On being a fan

"Make me feel like I'm the one who moves you,
The only one you see"
~ Fans - Kings of Leon

After I wrote the review of the Sydney Darren Hayes concert, and emotionally expressed my joy in meeting him, I received a comment from an anonymous reader expressing concern for my emotional wellbeing. Here is the original comment:

 “I enjoy reading your blog Carly... But this is an interesting read. I know you find comfort in Darren's lyrics and music however I feel that you are in a little too deep here... I feel that you are slightly obsessive and almost 'drowning' in what he gives to you. The fact that he is a gay man makes this 'relationship' you feel you have with him even more uncomfortable to read at times :)”

After a number of people went in to bat for me (thank you everyone) the anonymous reader replied:

“I'm quite happy to read your opinions on my original post and please let me clarify that I was not alluding to the fact that Carly's love for Darren can not be reciprocated in a traditional sense. I perfectly and honestly respect the love you have for him as a musician... I too believe that he is freakishly talented and I enjoy his lyrics too. My concern and question stems from the fact that Carly has obviously had heartbreak, distress and upheaval relating to her personal relationships and she is very open in discussing this. My post came from a place of concern for her emotional well-being. l just think the level of adoration she has for Darren is somewhat concerning... Gay or not gay has nothing to do with it. I'm only posting anon as I don't have any other sign ins.”

I also replied to the comments, ending with:

“Let me have this happiness without criticism or condescension. Maybe one day you'll experience the joys of being a fan too.”

While I wasn't upset by the comments made, I was disappointed that I was criticised for taking joy in meeting my idol and expressing how much he and his music means to me, after having such a shit time recently. Last week was truly the start of me getting back on track and feeling like the old Carly again.And that feels great.

And today I want to tell you about the joy I get from being a fan. Of Savage Garden and Darren Hayes more specifically. Laugh. Diagnose me with some sort of obsession. But also take the time to realise how the music moves me. It really does. And music and fanship moves other people too. I've got some friends' comments about being a fan too. Here goes.

 

I can recall the very moment I became a fan of Savage Garden. It was August 1996 and I was watching Rage. I saw Darren Hayes on the back of a truck on a Brisbane highway – reddish long hair, sounding a bit like Roxette. Daniel Jones, also on the back of the truck, was playing a guitar. The song was catchy, they band was cute. It was the I Want You video clip. “I am going to be a fan of everything this band does” I told myself. In September 1996 I went to Geelong on a family holiday with a friend. I remember buying the blue I Want You CD single, the one with the garden gnome on it, in a cardboard case that pulled out like a drawer. At the end of that year, I wished I had spent my $5 pocket money a few weeks before on a much coveted red version of the CD single, with a rare b-side. About three years later, a penpal sent me a signed red I Want You CD. Rare. And in November 1996, I remember seeing To the Moon and Back on Hey Hey It's Saturday. The song confirmed Savage Garden would be the band of my life. I bought that CD single too, and every single and album after, even the rare ones from overseas. I think I have around 80 Savage Garden and Darren Hayes CDs. I know people who have more. When my parents' house was under threat by bushfires, Mum asked me if there was anything I'd like saved. “My tower of Savage Garden CDs”, I told her.

Since I became a fan of Savage Garden, and continuing on with Darren Hayes, I've amassed a lot of stuff. Articles, CDs. Posters. Setlists. Merchandise. And memories. Memories are the most precious. I can recall all the concerts I've been to – even what I wore to the Savage Garden one in 1997. And I remember the moments that I've met Darren (I haven't met Daniel).

People laugh at me, and are also critical. Even I take the piss out of this particular love of mine sometimes. But I am a proud, dedicated and committed fan. Why am I a fan? And why Savage Garden and Darren Hayes?

When I was younger, I think it was an obsession. I couldn't stop thinking about how hot Darren was. I'd be inspired by his lyrics. My friends and I would analyse his interviews so much, and dream of what it'd be like to marry him. He had not yet come out. 15 years after I became a fan, my fanship is more realistic and mature. I don't want to marry him. I still think he's incredibly attractive. But my love goes deeper than the superficial. The music gives me incredible joy. It takes me back to a place when my life was simpler – before adulthood, but also provides hope for each day too. It's Darren's lyrics, perspective and experiences that I can relate to, and as he's grown. I've grown too. As I've matured, I've taken some solace (and sadness) knowing that some of the very things I've experienced (isolation, bullying, difference) are some of the things Darren's experienced too.

 (If you look closely you can see me in the background. Darren took my camera and took this photo himself!)

 I think Savage Garden and Darren Hayes helped to shape my identity. The music gave me something to believe in. It was there through my headphones when I've had needles, and posters on my wall when I've been sick in bed. I made many friends because of my fanship – penpals and face to face friends. I'm still friends with many of these people today. And just last week, at the Darren Hayes concert in Melbourne, I befriended a girl who was also there by herself. She read my review and couldn't believe how much she could relate to the way I feel as a fan. 

The music has also been a friend – for during the many times I've felt lonely or rejected or love-lost, or even so overwhelmed with love, I can immerse myself in it and it's like receiving a reassuring and loving hug. However, despite me and my fanship maturing, I can still be reduced to a puddle of tears (rather than screaming with awe) when faced with Darren Hayes in person.

The thrill of being a fan is what brings joy too. The race to stand at the front of the stage (and the standing that often accompanies it). The breath held as he walks out on stage. The rush through my veins as he sings live. The special moments when he's looked at me during a concert – and the kisses and hugs he's given me from the stage. And the wait outside the venue, hoping to meet him. And when the meet happens – wow. The shaking and immense happiness afterward.

Darren Hayes is a fan too. He's spoke at length about being a fan of Michael Jackson (and was very affected by his death - to the point of writing Glorious about Michael), Bono and Madonna. He has mentioned the excitement when he's met his idols, and his experience seems very similar to mine.

It's not only Savage Garden and Darren Hayes that I am a fan of. I love so many other bands, though not to the extent of getting super knowledgable about them. Probably the closest would be Angus and Julia Stone, Bob Evans and Genevieve Maynard. Back when I was young (and possibly dumb in one case) I was a super fan of Southern Sons (it was the long haired boys that caught my eye) and then cricketer Shane Warne (the dumb phase for me, pre-text messaging phase for him). I must say, I liked the look of Warnie when he looked more natural – bleached hair and tubby. I've actually met some wonderful friends through being a fan of other bands – Bob Evans in particular (I've met some great girls out at his gigs and online), and even become an online friend of one of my favourites – Genevieve Maynard. Genevieve has commented on some of my blog entries and has told me she's a fan of me too! And this means so very much, being a fan of her!

  

My Dad is a huge fan too. I think I get my dedication to the cause from him. He loves Liverpool Football Club, and I have not known him to miss a game. Before Albury received SBS on TV, we'd travel to Melbourne to watch big games. He'd listen in for the football scores on his shortwave radio at 7.55 am every night. Now he uses the internet to find the scores, and watches most games live on pay TV. It was Dad who encouraged me to go see Savage Garden live when I was 15 – I thought the idea of going to a live concert in Melbourne was pretty out there, but I am so glad I did.When Savage Garden broke up, a Brisbane radio station dedicated an hour of airtime to them. At this time, we only had dial-up internet so streaming radio stations online was a very slow option. So Dad encouraged me to call the Brisbane radio station and ask to be put on hold, so I could listen to the tribute. I did. Dad encouraged me to call the radio station, because that's what he'd do to hear information about Liverpool, back in his youth.
 

Before I was born, and when I was very young, Dad was out of work for some time. He used to do a program on community radio. This radio show saw him wrongly pronounce INXS as 'inksess'. He is not from Australia. Anyway, Dad was telling me about a man who also used to have a show on the same community radio station. This man was so committed to his passion he'd source rare music from rare record shops in Melbourne, and play the types of music he truly loved – cutting edge punk in the early 80s. He'd do fill in shifts. He loved his music, and he was dedicated to the cause. I admire that commitment and passion. I think it can give people something to live for.
 

So that's my story. I could write forever about being a fan. As mentioned above, I've got some more stories from friends about their fanship.When I read Edenland's blog about meeting Bono, I cried. Not because I am a huge fan of Bono, but because I could relate to the joy, and was so happy she got to meet her idol. I love reading/hearing other fan-meets-idol moments.

This one is my favourite, from Carmen, who I met at Bob Evans last year. She's a fan of Josh Pyke, and when I read on her Facebook that she met him, I was so excited for her, as I know what a great feeling it is to meet an idol.

“I am a fan of Josh Pyke. Haha. I love his music more than any other and it satisfies me in some way I cannot define.

It was like it was familiar to me even before I had ever heard it. A big part of it is that it provides me with an escape from the mundane and his voice & lyrics comfort me. I know that would probably sound ridiculous to a non fan.

He has songs that suit my best and worst days. Seeing him live is the ultimate and the times I have met him are like treasures I carry in my heart. I know it's soppy but if I can't say it here where can I? 

I also like the thrill of the hunt in finding him after a show and talking to him, it is never easy. I am very shy and it takes a lot for me to approach him but I do it as the rewards are great.
If I didn't find him to be as warm and sweet as I have done, he wouldn't be quite as special to me as he is.

I certainly don't think I am lacking anything in my life. My love for Josh is just an added extra.

Social media has had a big impact (mainly Twitter for me) as it has provided me with direct contact with him.

I could really relate to your latest Darren story as last time I met Josh he held out both his arms to me and pulled me in close and cuddled me. It was one of the best moments of my life. You have to be a fan to understand the thrill of that. It has nothing to do with him being 'known'. It is just him. Sorry if I sould completely mad, just had to get it out!”

Dane, a guy I work with, loves musicals. 

“I've had people comment that I'm crazy for seeing musicals all the time. If someone finds solace, comfort or escapism in someone's art, talent or interactions - no matter how deeply they feel it - it shouldn't be denied”.

Ellie K loves Bob Evans. Lucky Elly gets to have him sing at her house! 

“You will not be surprised to hear that I am a Bob Evans fan. I became a groupie at the ripe old age of 35! His music simply makes my life better. I can't explain it and people think I'm nutso but I don't care. There is just something about his music that satisfies my soul. I enjoy being enthusiastic and passionate about something so joyful. And my friends get pleasure and amusement from my joy. I had an amazing response of support (both financial and emotional) when I bid for Bob in the EMI auction. And because of them I won! In 15 days he will be in my house...And as an added bonus, through my fandom I have met some gorgeous fellow fans on-line including your lovely self.”

Joel, a guy I met at Steve Poltz earlier this year, and presenter on the Stibbard-Me-Timbers Radio Show, said this:

"For me, I grew up with Australian and New Zealand Rock, I really love the songwriting of Richard Clapton and Tim Finn. To me they represent a time when I was a young tacker growing up in the late 70's into the 80's so add in there Split Enz. Noel Crombie from the band also designed and sewed their costumes, creativity like that I regard highly.
I also really love the late 70's to early 80's underground British music - Simple Minds and anything experimental. Also punk but more The Clash style than Sex Pistols.

Moving into the 90's, I took a liking to a band from Sydney called 'The Clouds', Jodi Phillis and Patricia Young were a great songwriting combination and they played my hometown of Hobart on Hobart's second warmest day recorded at 40.8 degrees in December 1994.

Also Nirvana, I loved the fact that they totally transformed the music scene in 6 months then moving onto 'Foo Fighters'. I probably don't say I'm a fan of anyone too much but Dave Grohl for me is a total legend!”

And I think this is something that sums it all up for me. Tim, from the Stibbard-Me-Timbers Radio Show said: 

 “David Francey, he's a true folk singer and very creative, he worked in construction for years then developed a career in music. Sings about working class, poverty, cause he has been there and done it. His songs have timeless youngness about them. I can kind of relate or at least dream that I can inspire somebody in the same way, I think that what makes you like someone. If they write the song you feel you should've written or want to sing”.

I feel exactly that about Darren Hayes. He writes the songs I feel I should have written or want to sing. Especially this song. The Siren's Call. I recorded it in Sydney.

Who are you a fan of? And what joy does being a fan bring for you?

Sunday Sessions - Darren Hayes, I don't know you anymore, live from Sydney

I am still on a high from the incredible Darren Hayes concerts this week! It's my last day of holidays today, and I have a little bit of stuff to do. I predict this coming week will be hard to get through without a Darren concert. (There will be a Kings of Leon concert next Sunday though!)

This is one of my highlights from The Secret Tour - the classic I don't know you anymore, from Savage Garden's Affirmation album. Hauntingly beautiful. I recorded this in Sydney.

You can also take part in the Sunday Sessions link up.Head over to Do I really wanna blog? to enter :)

 

Darren Hayes in Sydney - the full concert and meeting experience

Seeing Darren Hayes live at the Enmore Theatre in Sydney was amazing!

Musically and performance-wise, I think he was more energetic than Melbourne. He jumped around the stage with boyish abandon - punching the air, dancing and running about. His voice was so powerful. The way he danced to the beats of Billie Jean felt so relaxed. “Of course I can dance, I’m gay”, he said, to which the audience erupted into cheers and applause. He was so passionate. I loved it!

I think I took the time to appreciate the music in Sydney, whereas in Melbourne I was overwhelmed by the whole experience - taking everything in. I sang along last night, not too worried about capturing every moment on camera.

My friends and I were in the front row - it was so good to be able to lean on the railing. My legs are like jelly and feet like rocks. I feel asleep on my feet. So very tired.

I adored I don’t know you anymore even more than Wednesday night - I think it’s the vulnerability he showed in it. Such a powerful song.

The absolute highlight of my night was waiting for him outside the venue after the show. We waited for about an hour with around 30 other fans. And the tension built as we waited for Darren, scoping the best vantage point around the van. Security was beefed up. And then his manager arrived, telling us Darren would be out but he lost his voice so he wouldn’t be talking to us but would sign merchandise. And the crowd was warned against screaming, as we were in residential street. And I took note (be very proud).

So Darren came out. And when he reached me, I whispered ‘I love you Darren’, my hand outstretched. He whispered in return ‘I love you too, Carly’, and touched my hand. ♥

Such a precious moment. Amazing. He signed the venue running sheet I got too. And signed my friend’s setlist. He is very giving and lovely. 

I am so incredibly happy. My life is complete. I shed a few tears at his concert, during the Siren's Call and when I met him. Unbelievable.

I can’t explain the feeling I get from loving Darren. Only other fans understand. The energy that surges through me when I experience his music - live or recorded, and the excitement I get from listening to him speak in interviews is so powerful. Today I’ve had a smile in my face as I walked the streets of Sydney, just knowing the night I’ve had.

I wrote him a note on his Facebook wall today:

Thank you Darren for an amazing two shows in Australia. I’m not going to Brisbane but I’m so glad I had the privilege of seeing you twice this tour. You sing amazingly and I love the passion and energy you have on stage.

This album means so much to me - I feel most of the songs were written about some of the things I have experienced. Your lyrics are universal. Seeing you sing it live brought me to tears, at both shows.

Keep making this beautiful music. You and the talent you possess means the world to me and so many others.

And thank you for meeting fans last night. You made my year after I said I love you and you whispered back ‘I love you too’.

Thank you. I love you :) ♥

Darren Hayes - The Secret Tour - Melbourne 2 November 2011

Darren Hayes made an impressive return to the Australian stage last night on Melbourne. On the back of his newly released Secret Codes and Battleships LP, he made the new songs instant singalong classics. The set was stunning - featuring pictures from his album artwork - balloons, birds, hearts and geometric shapes.

He entered the stage to dramatic opener, Taken By the Sea caring an umbrella, lit up with deep purple. Like a pop star Mary Poppins, complete with Tai Chi moves to the music. Mesmorising.

Current single Bloodstained Heart saw him sing powerfully, reaching high notes. At one point he handed the microphone over to the audience, to sing along to the woahs. 

And he shed a tear, thanking the audience for sticking by him, humbled by the loyalty and sellout show. 

Darren Hayes fans are very loyal, proving this by a queue snaking around the Forum most of the way up Hosier Lane. The crowd was a mixed bunch - screaming women - young and old, husbands, the gay community, and in front of me, a six year old girl whose week couldn’t get any better after seeing Darren and Janet Jackson - twice!

Old favorites, some not heard in years - live or on the radio - were played. To the moon and back had the familiar radio intro, Break Me Shake Me was mashed up with Billie Jean, and Darren sang The Animal Song, citing the lyrics as silly but fun. The classic Savage Garden songs energized the crowd, it was like old times.

His new stuff was just as powerful. Talk Talk Talk provided danceability, Don’t Give Up, Black Out the Sun and Stupid Mistake were wonderful.

Darren also juxtaposed the theatrical with the natural - changing jackets and applying makeup behind a dressing screen, coming out with blue flashing glasses to Pop!ular mixed with Bros’ When will I be Famous?. And then he performed a rare We Are Smug (side project from 2009) song Hot Tub Blues, languishing drunkly over a chair, cheekbones accentuated with makeup and lips like The Joker. 

After this alter ego fueled performance, he was at his most natural, most vulnerable, removing his makeup in front of a light frame, singing an almost a-capella I Don’t Know You Anymore. Hauntingly beautiful.

But it was the finale, The Siren’s Call, right after Truly Madly Deeply, that moved me the most. It is one of the most beautiful songs he has written.

Being at the Darren Hayes concert reminded me of the times I’d seen Savage Garden as a teenager. No worries, no cares. Darren was the only thing that mattered to me in the world. His lyrics are so relateable. I too cried a little, so moved by merely being at the concert, and thinking about how most songs on Secret Codes and Battleships could have been written about my life these past five months. I cried during Talk Talk Talk and also in To the Moon and Back, when he looked my way and smiled that beautiful smile. 

The show was supported by indie act and twitter darling, Brendan Maclean - a camp, costumed singer, performing originals and jazz versions Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. After the show I met Brendan and he recognized me from Twitter and Mama Mia. We had a photo, me in his sparkle jacket.

Darren Hayes setlist

Taken By the Sea

Talk Talk Talk

To the Moon and Back

Don’t Give Up

Insatiable

Bloodstained Heart

The Animal Song

Black Out the Sun

Break Me Shake Me/Bille Jean mashup

Stupid Mistake

Popular/When Will I be Famous

Hot Tub Blues – We are Smug

I don’t know you anymore

Affirmation

Crush/Spin/A DJ Saved My Life/Music

Truly Madly Deeply

The Siren’s Call

Darren Hayes interview on The 7pm Project (Australia) 2011

Darren Hayes did a series of interviews in Australia promoting Talk Talk Talk. Here's his appearance on The 7 PM Project.

:)

Music I've been missing - Darren Hayes and Savage Garden

I am having one of those nights where listening to Darren Hayes and Savage Garden music is like receiving a warm hug. It consoles me. I feel what he's singing. And it takes me back to a time when the only man I'd loved was Darren Hayes. Uncomplicated. His is the music I've been missing. (And looking forward to - Talk Talk Talk is out tomorrow.) When I hear these songs I know everything will be ok in this moment. The world can wait.













"I had to find you, had to let you know
That you weren't alone..." ~ Who would have thought?

Can Savage Garden reform for Sound Relief 2?

The clean up after Queensland's floods will take years. And don't forget Victoria's floods. There has been such amazing support from Australians - on Saturday, an army of volunteers came together to begin the enormous clean up in Queensland. Strangers are helping each other salvage what's left of their houses and possessions.

The purpose of social networking sites is becoming apparent - they are mobilising people - enabling people to both offer and call for assistance. We are seeing pictures and stories first hand from people affected. Brisbane radio presenter Meshel Laurie is doing a great job on Twitter, spreading messages about flood warnings, and highlighting where volunteers and assistance is needed. Help Your Mates is an online message board set up for flood victims to post what they need, and for good samaritans to post what they can give. A Facebook page has been created to reunite people and their pets. My own workplace is supporting affected staff and clients, and raising money for the community. It's quite remarkable to see. It makes me really proud to be an Australian.

One fundraising event in the pipeline is Sound Relief 2. In a similar vein to Sound Relief in 2009 which raised money for the Black Saturday bushfires and QLD floods, bands will come together to play a concert to support Australians affected by the natural disasters. Promoters Michael Gudinski and Michael Chugg are in the planning stages of the Sound Relief 2 concert. There's been talk of a date being penciled in for March, when Eddie Vedder, Usher and Kings of Leon will be in Australia. Brisbane bands, Powderfinger and Savage Garden have also been pressured to reform for the concert.

Powderfinger: Recently retired Aussie rockers. Savage Garden: mid 90s - early 00s pop duo with hits including Truly Madly Deeply and To the Moon and Back.

(source)

I've seen a few news articles and snippets about Savage Garden being on the Sound Relief 2 wishlist. And my excitement levels have increased 100 million times at the thought of their reformation! I don't want to trivialise the natural disaster situations in Australia. But this is something I've longed for since they broke up in 2001.

(source)

I really think Savage Garden should reform (and not just because they are my favourite band ever!) to support Australians suffering after the floods. Both Brisbane boys, the reuniting of Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones could raise some serious money and awareness for the cause.

Music mobilises people to come together to support a charity or a cause. And charity or causes often mobilises bands. Australian icons Midnight Oil, Hunters and Collectors and Split Enz reformed for the 2009 Sound Relief concert. I was there to see them - these were bands I thought I'd never see in my lifetime. The concert was both a privilege and a great cause. It raised over $7 million for bushfire and flood survivors.

Darren has already encouraged his fans to donate to the QLD Premier's flood appeal if they can afford to. He does a lot to support causes, particularly in the gay community, most recently the It Gets Better initiative. I am even sure he'd do a solo performance to help out the flood relief appeal.

(source)

I understand the cost of them traveling to Australia for a one off concert would be huge. Maybe they could do a video link up or something, to save on costs?

I don't want to pressure Darren and Daniel into anything. (Ok, I do, just a little.) In the past, both Darren and Daniel have said there is no chance of a reformation. This was in a 2007 newspaper article about Darren Hayes:

Just don't reminisce about his old muso mate, Daniel Jones.

When asked whether the pair might ever consider a Spice Girls-style reunion the response was abrupt.

"No, never," he says curtly. "I once said I'd only do it if it cured cancer. And that's still how I feel."

Darren Hayes, tweeted on Saturday: "I just know that something good is gonna happen."

Could this be a sign? I hope so.

Could the Queensland floods be the thing that reunites Savage Garden? It would be appropriate and timely for them to reform. Even if it's for one concert only. Queensland is their home state. Savage Garden were an internationally successful act - they have many fans across the world. If they did reform, international fans may come to Australia to see them live. This will not only raise money for the flood relief appeal, but boost Australia's economy through tourism.

(source)

Darren Hayes has a visible and interactive online presence. Daniel Jones not so much. So, Darren, if you read this, please consider reforming Savage Garden for Sound Relief 2. A concert won't solve everything. But it will raise some much needed funds to help the people of Queensland (and other flood affected states) rebuild their lives. And I'm sure you and Daniel Jones want to reunite be a part of that. Thank you.

To my blog readers - can you please spread the word about this blog entry? Thank you :)

Music I've been missing - 1927 (and other daggy music revelations)

So you all know my music taste is sometimes on the daggy end of the spectrum.

I like a bit of bogan rock.

Aussie bogan rock...

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...and international bogan rock. I don't discriminate between nationalities of bogan rockers.

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I like a bit of Kylie when she wore that gold hat.

(source)

When the world was going crazy for these guys:

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I was going crazy for these girls:
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And these guys are my musical gods. (Ok, so I have a panel of musical gods, and they happen to be on it.)

(source)

So it's probably not surprising to you that I love a power ballad by Australian band 1927. On my Christmas break, I realised 1927 play the music I've been missing.

There was some top 1000 countdown on the local daggy oldies/contemporary radio station. Hell that station beat listening to the alternative sister station - full of Bruno Mars and Rhianna. Of course there was always Triple J, but this particular daggy radio station had me intrigued and infuriated. You know the deal - some classic By The Way by the Chilli Peppers, some Cold Chisel, then that Peter Frampton song, Baby I love Your Way - but only the one before Reality Bites made it cool. That awful sad and boring Script song (which one? It doesn't matter, they all sound the same. Sad and boring.) And then a little bit of Celine Dion and the countdown made me want to swerve my car off the Hume. Look, I like daggy. But not that daggy. I am not sure who voted in the countdown, or if it's really just regular no-repeat programing with some numbers in front of each song, but why the Hunters and Collectors' Holy Grail was at 500 and something has truly got me perplexed.

Anyhow. the countdown featured two songs by 1927! I am so glad I persevered with listening. Two songs by them made my holiday!

I love the romantic, pretty lyrics. The crescendo. I think I may even have this on my wedding song shortlist. It's beautiful. And possibly the only song that features the word 'centrifuge'.

And this is another gem. Again so romantic.

I sung my little lungs out to the 1927 songs on this countdown. I love letting my daggy side break free! And I am a little curious to know the top 10 in that countdown!