Showing posts with label body love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label body love. Show all posts

17 June 2015

Finding my Hair Romance (Still not Rapunzel, and that's ok.)

This post was originally written for my friend - blogging and hair superstar - Christina who is The Hair at Hair Romance. I was so excited to be featured on her blog :) It was titled STILL NOT RAPUNZEL AND THAT’S OK




My hospital file is thick. That’s what happens when you live with a rare severe illness requiring many inpatient stays and outpatient appointments throughout life. The file is more than a medical report though. While it’s filled with doctors’ notes and medical photography, it’s like a scrapbook – with pages of articles I’ve written, and locks of my hair. My hospital file has come with me from the children’s hospital to the adult hospital. A few years ago, the head dermatologist – who I’ve seen since I was six years old – flicked through the pages from my childhood. He told me that when I was a little girl, I wanted to become a doctor and have long hair like Rapunzel. My childhood dreams have not come true. I’m living a great life, but I’m not a doctor, nor can I hang my tresses over my balcony for my prince to climb.

The rare, severe illness – a skin condition called Ichthyosis – has meant my hair has never been long. And it will never rival my hospital file for thickness. The type of Ichthyosis I have (Netherton’s Syndrome) causes brittle hair, prone to breaking off at the root. My scalp is scaly.

My hair as a newborn was thick and straight – much different to my Mum’s African ‘fro. And then it fell out. At preschool and primary school, Mum would scrape together my hair into ringlet pigtails. I never wanted a haircut because my hair took so long to grow – what a waste of hair, I thought!

Mum spent half an hour each night combing my scalp – she did this until I was in my late teens. This was such precious time spent together – I would tell her about my day and we would get creative through making up stories. I am so lucky that this condition has allowed me to bond with my parents, and for the opportunity to read and write instead of playing sport or while laid up in hospital. Sometimes, when I go home to my parents, I cuddle up on the couch and ask Mum to do my scalp like old times – it feels like love.

At high school I discovered hair clips which broke my hair more, and mousse for curly hair – which gave me round, yet crunchy curls. All the girls were dying their hair with supermarket rinses – reds and burgundies. I tried henna, but it was very messy, and the white scales on my scalp ended up redder than my very dark brown hair would take.

When I was around 15, the hair just above the nape of my neck fell out. Like an undercut. Except I never wanted an undercut – they were so 1994. My scalp became itchy and bloody, and the more I scratched the less my hair grew. It became patchy at the front too – and I would clip the wispy strands over the bald spots to hide them. Dermatologists did not know the cause, nor what to do – it could have been a fungal infection, but was probably just my unpredictable skin condition playing up. It went on for two and a half years – the less I scratched it the better it became.

In the past 10 years, my hair is the best it’s ever been. While it’s not long, it’s thicker and healthier. It’s curly so it looks full. Sometimes I get bald patches when the comb nicks my scalp, but these grow back much quicker than when I was younger. I stopped using supermarket and salon shampoo, instead switching to sulphate-free shampoo (I love Alchemy and MooGoo) and I condition more than I wash my hair. I comb the scale from my scalp every second or third day, which gives it a rest from the gentle trauma of skin agitation. And I wear hats – not only to protect me from the sun, but to keep me warm. We lose so much heat from our heads. I occasionally use very gentle, moisture-rich styling products like the Body Shop’s brazil nut cream, plain coconut oil and Miss Jessica’s products for African hair that I found in New York (I love Curly Pudding).

I used to see long hair as a sign of femininity – and because my hair has always been short, it was hard to feel feminine because of this portrayal. It’s rare to see actors and models with short hair. It didn’t help that sometimes, when people stared at or commented about my skin, they’d ask why that boy had a red face. They couldn’t see past my red skin AND they thought I was a boy. Now, as I look for wedding inspiration on Pinterest, short hairstyles are lacking. But I’ve poured over pictures of Kerri Russell in her short haired phase, and pinned some beautiful photos of women wearing floral and pearl hairpieces over their short curls.

The way the media and advertising portrays people with scaly scalps can be damaging – have you seen dandruff shampoo commercials?! People with flakes in their hair and on their shoulders are depicted as dirty, unsuccessful and to be avoided. This isn’t the case. Conditions like mine can’t be treated with anti-dandruff shampoo. People with dandruff and other scaly scalp conditions shouldn’t be socially penalised for our appearance and the media and society’s perceptions of a scaly scalp.

Now I’m close to my mid -30s, I am at peace with my hair and my scalp. I love my curls, I love it short (because it makes me feel tall) and I can’t wait to wear a sparkly accessory in my hair on my wedding day. That dream of being Rapunzel is long gone – I’ve learnt to manage my hair and scalp the best I can, and realised that others’ perceptions of short hair and a scaly scalp do not detract from the person I am.

(Christina is on the left, and the other curly haired beauty is Carly Jacobs who blogs at Smaggle. Christina also blogs with her husband at Mr and Mrs Romance. You can check out Chrissy and Carly's fantastic blog course at Little Blog Big.)

22 December 2014

He loves all of me, and all that I leave behind.


Since being with Adam, I've come to see what it means when someone truly embraces my skin condition and my appearance. He doesn't look past or love me in spite of the way I look. He doesn't accept or tolerate - those terms are condescending and suggest someone has to accommodate a disability. He loves me. He loves all of me, and all that I leave behind.

Adam calls me his flaky strudel. He once told me that he finds pieces of my skin in his pockets, allowing him to carry me with him. He looks at me adoringly, with whatever face I've got on. In the morning, his beautiful face beams at my just woken up face - taut with yesterday's skin. I'm feeling my least beautiful and he looks at me like I'm a supermodel. When my new face is on and I'm feeling good about myself, he'll say, "you've got something on your face. It's beautiful." And my heart melts. Every time.

I imagine it would be such a lot to get used to - dating then living with someone who sheds so much skin, whose skin is a combination of dry and oily all at once and who’s always feeling some element of pain. I admit to being high maintenance - merely because of my skin, which is out of my control. This high maintenance usually involves me being too hot or cold or itchy or sore. But Adam has stepped up - feeling my body for a temperature (or just a chance to cop a feel!), pulling skin from my hair or ears, and never complaining how much of my skin and cream ends up on him. He’s here for me in sickness and in health. Ichthyosis causes incredible self consciousness in the patient, and it seems intrusive for those around us. I say that with absolutely no apology, though. (More about that in a future piece from me.)

I was reading a blog post by a blogger called Mom of 4 is Tired on the weekend. I immediately sent this passage to Adam, saying that the blogger could have written this about our relationship.

"Who is telling you that your body isn’t the ideal?

Only people who don’t really matter. Only people you don’t know. Only that same voice in your ear that is telling you you ‘re not a good enough mom or worthy of a raise or shouldn’t go back to school or wear that dress. Are they invested in you? Are they worth believing?

Who is telling me, telling you that your body is exactly right?

Only the man who lays down to sleep with you every night. Only the one person who sees you naked every day and would throw down whatever he is doing to meet you ANYWHERE, ANYTIME for a quickie."



This passage resonated with me so much. A year and a half ago, I'd have resigned myself to a life of
singledom, that I'd never experience this true love. Now, I am so lucky. Adam wants to touch me when I feel least desirable. He looks at me in wonder - no matter how I look. He holds my hand proudly, wherever we are. He's never made me feel like I have to apologise for being me. What a privilege that is - though it should be the norm.

I don't think happiness and the pinnacle of disability is finding a partner. And I say that even when I have - because I lived independently for so long. I developed the strength to love myself on my own, and I never thought I'd need a man to affirm my beauty. But the way Adam sees me is so powerful - for me, and for everyone who doesn't see what he sees.

We set our wedding date on the weekend - 20 March 2016 in Melbourne. Such a happy moment for us, and such a happy time we have to plan. Gosh I love him.

 

 

03 July 2011

Body love ♥

Edit: I am entering this in the We Heart Life I Heart My Body 2011 project.


After several days feeling awfully unwell, I was so glad to be inspired by Marie Claire to give my body some love.

On their Under The Cover TV show, editor Jackie Frank posed the question:
Are we quicker to say what we love or hate about our bodies?

So many times we can say what we dislike about ourselves. Fat this. Pimply that.We should think about what you love about ourselves and rejoice.

Personally, I am happy with my body. I may be red and scaly and oily and a bit confronting looking, but I think I am beautiful and have a good, petite size 10 figure. I am that ok with my body that I considered posting a picture of me in my underwear.
I love my smile, stomach, cleavage and fingernails :) My legs are also quite sexy in heels. And I actually love that my skin renews so quickly I never look old ;)




I asked my friends what they love about their bodies.

I love their responses.

M: "Always quicker to say we hate I think. Every morning I try to say three things I like about my body. I like my eyes, my neck and my hands. I appreciate my hands every day as I am a myotherapist."

J: "I have always been quicker to hate my body, rather than to compliment it. But after recovering from Anorexia, I am learning to love it! I love my longgggg legs, they go on forever! And my lips. And I love that my eyes change colour in the sun. We need more body love."

N: "I love my boobs, my smile, my hands, my nails, my legs. :)"

F: "my awesomely outta control hair. and green eyes - both are things that not everyone has =)"

N: "I love my boobs, my shoulders and my moles."

T: "I love my lips and I'm gonna overshare and say I love my girly bits for giving me my boy, and my boobs for feeding him without (much) drama. The fact that they are now pendulous I like rather less..."

K: "I love my little hands, they make me feel refined and delicate. And the freckle next to my belly button :)"

L: "I love my face:)"


These answers make me so happy!



What do you love about your body?  

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