I have received lots of exposure through my blog. I am very lucky, and appreciative of the opportunities it's given me. I've been given a voice - when for so long I felt isolated and so very different. My appearance has made me pretty resilient. I have thick skin despite my thin skin. I have a strong voice and am proud of my opinions and the blog I've created.
The wider we are exposed, the more open we are to about bullying.
Sometimes I think I'm nuts for volunteering to share my life on the internet. I receive enough criticism about my appearance when I step outside the house. Fortunately in my time blogging, I've been very very lucky. I can only recall one occasion where my appearance has been attacked. It was a comment left on my review of the Sia concert - someone asked whether I've thought about going on Red Faces. Original. Other than that, I've only received a small handful of comments on my blog making personal judgement of my character, which I admit, have stung. I have been so lucky.
When I wrote about the Typo retard card, I was called derogatory names by people on Twitter and told to get off my high horse on my blog. When I wrote about my love for Hamish Blake on The Punch, I received comments questioning my emotional wellbeing and assuming the type of men that I prefer. A lot of the criticism came about because of the headline - which I did not write. People read the headline and did not take note of the story.
People tell me that when you put your opinion out on the internet (or in the wider media) you have to expect differing opinions, bullying and harassment. I agree that we should expect differing opinions. That is what makes the conversation of blogging so rich. But no one should expect or accept bullying or harassment.
Why should we? We are far more courageous than any of the faceless and nameless trolls. We are smart, educated, compassionate and opened minded.The issues we discuss on our blogs are often very important and make a difference in the community. While I write a lot about chronic illness and appearance, there are bloggers writing about issues such gay rights, poverty, depression, motherhood, single parenting, disability, politics, suicide, love, domestic abuse and healthy eating, to name a few.
Sadly, our strong voices are torn down, and so many remarks are made about appearance and lifestyle rather than our opinions. And all too often it happens to women, not men.
In my study for my thesis, I came across the following quote:
"Weblogs bring the web - in theory a leveler, a democratic medium - to the people"
- Rebecca Blood, editor of We've Got Blog.
Years ago we had to write to the editors of papers and mags to have our opinion published. When I was 16 I did work experience at the local country newspaper and it was my job to call the letter writers and verify their identity. I remember some of the writers questioning MY identity as I was a new person calling them, and they trusted the newspaper's authority. Now, there is no accountability. It seems the comments are as big a draw card to the story as the actual story.
Perhaps the media perpetuates this. Tracy Grimshaw, journalist and host of A Current Affair, stated that it should be the media's role to moderate the comments in their online material. Yet in an ad for 60 Minutes last Sunday, the reporter was urging the audience to "be the judge of Delta Goodrem" in an upcoming interview on the program.
My studies have also shown me that bloggers (and media identities and celebrities) have a one to the world relationship with the audience. That is, we put our opinions out there, and our audience is bigger than a on-on-one relationship. Our online (and wider media) exposure means that our audience expects something of us. They expect us to be role models, perfect and accountable. And when we falter, we are persecuted. It's the world versus one. A massive vitriolic attack on one person, or if you're lucky (I have been), a massive show of support for one person. An example was the hate campaign directed at Yumi Stynes - a Facebook group was created, calling for her sacking. The hateful comments were disproportionate to the original comments she made about Lance Corporal Armstrong. Every time I saw a friend join this group I was embarrassed.
With exposure comes bullying. In the past week, broadcaster, TV presenter and writer, Chrissie Swan has borne the brunt of online bullying. She appeared in the Australian Women's Weekly discussing her choice to give up TV work to concentrate on a radio career which has meant she can spend more time with her beautiful little boys Kit and Leo. There were gorgeous pictures of Chrissie (she radiates sunshine and beauty) with her boys. The online article had the headline "it's ok to be fat" - which were words that Chrissie did not say. There were hundreds of comments under that article about her weight, her little boys' weight, and questions about her parenting skills. Uncalled for. Understandably Chrissie has been upset about the bullying (she tweeted that she cried in the carwash, and she cried on radio), yet handled it in such a dignified and respectful way. She has spoken out on her radio show about the support she's received from the media and the public. She's also been extremely open about her life - including her struggles with her weight, her career journey and the realisation that her little boy is overweight and the changes she's making to his eating habits. I thoroughly admire her for being so honest and true to herself in her media work. She is a role model of mine because she is a strong woman in the media, not afraid to be herself, have a laugh and be kind to others.
This morning I spoke to Chrissie Swan on the radio about online bullying and anonymous trolls. We (bloggers, media identities) are not afraid to put our faces and names to our opinions but these trolls are unaccountable. I added that often people make assumptions and judgements about our lives based on one blog entry or news report or magazine spread, and do so without context. How can we expect future generations to stop bullying when adults set such a bad example? I told her that so many bloggers are writing about this awful online behaviour, and she is very loved.
Last week I was sad for a few blogging friends. Mrs Woog and Eden Riley were featured on Fairfax websites, talking about blogging and monetisation. The personal attacks thay received in the comments section were brutal - questioning their motives as bloggers, their parenting skills and appearance. Mrs Woog wrote a brilliant post in response to the online bullying she and Chrissie Swan received, and so did Bianca Wordley, and Beth MacDonald did a fabulous video about trolls a few months back. And this post by Eden in April nails it.
Sanda Reynolds, blogger and author of the $120 Food Challenge, posted about the abuse she'd been receiving in the past two years. Comments have been made about her appearance, her cooking, her employment status and her children. The post was heartbreaking.
"Here’s the thing about being in firing line of online vitriol. It strips you of any pretence to greatness or ability. You have nothing with which you can hide your inadequacies, your failings, your pared back pock-marked ego. Nor is there any place in poverty-land for conceit, for flights of fancy, for ego, vanities or illusions. You can’t afford to even think about an alternative. You are poor and maligned goddamnit and you are not wealthy enough to have the luxury of a vision of something better for you. How dare you even dream of a better life. Just get a fucking job – any job, no matter the cost – and stop laying about. You’re poor and it’s a dogeatdog world. There’s no place for generosity, for kindness, for sharing. What ever you do, don’t you dare be choosy."Essentially, Sandra's blog is her space. Her pride and joy that she's built up and created a profile and income from. She is helping others budget for their meals. But people are hating on her. And she's taking a stand - she's been open about the bullying she's encountered, and creating a sign-in for the comments system on her site. As she wrote, her blog is her home, and it hurts when people come in and destroy that.
- Sandra Reynolds - $120 Food Challenge
I wonder what drives online bullies. Is it that they want to have a voice too? is it that criticism of people they don't know (or think they do) makes them feel good about themselves? Are they jealous of the people they're criticising? Do they have too much time on their hands? Do they get a thrill knowing it's the world against one?
One thing is for sure - the awful things these online bullies say are more about their own character than of those they're criticising. Their insecurities and self worth shows.
I think about the damage online bullying does to children. They may be bullied at school and then can't escape it at home. I am so thankful the Internet was not a prevalent part of my childhood. I started using the Internet in its early stages in Australia, age 15.
I am not afraid of the Internet - it's been an integral part of my life for so long. My study's been focused on it, I shop online, I blog, I communicate with my friends and strangers online and I consume media online. It's brought me love, helped my writing career, and helped shaped my identity. My online and offline worlds blur. But I am afraid of some of the people who use the internet. Their words can be damaging to self esteem and reputation. These comments from strangers can hurt more than someone saying hateful things to our faces. These strangers come into our homes and make us feel uncomfortable.
We talk about schoolyard bullying but this is just as bad. These are adults setting an example to their children that bullying is ok. It's not ok. And if it continues, I am scared that these powerful voices, writers and role models that I admire so much will stop being so honest and sharing their stories.