid up in hospital. Sometimes, when I go home to my parents, I cuddle up on the couch and ask Mum to do my scalp like old times – it feels like love.

At high school I discovered hair clips which broke my hair more, and mousse for curly hair – which gave me round, yet crunchy curls. All the girls were dying their hair with supermarket rinses – reds and burgundies. I tried henna, but it was very messy, and the white scales on my scalp ended up redder than my very dark brown hair would take.

When I was around 15, the hair just above the nape of my neck fell out. Like an undercut. Except I never wanted an undercut – they were so 1994. My scalp became itchy and bloody, and the more I scratched the less my hair grew. It became patchy at the front too – and I would clip the wispy strands over the bald spots to hide them. Dermatologists did not know the cause, nor what to do – it could have been a fungal infection, but was probably just my unpredictable skin condition playing up. It went on for two and a half years – the less I scratched it the better it became.

In the past 10 years, my hair is the best it’s ever been. While it’s not long, it’s thicker and healthier. It’s curly so it looks full. Sometimes I get bald patches when the comb nicks my scalp, but these grow back much quicker than when I was younger. I stopped using supermarket and salon shampoo, instead switching to sulphate-free shampoo (I love Alchemy and MooGoo) and I condition more than I wash my hair. I comb the scale from my scalp every second or third day, which gives it a rest from the gentle trauma of skin agitation. And I wear hats – not only to protect me from the sun, but to keep me warm. We lose so much heat from our heads. I occasionally use very gentle, moisture-rich styling products like the Body Shop’s brazil nut cream, plain coconut oil and Miss Jessica’s products for African hair that I found in New York (I love Curly Pudding).

I used to see long hair as a sign of femininity – and because my hair has always been short, it was hard to feel feminine because of this portrayal. It’s rare to see actors and models with short hair. It didn’t help that sometimes, when people stared at or commented about my skin, they’d ask why that boy had a red face. They couldn’t see past my red skin AND they thought I was a boy. Now, as I look for wedding inspiration on Pinterest, short hairstyles are lacking. But I’ve poured over pictures of Kerri Russell in her short haired phase, and pinned some beautiful photos of women wearing floral and pearl hairpieces over their short curls.

The way the media and advertising portrays people with scaly scalps can be damaging – have you seen dandruff shampoo commercials?! People with flakes in their hair and on their shoulders are depicted as dirty, unsuccessful and to be avoided. This isn’t the case. Conditions like mine can’t be treated with anti-dandruff shampoo. People with dandruff and other scaly scalp conditions shouldn’t be socially penalised for our appearance and the media and society’s perceptions of a scaly scalp.

Now I’m close to my mid -30s, I am at peace with my hair and my scalp. I love my curls, I love it short (because it makes me feel tall) and I can’t wait to wear a sparkly accessory in my hair on my wedding day. That dream of being Rapunzel is long gone – I’ve learnt to manage my hair and scalp the best I can, and realised that others’ perceptions of short hair and a scaly scalp do not detract from the person I am.

(Christina is on the left, and the other curly haired beauty is Carly Jacobs who blogs at Smaggle. Christina also blogs with her husband at Mr and Mrs Romance. You can check out Chrissy and Carly's fantastic blog course at Little Blog Big.)

23 October 2013

Chase that feeling

"And I’m a chase that feeling,

Take that pain and replace that feeling,

And I’m a take that healing then,

Stand so tall they’ll have to raise that ceiling man....

It’s got a hold on me, and I’m a chase that feeling,

Chase that feeling"

~ Chase that Feeling, The Hilltop Hoods

Words I thought I'd never utter: I can't wait to go for a run at 6.15 am. Excited about chasing that feeling. True.

I've been going to the gym for almost four weeks now. I've tried to go most days, or every second day. I love it! I'm doing cardio (walking, cycling, elliptical and running) and a weights program (squats, leg lifts, sit ups, chest presses and arm raises). I'm not good at it but I'm doing it!

I can't believe I ran 1.41 km on the treadmill last Friday - it was in around 11 minutes and was quite comfortable up to the 1 km mark. And on Monday, there were no treadmills available and so I ran 2.37 km on the elliptical trainer in 18 minutes. I'd say moving at 8-9 km an hour is running, yes? Yeah!

I didn't think I would love it as much. But once I discovered endorphins, and how regular exercise is changing my body for the better, I love it. I think it's improved my circulation as I feel warmer. I'm standing straighter. And not only am I feeling more toned, but my skin is radiant! Just radiant!

I've got lots of friends who are also posting their exercise adventures online, and this has motivated me even more. Some of them are like me - new to it and on a mission to just get moving to feel better.

Mornings are best for exercising - it gets my day off to a great start and my body is cooler than after work. I've worked out a good routine - to shower, put cream on and rest as soon as I've finished the workout - and this rest time ensures my skin feels comfortable for the day ahead. Also, the endorphins mean that I feel better through the day. Cheerier even.

I also have a veritable collection of gym outfits - leggings, tank tops and jackets, four sports bras, and an extra pair of sneakers (which seem to keep my feet cooler than my others, but don't offer the support I need. They look great though!).

Half an hour, even 45 minutes, is not a huge impost on my day. But I have found that if I'm not enjoying the music in the room, the time drags. I take my iPod and have been listening to Sia's collaborations with David Guetta and Flo Rida, Katy Perry's Roar, and Avicii's Levels - I don't know who I am anymore! The Hilltop Hoods have also been great to pace myself when running.

I'm conscious of what I'm eating - lots of vegetables, eggs, dairy, meat and fruit. And I'm so hungry - all of the time! I have only had one soft drink during this time, and I feel like I'm drinking less alcohol - stopping at two drinks when I do drink (mostly on a Friday and Saturday night).

Even more surprisingly, I decided to go in the swimming pool twice over the past weekend - and I loved it! I did some weight bearing movements standing up at the railing and with a pool noodle. I haven't been in the pool for quite some time. More please!

I'm not wanting to get skinny, I just want to feel strong and healthy. And I'm on my way. Isn't it great what the body can do?

(Source)

Have you made a commitment to exercise recently, after never doing it or enjoying it before? Do you love it?

What are your favourite songs to listen to when exercising?

 

28 June 2013

Appearance diversity: Jessica Smith's Join the Revolution

Jessica Smith, Paralympian, motivational speaker and body image activist, has created a campaign promoting healthy and positive body image. It's called Join the Revolution. I've participated at the end of this post.

She received a 2013 Layne Beachley Aim for the Stars grant to further the Join the Revolution campaign. I've asked her to write her story today. She's such a talented, positive and beautiful young woman - I'm so happy to feature her story here!

"Join The Revolution is a campaign I created with the sole aim of promoting positive body image. It was this campaign and the work I’ve done so far, that got me the Grant with Aim for The Stars.

It's really simple. I wanted a platform in which people could connect when it comes to Body Image – because these days, the opposite is what’s happening and more and more women and men feel isolated and disconnected from society due to their appearance and the societal pressure to conform to particular ideals.

So people get involved simply by holding the Join The Revolution sign (they need to print it) and then sharing their photo on social media.

 

Its about starting a positive conversation about Body Image – not size, weight, disability or any other ridiculous definition.

Join The Revolution is an awareness campaign aimed at promoting Positive Body Image. Born missing my left arm and then suffering third degree burns to my neck and chest as a toddler, my self esteem in regards to my appearance was always low. I grew up with a host of body image issues and I just felt so isolated and disconnected from family and friends because of the way I looked, I felt as though I didn’t fit in or belong.

Unfortunately the societal pressures to conform to an ‘ideal’ image took their toll and at 15 I was diagnosed with depression, bulimia and later anorexia. I battled with these illnesses for over a decade. I finally hit rock bottom in my early twenties and was hospitalised, however this was my turning point and the start of my recovery journey.

I saw firsthand the lack of services and understanding among society in regards to eating disorders and I knew that something needed to be done. I wanted to make it simple, as Eating Disorders and negative Body Image are extremely complex issues. So I decided to embark on a simple awareness campaign. I want people to start talking about these issues, because the more we talk the more chance we have of reducing the negative stigmas that are associated.

Join The Revolution is a platform in which people all over Australia and the world can unite on an issue that ironically is so isolating.

I began swimming from as young as I can remember. I loved being in the water, it was my sanctuary and form of escape in many ways. I first represented Australia at the age of 13 and my career highlight came in 2004 when I represented Australia in Athens.

Swimming and racing gave me self confidence, it was the one place where I felt ‘connected’ and accepted. I loved who I was when I was training and racing, it was the one thing I lived for – when behind closed doors I was struggling. Swimming gave me hope and when I was in the pool I didn’t think about all the negative crap that was going on in my life.

Ironically though, as I became more successful in the pool the pressures of being an elite athlete began to impact me, and I felt as though, once again, my appearance wasn’t good enough.

I became sicker and sicker, and ultimately my eating disorder cost me my swimming career.

I speak all over Australia at various events, however mainly school students where I conduct workshops focused on encouraging positive body image.

I received this from a girl I mentor just yesterday, so I thought it was appropriate to share:

" I think that above all else Jess has given me hope. Hope that there is life after an eating disorder. That recovery is worth the fight. And that you don't have to be defined by your eating disorder...but you can use it and your experience to help others. That acknowledging your fight is not weakness...but that it can help set you free. "

I have a responsibility to be a voice for all those who are currently struggling with negative body image. I need to be able to share their views and thoughts on a larger platform – with media and government, with the hope and aim that they will listen and things will be put in place for positive changes to occur.

I want Join the Revolution it to be nationally recognised and supported campaign. I know that if we talk more about the issues surrounding body image, we will inevitably help alleviate the stigmas associated, Join The Revolution gives people a reason to instigate such conversation.

(Layne Beachley spreading the positive body image message)

You can read more on my website, connect with me on Twitter, and share your photos on my Facebook page."

 

25 September 2011

If you can't say anything nice...


I was recently at an event with my parents, not knowing many other guests there, surrounded by pretty young things wearing gorgeous dresses. I glammed up for the occasion too - my pink Cinderella skirt from St Frock, and my silver jacket and floral top that I wore to the AusBlogCon (though I always seem to feel really overdressed due to the amount of layers I need to wear!).

While I was talking in hushed tones with my Mum about how beautifully dressed some of the girls were, it turned out some of those beautifully dressed girls were talking in hushed tones about me too.

Later on in the night, after a few wines, I went to the toilet, and got talking to a girl I met on the way. We talked through the toilet walls, small talk - that we liked the food, that the event was a great one, that our shoes were killing us.

Then, out under the fluorescent lights as we washed our hands, the girl turned to me, looked closely, and said "so what happened?". What happened to my face, she meant? "I was born this way", I told her. "And what happened", she asked again. Drunk people can be hard to reason with. "I was born like this, that's what happened", I told her, again.

She asked me if it was a skin condition, I said yes, and I told her the name. Drunk people are also quite honest. "I thought it was a skin condition", she said. And then she added "The people I am with were arguing about whether it was a burn, or sunburn all day".

Right. So while I was probably complimenting some of those girls, they were discussing my appearance.

I know this happens. People ask me all the time. People stare. People ask friends or family or colleagues what is "wrong" with me. it's curiosity. But I didn't even think people would be spending more than a few seconds thinking or commenting about my appearance or discussing appearance in general in a negative way. Certainly not when there's so much beauty and fabulous personalities and wonderful acts of kindness to compliment. And I thought about the shallowness of being so image focused.

I went back into the room happily laughing with the girl I met in the toilet. We went on to discuss the cute boys in the room, arms linked like old friends. She wasn't meaning harm. But it our toilet discussion left me feeling a little self conscious, and got me thinking.

Is it ever appropriate to negatively comment on someone's appearance (how they look or dress, or their race or disability)?

When I think about my own behaviour, I can guiltily admit that there has been times when I've said quietly to a friend "what is she wearing??", or even made a comment about someone's weight. I know. I shouldn't. But it is rare. And the comments never turn into a conversation. It's an instant reaction, and I wouldn't then give their appearance a second thought. And I'd certainly never make judgment about someone's face, disability or race. Never.

My Twitter friends gave me their opinion about the appropriateness of commenting on appearance (and their opinions made me proud):
@mscurlypops: my motto is that if you can't say something nice then say nothing at all!

@KITsDad: No. Unless they're a hipster, then go for it.

@keepcatebusy: don't undrstd why any1 would ever want 2 say something nasty abt some1 else. Ppl only do that 2 make themselves feel superior
 
@_jaime_: when they're wearing socks and thongs -yes. :)

@: No. Have your opinion, but don't voice it - if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!

@: Never. It seems a lot of people lack basic manners. x

@: If their fly is undone or tag hanging out = yes. If you don't like their shoes or think they look slutty = no.

@: never appropriate. Ever. "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all is old maxim" So hope not 2 u

I tweeted to Sydney Shop Girl "Seriously, when did negatively discussing someone's appearance outside of gossip mags become a valid topic of conversation??"

Glossy mags thrive on the way celebrities look. They criticise, point out 'flaws' and persuade readers to aspire to an ideal. Too thin, too fat, too much cellulite, acne scars, best diets, beauty treatments are the secret to happiness. Hell, even my appearance was (positively) highlighted in a women's mag. Image sells.

I was thinking about the way we encourage positive body image in the media. The National Body Image Advisory Group, chaired by Mia Freedman, is an Australian Government initiative, "committed to tackling negative body image from a national perspective, by helping young Australians to build confidence and resilience against the body image pressures that they face.”. The group recently launched new initiatives to promote healthy body image in Australia. These initiatives include the establishment of a voluntary code of conduct for the fashion, media and advertising industries.

The discussion of my appearance at this event made me wonder how far the media has come with portraying a diverse range of people realistically. And wondered whether the media is still giving the public permission to discuss and criticise peoples' flaws. Like the colour of my skin.

It's never ok to negatively comment on the way someone looks. Even telling someone they look tired may be taken as criticism. If you are going to comment on someone's appearance, tell them they look beautiful. Compliments are fare nicer to give people. And I think it's about time the media starts paying more compliments to celebrities' appearances, instead of criticising them. Perhaps this act by the media will mean every day people will be less critical of those who look different.

03 July 2011

Body love ♥

Edit: I am entering this in the We Heart Life I Heart My Body 2011 project.


After several days feeling awfully unwell, I was so glad to be inspired by Marie Claire to give my body some love.

On their Under The Cover TV show, editor Jackie Frank posed the question:
Are we quicker to say what we love or hate about our bodies?

So many times we can say what we dislike about ourselves. Fat this. Pimply that.We should think about what you love about ourselves and rejoice.

Personally, I am happy with my body. I may be red and scaly and oily and a bit confronting looking, but I think I am beautiful and have a good, petite size 10 figure. I am that ok with my body that I considered posting a picture of me in my underwear.
I love my smile, stomach, cleavage and fingernails :) My legs are also quite sexy in heels. And I actually love that my skin renews so quickly I never look old ;)




I asked my friends what they love about their bodies.

I love their responses.

M: "Always quicker to say we hate I think. Every morning I try to say three things I like about my body. I like my eyes, my neck and my hands. I appreciate my hands every day as I am a myotherapist."

J: "I have always been quicker to hate my body, rather than to compliment it. But after recovering from Anorexia, I am learning to love it! I love my longgggg legs, they go on forever! And my lips. And I love that my eyes change colour in the sun. We need more body love."

N: "I love my boobs, my smile, my hands, my nails, my legs. :)"

F: "my awesomely outta control hair. and green eyes - both are things that not everyone has =)"

N: "I love my boobs, my shoulders and my moles."

T: "I love my lips and I'm gonna overshare and say I love my girly bits for giving me my boy, and my boobs for feeding him without (much) drama. The fact that they are now pendulous I like rather less..."

K: "I love my little hands, they make me feel refined and delicate. And the freckle next to my belly button :)"

L: "I love my face:)"


These answers make me so happy!



What do you love about your body?  

21 April 2011

Megan Gale and I. Kindred spirits!

Megan Gale and I never had much in common until yesterday. Sure we were both at the same taping of the Adam Hills show. And we both like fashion. And that's it.


But yesterday the supermodel, voted one of Who Magazine's most beautiful people, overheard a couple of girls in a cafe berating her looks. And she gave them a serve! And I never felt so akin to Megan until the moment I read about it.


 
"Wow.. They're really dissecting my looks! This is quite remarkable to hear... I'm literally less than a metre away from them.. "

"Alright, I'm going to say something... I think I have to no? Stand by tweeps for what happens next!! ... "

"God I wish I could have filmed that whole entire scene!! Ok so while they were in the midst if picking me to bits, I lifted my head... "

"..which was down, tweeting & obscured by baseball cap,smiled & sweetly said "hi". One clutched her heart,closed eyes & said Oh my God!"

"The other, most venomous of the two smiled at me & had the audacity to say hi oh my god how are you?!..."

"Still smiling, I said 'You should be careful what you say guys, you never know who might be listening'... "

"The back pedalling was quite interesting but their extremely chatty table became dead silent in a matter of seconds. They just left... M xx"
It annoys me that girls are so nasty. Finding fault in others. Bringing each other down. Jealousy. Critical of image and success. Such criticism of celebs makes us ordinary people feel rather self conscious. I can't imagine the embarrassment the girls discussing Megan would have felt. And so they should.

The situation that happened to Megan in the cafe happens to me a lot. Mostly silent stares, but sometimes comments or discussion about my appearance than I can hear.

Remember earlier this year when the boys on the train took photos of me and I confronted them? Back then I wrote:
I headed home on the train about 6.30. I put my headphones on and noticed a group of four teenagers staring at me. My music was on softly so I could hear them say how red I look, and laughing about my appearance. The ones who could see me pointed me out to the ones who were facing away from me. For them to get a better view, two of them took photos of me on their iPhones and showed them to the others. The angles they held their phones at made it pretty obvious they were photographing me. They continued to take photos of me, and when I stood up to exit the train, there a mad scramble to put their phones down.

I rarely confront someone if they aren't directly speaking to me about my appearance. Today I did.

When I reached the door, I said 'hey guys, could you please stop taking photos of me and showing them around. It's disrespectful'. Of course they denied it, muttering how stupid I am to say that. I said 'I may be red but I'm not stupid. I could see what you were doing'. Smirks continued. I said something else about them not understanding or respecting disability, and mentioned that my appearance has got me a role on TV. I was shaking, and even almost an hour later, I am still shaking.

And a year ago, when the woman in the store abused me, telling me to get out of the store, fearing my face would ruin her clothes? And I gave her a big "Fuck You" and wrote this:

The first shop we walked into was a second hand shop called Things Second Hand. It's located at 115 High Street.

I remember looking at a jacket, and then walking down the shop behind Mum. The shop was stacked with stuff. So much stuff I didn't actually see any individual items other than piles of stuff.

The shop keeper stared at me for about 20 seconds. I smiled and asked her if she was ok.

She said 'what's on your face?'

Here we go again, I thought. Another person questioning my appearance.

'Nothing', I said.

'What's on your face?', she demanded again.

Mum and I turned around to walk out of the store.

'Be careful of the clothes. I don't want what's on your face to ruin them'.

Yep. She said that. Several times, in a high pitched voice. Bitch.

Now generally, no matter how rude someone is when asking about my appearance, they may have a tiny concern for my wellbeing. Worried I am sunburnt. Worried I am burnt.

Not this woman. She was worried about her second hand clothes in her store, that was already packed the rafters with junk, getting dirty from my vaseline.

Sure, my vaseline poses a problem for the clothes I wear. My washing machine has a work out. I have to carefully choose fabrics so the oil doesn't show up.

But today, I didn't touch anything in her store, let alone rub my face up against them.

Though I defend myself pretty well, I rarely swear.

I said 'fuck you' to her more than four times.

I told her that I was born this way and that my face will not harm her 'fucking clothes'.

In haste, I pushed Mum into another piece of junk in her shop as we walked out.
She followed us out, ranting.

She ranted on the street. She ranted to passers by about how rude I was and that my face would damage her clothes.

There has been one other time in my 28 years that a shopkeeper has queried me about my vaseline ruining their clothes. The other time was about 10 years ago when a lady asked me politely not to touch the hats in the store. She wasn't rude. But I did walk about of the store.

I love shopping, and when I do try on clothes, I take the utmost care to ensure my skin and vaseline doesn't damage the clothes. There have been times when I've felt compelled to buy something if too much of my skin is on the clothing.

But today, I didn't touch anything. Today was unbelievable. I have never felt so worthless, or demeaned in a store.

I felt like going back in there, and smearing vaseline over the junk in the store.
And then I wrote her a letter.

Each time I stand up to someone I feel so proud. Sometimes shaky but so proud.

I felt so good about Megan Gale yesterday. No one should be ridiculed about their looks. Even when you're in the public eye. Especially when you're as beautiful as her.



16 March 2011

On vanity, prejudice and beauty (part 2)

Thank you for the discussion around my first vanity, prejudice and beauty entry. Glad I got you thinking and talking about the issue.

Today's continuation of the topic is around the idea of cures. The desire for a cure often comes from someone without the disability or disfigurement.

There is an attitude that surgery is a quick and necessary fix for disabilities and disfigurements. I've had people tell me they couldn't possibly look like me, and would definitely have surgery if they did. Often surgery is not an option (or wanted) by the person with the disability or disfigurement. And the quick fix of surgery won't help change peoples' attitudes and prejudices. I actually regard this attitude as vanity.

 (source)
Britain has a wonderful initiative called Changing Faces Campaign. Its website states:

“It’s not just about surgery.”

Changing Faces is the leading UK charity that supports and represents people who have disfigurements to the face, hand or body from any cause.

We live in a culture where disfigurement is often seen as a medical “problem” that could/should be fixed by surgery or medical intervention. However, surgery alone cannot always remove a disfigurement and can sometimes lead to further complications. Changing Faces helps people to face the challenges of living with a disfigurement and equips them with the appropriate tools to build self-confidence and self-esteem.

The psychological effects of disfigurement whether acquired from birth, an accident, disease or the aftermath of surgery can last a lifetime if not dealt with early on.

Our work involves:
1. Providing support for children, young people, adults and their families through our counselling services to help with the psychological and social aspects of disfigurement.
2. Working with schools & employers to ensure a culture of inclusion, and with health and social care professionals to provide better psychological care for people with disfigurements.
3. Campaigning for better policies and practices that are inclusive of people with disfigurements and for social change by working with the media, government and opinion leaders.
The Changing Faces Campaign is so important in creating awareness. We've got to start talking more about reducing prejudice against appearance, and value diversity, and know that beauty isn't just  a perfect image.

I wrote and starred in a number of sketches for No Limits. They are all based on true situations that have happened to me. I am pretty proud of them. These two are about cures.


That first one is in reference to the faith 'healers' that have approached me, insisting they can cure me. Not having a bar of it. So many of them have told me how unfortunate it is that I look this way. Unfortunate for them, because it makes them uncomfortable? Or unfortunate for me because this illness can be really difficult?


And that second one is more about the expectation by others that we should conform to looking 'normal'. Yes, that really happened to me, in a lift at work, and yes, I was gobsmacked!!

I have noticed that some people get so uncomfortable when they notice me, and their own insecurities show. Lots of people see me and then quickly look away, or just blurt out blunders like in those sketches.

Personally, I don't want a cure. While being without ichthyosis would be more convenient, the side effects are too high. I can't speak for others with disabilities and disfigurements, but through discussions on the cures episode of No Limits, there were questions whether cures will leave us better off, and the judgement that our disabilities are a deficit.

I think the idea and desire for perfection - media, magazines, airbrushing, the cosmetic (surgery and makeup) industry - can make it very easy for people to judge those with disabilities and disfigurements. Media,  magazines, airbrushing, the cosmetic industry are all quick fixes to a perfect image. And so people think there should be a quick fix - cure or operation - for those who they regard as looking less perfect than the ideal.

I really hope you continue discussing this issue. I am so passionate about this - please spread the word! And stay tuned for the final part of this series. Thanks for reading!

08 March 2011

On vanity, prejudice and beauty (part 1)


A friend recently asked me why I take so much pride in what I wear and love fashion so much when I dislike me and others being judged on appearances An interesting question.

As I wrote on DiVine, and then Mamamia, my dad once told me that I should always take pride in myself. He said I should always present myself in the best way possible. I should be well dressed and groomed. Walk with good posture. Always smile. Be a nice person. He told me this because he believed it would help people look past my confronting chronic illness.
I love fashion as much as the next girl. And I enjoy being photographed - you can probably tell from the amount of photos I post of myself here. I don't follow trends religiously, and know I'm not supercool, but I love flicking through fashion magazines and blogs, and shopping is my religion. Sometimes I plan my outfits like someone would plan an important project - I probably devote far too much time on thinking about clothes. But dressing well makes me feel good, and I also receive lots of compliments. And what woman doesn't want that? A pretty dress can take my mind off my scaly scalp. And wearing a nice outfit after a week of hanging in my trackies while off work sick is a great pick me up. And dressing well also makes me feel like others are looking past my redness - and seeing me for my personality, interests and creativity.

I don't think my interest in fashion and yearning to dress well is vanity. I hate that trait. To me, vanity is ugly.
I hate the homogenisation of image, and the need to look perfect at all times - just like the models in magazines. People look the same - and fear difference. They associate bad looks with failure. But I think individuality is beautiful. Why would you want to look like everyone else?

When people start talking about how ugly they look in person or photos, or talk about their bad hair-day or minute pimple, I tune out. Boring. Superficiality is boring. As I wrote the other day, I hate the fishing for compliments when they post 'bad' pictures of themselves online. I regard it as self obsessed, insecure and disrespectful to greater issues. It's like they think their looks are the only thing they have going for them. Well, in some cases, it may well be...

Get this - I was once told that I wouldn't know what it's like to be teased because I'm beautiful. Because this woman was teased because she was beautiful. I know. Difficult times. Because it's not like I know what it's like to be teased because of my appearance. (And as karma would have it, the person who said this to me is in an extremely bad place now, a place I wouldn't wish on anyone.)

Call me harsh, but in all honesty I can't fathom the comparisons 'beautiful people' make between the ridicule they receive compared to the insults people with disabilities and disfigurements receive. It may be naive or small minded, or perhaps judgemental of me, but I don't get these comparisons. I don't get the desire to change image 'for the better' through surgery or cosmetic treatments. And perhaps by my commentary here, I am being judgemental towards those genetically blessed people.

I recently saw a video of the UK TV documentary/reality TV show Beauty and the Beast - The Ugly Face of Prejudice. While I completely disagree with the term 'beast' used about someone's appearance, I agree with the premise of the show, and need to showcase the reality (if a reality TV show can be deemed a reality) of the prejudices faced by people with disabilities and disfigurements, and changing peoples' perceptions and value of appearance.

Beauty and the Beast pairs up self obsessed, vain beauties with people born with disabilities or acquired disfigurements, and helps the 'beauty' do away with the importance placed on image.
Hosted by Adam Pearson, the show deals with the invisibility felt by people with disabilities or disfigurements, and discrimination experienced - surprisingly by both the pair. Discrimination due to image is just as difficult as discrimination due to inaccessibility. One of the most important statements in the show is "Imagine if I'd been turned away because I was black, or I simply just wasn't good looking enough? Where do you draw the line on discrimination by looks?"

There are no YouTube videos of the show that can be embedded on my blog, but you can watch the videos from here. I really felt moved by this video - the interaction between Leo and Yasmin.
But there is a good vlog providing a commentary of Beauty and the Best that I want to share:

Great thoughts, Mike. And I can hear Savage Garden in the background!

While I haven't been obviously directly discriminated on due to my appearance, I'm sure it's happened. Maybe I didn't get a job because there was a perception I'd be too much of a liability. I have certainly been told that it's great I'm out in public and not locked away somewhere.

And of course, there's the staring and comments. Sometimes I position myself facing away from people - particularly kids - at cafes, just to avoid being stared and pointed at in public.

I often tire of peoples' vanity. I once told someone who didn't want a photo taken of themselves due to a bad hair day that "if I can be ok with my appearance after being called ugly by a group of five dwarfs in public, then you can be ok with yours".

Yep, I'm always telling it as it is. Hopefully to make people realise that looking good isn't everything.

There's more of this that I want to cover - but I've written heaps here, so look out for future blog entries continuing the topic.

I am so passionate about this topic - please spread the word!

10 August 2010

Body image article on the DiVine site

I finished the body image article that I mentioned a couple of months back. It's been published on DiVine and you can read it here.

Love the skin you're in

I am really pleased with how it turned out - it was interesting to write and research it, and an issue close to my heart.

Thank you to everyone who responded to my call to participants, and also for participating in the email interview. Much appreciated.

16 June 2010

Call for young women with disabilities + chronic illnesses to talk about body image

I have been commissioned by DiVine to write a really exciting article on the body image of young women with disabilities and chronic illnesses.

This is an issue I feel strongly about, and I believe there is not much media coverage about it.

I plan to interview about six women and a member of the National Advisory Group on Body Image.

If you are a young woman with a disability or chronic illness and would like to participate in a written interview (or know someone who may), please leave a comment here with your email address or send me a message on Facebook by Saturday 19 June (Australian time). Some of your responses will be used in my article.

Thank you for helping me out!

EDIT: Thank you for your responses. I have sent you all an email and will let you know when the article is published. Comments are now closed. Please note, I won't be able to use every part of your response.

10 January 2010

The Marie Claire/Jennifer Hawkins debate

I bought that Marie Claire magazine today. The one featuring a nude and ‘un-retouched’ Jennifer Hawkins.

It was only over the Christmas break that I was saying to Mum that I am not sure what type of mag Marie Claire wants to be. Part hard hitting articles about terrorism, abuse against women and female circumcision. Part unaffordable fashion. And part tabloid trash – what does your sex fantasy mean?, what’s it like to follow Gwynneth’s diet? And putting the winner of Miss Universe on its cover to make women feel good about themselves.

After the media ho-ha last week, I had mixed feelings about the pictures and intentions of Marie Claire and Jennifer Hawkins. Jen’s beautiful, and I admire her body a lot, but I’m not sure whether the intentions of Marie Claire were to genuinely raise body image awareness and money for the Butterfly Foundation, or simply to sell more magazines.

On the 7 PM Project, Jackie Frank, Marie Claire’s editor, said that she is unapologetic about wanting to sell more magazines. She also said that she’d never put a person with an unhealthy body on the cover of the magazine.

Debate has arisen about the merits of a ‘real woman’. Is she thin and athletic and beautiful like Jennifer Hawkins? Or is she more like the women you know? Why should this matter?

I don’t entirely agree with the media and public criticising Jennifer’s decision to strip off. She claims she was doing it to support charity, and is embarrassed by the way the media and public have taken off with it. I don’t think she should be persecuted for being beautiful and having a healthy body image. But I also think the magazine should have taken more responsibility in how they drew attention to healthy body image. Do we need a supermodel to promote this?

Clem Bastow said there are more important things to worry about than defining one’s self by our body shape. I agree, though I think it is important to instil positive body image and confidence in everyone from an early age. I am not sure of the best way to do this, but I don't think a picture of a supermodel will help someone who is suffering from an eating disorder recover.

Lisa Pryor from the Sydney Morning Herald also states that the intentions to make average women feel good about themselves through using a nude supermodel on the magazine’s cover failed. There is such an emphasis placed on body size and shape. But I don’t think there’s enough emphasis placed on body diversity. As in multiculturalism. Illness. Disability.

It saddens me when a role model is defined as a clothes model. I hope when I have a daughter, her role models are those who are truly making a difference in the world. Trisha Broadbridge. Moira Kelly. Dr Fiona Wood. Sophie Delizio. They are true role models.

Another issue raised by Marie Claire was that of the photos being ‘un-retouched’. Now, that term seems like a tautology to me. Could they have used ‘non airbrushed’?

I understand we are seeing Jen in her natural form, without the aid of computer generated enhancements. But we see hundreds of people on the street every day who haven’t been airbrushed. Heavily made up and some fake body parts, tans and hair, yes. But media and celebrities insist audiences see celebrities in their most perfect, unnatural form. As though it’s a crime to appear natural.

Is this where the fixation for perfect looking bodies comes from? For people to have fake tans, fake nails, fake teeth, fake hair? Because this is a physical way of being airbrushed? Because looking beautiful is more important than being a nice person?

It hardly seems like a great feat for Jennifer Hawkins, bikini and lingerie model, to strip down to nothing. She admits to having flaws, but these seem minimal – a crease on her stomach, some uneven skin tones and some cellulite on her thighs. Beautiful, nonetheless. I did notice a large dark mole on her back which made me hope she has that checked out by a dermatologist.

It would be a bigger feat for someone who’s not a model or not in the public eye to strip down to nothing.

But what does it prove?

To me it proves that image is important. That beauty is clear skin, a lean, toned body and flowing hair.

That we measure a person’s worth on their image. If they are good looking, they are worth a lot. If they are not good looking or don’t conform to a model’s physique, their worth declines.

Of course, I am an admirer of beautiful people. I can gaze at flawless skin for hours, admiring the glow and texture and smoothness. Not I’m not creepy, but maybe I admire flawless skin because mine’s not and will never be. I also look at good looking men. Perve, if that's a more appropriate word.

Like these two.



But I am a firm believer that one’s worth, and beauty, is more than their looks. It’s their intelligence. Wit. Compassion. Creativity.

It’s time we move on from placing beautiful looking people up on a pedestal.

I leave you with a link to this article from The Age by Jacqui Bunting (my name is mentioned in it!). It was from around the time when the Fox FM Real Beauty Search took place. The one I entered. It was a beauty competition for people with disabilities and body differences. It really showed that beauty wasn't just being an airbrushed supermodel. It asked the reader to 'reassess our shallow concept of beauty'.

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