Love the skin you're in. Love the skin others are in.

"I couldn't possibly handle looking like you. You look hideous."
~ Stranger in lift.

I wrote and helped direct that video for No Limits. It's a true story, only reversed, hopefully to show just how jaw-droppingly blunt people are about appearance. I wrote a little about that video here, last year.

When you look this different, it's as though you are public property for people to comment on and criticise, and say exactly what they think, no matter how insulting. I imagine it's a little like being pregnant - people commenting and dishing out advice willy nilly, though I don't get strangers coming to touch my tummy.

These past few weeks I've had a lot of discussions and spent much time thinking about being different. I've spoken about it in radio interviews on Light FM and The ABC, to the Centre for Appearance Research staff and Scope, and written it in a speech proposal.

And I've concluded that it's often other people who have more of a problem with how I look than I do. And people make assumptions, that those who look less fortunate' than them are leading less fulfilled lives. This has to change.

I reflected on appearance and assumptions when I wrote my speech proposal for the UK. I am completely happy with my looks. Happy with my height, shape and size, like my curls, and love my fingernails, smile and boobs. To use the word even would be counterproductive, but for the sake of this piece, I am even happy with my face.

Yet people assume that I'm not comfortable with having my photo taken (and at times, have not been comfortable with appearing in a photo with me). They assume that looking the way I do is a burden (forgetting that the burden is actually the pain of the condition) and that I may not be achieving all that I am. And as you know, I am so very happy with life and all that I've done so far.

I happened to come across a conversation about my Roxette review earlier this week. Instead of discussing the concert and my experience, they discussed my appearance, making all sorts of assumptions. That I am burnt. That I was courageous (for meeting the band/living life??). And that I shouldn't be ashamed of the way I look. It was laughable. While I am sure it was said with good intention, I laughed that the conversation did not reflect so much on my appearance, but society's perception of normal and the level of comfort people feel when faced with difference.

My friend Elvira, also on No Limits, is stunningly beautiful, inside and out. She has spinal muscular atrophy and is in a wheelchair.

 

She thinks that there is a tendency for people to expect something different to what she presents when they see her.  "I think it can be a strange mix or both in particular when an individual sees me in my wheelchair from behind and then they get to see the rest of me. I can actually speak and interact with confidence which throws a lot of people off - in a good way, I guess?"

Elvira used to be overweight and in the past few years, lost a lot of weight. She believes when she was overweight, people may not have paid her as much attention because of her appearance, but it was also to do with her self esteem and attitude. "I was far more happy to sit back and slip under the radar and naturally did. I was very much the invisible girl on wheels", she says.

She speaks of the way people can assume those with disabilities have lives that are lacking.
"I think there is an expectation that when an individuals ability is limited in one area, that is mirrored in all other areas of their life."

She, like I, also believe in the importance of taking pride in our appearance, to make ourselves feel good. "I do however also believe that a lucky gene pool isn't the answer. This may be a generalisation but I think many people that rely on carers and use of mobility aides fail to take as much pride in their appearance. It may be harder and not as easy but there are ways around it and I think people forget to realise that it's about making an effort for you and not necessarily onlookers and critics" Elvira says.

I love dressing up, and it plays a big part in making me feel good. And as I once wrote, I think taking pride in my appearance helps to change peoples' perceptions of me. But I also think (although there may be a level of concern in peoples' reactions to appearance) people need to mind their own business about how others look, stop making assumptions and taking pity. Love the skin you're in, and love the skin others are in too.

PS: I wanted to take part in Edenland's Fresh Horses Brigade meme from last week, but I'm too late, and have taken my angry pants off. The theme was Sorry. I still have a few things to say on Sorry though. All tongue in cheek. Sort of.

• I am (not) sorry that my metabolism is faster than yours.No need to point out your jealousy.
• I am (not) sorry that I am more comfortable with my appearance than you are, despite.
• I am (not) sorry that I'm not what you expected. 

New Years Eve in Melbourne

My New Years Eve was spent on the banks of the river in the city of Melbourne with a few close friends. It was lovely. The stinking hot day had cooled down so the temperature was pleasant. There were swarms of people in Crown Casino's foodcourt and on the promenade, but once we navigated those crowds, we had a spacious grassy spot with full view of the midnight fireworks. We toasted to good friends and a successful 2011.

I arrived home, by free and surprisingly reliable public transport, at 1.20 am. My neighbours were having a rocking karaoke party - singing to Blink 182, Pat Benetar and Roxette. I wanted to join them, despite not knowing their names, but my post mosquito phenergan had kicked in and I was soon asleep.

The beautiful Elvira.

My toes were painted and my tummy lined with a hearty carb-laden meal of pizza and butter chicken curry - for responsible drinking.

Me with the gorgeous Pauline from Just the Messenger.

Apparently I was a show-off in front of the camera? Who would have thought?

My first foray into drinking in a public place.

Group shot - Allana, me, Elvira, Riki and Pauline.

I discovered it is difficult capturing fireworks on camera, so here are some pictures from The Herald Sun:

Here is some TV coverage of Melbourne's fireworks.


And Google's happy 2011 logo:

(source)

Welcome to 2011 everyone! Happy New Year!

No Limits update!

No Limits has started! 6.30 pm Monday nights in Australian capital cities.

It is truly a privilege to be a cast member/writer on the show. I have made brilliant friends. I just feel like I fit in with these people. Everytime I see them it's so much fun.

And the messages we put out there are very important. When I see the credits, tears well up - I am so proud to be a part of No Limits.

You can view the website.

And the bio page.

Watch past episodes here.

Here is Phin's arm, me, Louis and Elvira on set.

 Promo shot!

This is a sketch I wrote and acted in. Kate Erin Miller is the other actor. It's based on an actual event.


No Limits. Get it into ya!

(Pictures by Steven Pam from No Limits website)

Also, remember I said there was filming at my place? Well here is the finished product:

Louis Rowe benefit concert - The Corner Hotel, Richmond

I've met some pretty fantastic people this year! One of them has been Louis Rowe, who is my co-star on No Limits. Louis is a muso working at a cafe in Melbourne.

Louis in the green room at No Limits

A few years back Louis had a scooter accident in Thailand and severed his spinal cord. This meant he lost all feeling from below his belly button, and is now unable to walk.

Louis has been receiving stem cell treatment to help him walk again. He has traveled to India and China a few times to receive this treatment and plans to go back to India next March to receive more treatment. The treatment is working slowly for Louis.

Here is a video of Louis training for stem cell treatment.


A benefit concert was held yesterday at the Corner Hotel to help fund Louis' next trip. I caught up with my friends Elvira and Jo and a couple of others, and Louis of course.

The beautiful Elvira and I

It was a fantastic afternoon featuring music by legends of Australian rock, and a song or two by Louis.

The line-up was Charles Jenkins, Nick Barker (from Nick Barker and the Reptiles), Kim Salmon, Dave Graney, Brian Hooper (from Beasts of Bourbon) and Ash Naylor (from Even). I loved the story telling through their music.

I met and interviewed a few of the musicians for a future article, and though I was only familiar with a few of their musical histories, I was a little star-struck.

Charles Jenkins and Arthur Starr

Nick Barker

Nick Barker and Brian Hooper

Kim Salmon

Dave Graney

Brian Hooper

Louis Rowe thanking the crowd and the bands

Ash Naylor

Charles Jenkins guitaring Louis up

Louis belting his song out

It was a wonderful afternoon and a great cause. If you'd like to donate money to assist Louis on his stem cell treatment journey, you can make a donation:

Louis Rowe Appeal
ANZ
BSB: 013516
ACC: 490917283.

Rock on Louis!

Sexing and dating on the set

I had filming for No Limits from 9.00 am until 6.15 pm today. Exhausted!

We filmed three episodes, including sex and dating. Hence the title of this blog entry.

As usual, it was a hoot on set. Many many innuendos were made.They just kept coming.

My favourite one:

Just keep banging it baby, until it hits the spot.

Here are some happy snaps of our tom foolery in the green room.

Arty nanas

No makeup was tested on Carly

Come get me, huh huh.

Hair like she just got out of bed.

What I wore.

Sex and dating appropriate outfit.

So fun to play with the puppy.

My dress had boning in it. It was so restrictive it made it hard to breathe. Or eat.

Gastric banding for the fashion conscious I say.

Short film making

I spent two full days this weekend with ten fantastic people making a short film. The theme of the film was 'What is it like living in your body'.

Film maker Genevieve Bailey worked with community arts group Wild at Heart to explore the concept of body image for people with a disability. Our stories were told through the short film.

We worked together discussing what we would like the film to portray, discussed the stories we each wanted to tell, and how we would use symbols to represent us as individuals away from our disability.

It was an amazing experience.

Without giving too much away, my part of the film focused on my passions - listening to music and writing. It was so much fun to skip down Errol Street with my hands in my pockets listening to my iPod!

The film will be released in schools and online and in film festivals in the near future. I will let you know when it's online for viewing.

Aside from the serious (but fun) discussion about body image and recording audio and visual material, we had a hoot using PhotoBooth on my MacBook.



I met inspiring, articulate and creative people – some of these people have never had a chance to have their voice heard. Hearing their stories and spending 14 hours with them opened my eyes to the difficulties they face in their lives, but also their intelligence and achievements.

It made me feel lucky to have the freedom of use of my body that some of them don't have. But I feel luckiest to have been able to meet these people and to share our experiences and to explore a different way of telling my story.

(Back: Gen, Carly Albert, Jenny, Joseph;
Front: Beth, Elvira, Tash)