Heathivate: The discussion about sex. Awkward.

I'm not one to talk about sex. I watch scenes on TV and films and I read about it, but it's not something that I comfortable talking about. I had to talk about sex on radio once and I came out of that interview feeling tense and ill-prepared. I don't write about it much, though I am sure I could if I put my mind to it. I have written about it specifically here and here, if you are interested. Oh the other day, I saw Pacific Magazines googled 'Carly Findlay Sex' twice and reached my blog. Slow news day? Sensationalist voyeurs.

There's something about sex and disability/chronic illness/visible difference. That it's assumed people with disabilities are not sexual beings. That we have never had sex, that we don't want sex, that no one would find us sexually attractive. There is the deeply personal question that strangers feel comfortable enough to ask: "can/how do you have sex?". There's also the idea that we may only want to or be destined to have sex with other disabled people. Maybe that's why I avoid the topic. Because none of those things apply to me, and I don't think they apply to the disabled people I know.

I don't talk about sex with my female friends like they do on Girls (how good is that show by the way?! I'm late to the Girls party, and finally watched the whole first season on the weekend. I love it - especially how open the characters are about sex. And I love the music. And Lena Dunham is so talented. I digress.). When it comes up in conversation, I tend not to look at the person I am talking to, and then hope the topic changes. The last person I properly discussed sex with was the last person I had sex with. And that discussion wasn't verbal, it was through text, so I didn't have to awkwardly avoid eye contact. And I have certainly not discussed sex with my Mum. Unless you count that awkward conversation back in 2003 when I have her a receipt with a petrol voucher on it and she read the receipt, noticing I had bought condoms. And that's been the extent of our discussions about sex.

So when sex therapist Doctor Gabrielle Morrissey spoke for a lengthy period at about the benefits of sex for our health, it was certainly an interesting experience. Ordinarily I would have quietly taken it all in, but my Mum was at the table with me. And I tweeted my way through the weird situation. Others did too - like Jessica Gottlieb.

Doctor Gabrielle certainly reinforced that a healthy, fulfilled sex life applies to everyone in the room. And when she asked us to write down our sexual fantasy on a piece of paper and put it in a box, I left that one right alone (though if I had to answer it, it'd probably be just to have sex regularly). Only, out of the corner of my eye, I caught my Mum participating in the activity.



I can't even.

Anyway, I popped out to the loo to avoid five minutes of going redder than usual. And then I tweeted a little, had a little fun. Doctor Gabrielle talked about red lingerie being the type that men most want a woman to wear. So I figure it's probably ok for me to go naked. Right?

 

She spoke at length about sex toys, and cleverly linked this into blogging.

And finally, the topic that I most related to: touch.

Recently I spoke about touch and skin hunger on ABC Radio National's Life Matters. I also wrote about skin hunger a few times. It's definitely something that I'd like to discuss more with Doctor Gabrielle Morrissey.

While awkward, the session was enjoyable. Doctor Gabrielle had the audience laughing, which is probably the next enjoyable activity after sex.

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This is my second Healthivate post, more to come. View my first one here.

How do you feel discussing sex? Is it something you're comfortable with?

Healthivate. The most relevant blog conference I've been to.

Last Saturday I attended Healthivate - an inaugural health blogging and social media conference - in Sydney. I will say from the outset: Healthivate was the most relevant blog conference I have been to. The most relevant for my niche and goals. It was about telling stories rather than selling stories. The stories shared were moving, passionate, uplifting and life changing. Healthivate reinforced the idea of sharing stories for health.

I have been so inspired by the conference, and came away with lots of things to write about, and so I've decided to write a number of posts about it. As I told one of the speakers, I tweeted the shit out of all the sessions - I wanted to share everything. Tweeting at a conference is a great way to reference ideas and people at a later date too.

We have a long weekend here in Victoria and my plan is to write blog posts specific to Healthivate themes. Stay with me :)

Healthivate was held at Australia Technology Park in Redfern. It's a beautiful industrial space with locomotive history on display, as well as various conference spaces. Visit Good Googs for lots of stunning pictures of the venue. It really is picturesque.


The conference wasn't just for bloggers who blog about chronic illness and disability, as some may have perceived. It focused on many facets of health and wellness - healthy eating, family time, sex (look out for an hilarious story about sex talk with my mum), sharing stories online, performance art, bullying, mental health and suicide, laughter, health advocacy, social enterprise and social media. My Mum came along to hear me speak. She enjoyed everything about it, and even wants to start a blog now - though can someone else teach her please, because me teaching her the Internet always leads to an argument.


There was a brilliant flash mob who surprised us with Oh Happy Day. It was so vibrant and such a beautiful sound, the room couldn't help but smile.

At lunch time, we had laughter yoga. Did you know that the body gets the same feel-good effect from fake laughter as it does from real laughter. And as I found out during laughter yoga, fake laughter leads to real belly laughter. It was fun!

I also met some wonderful people, and am flattered by the compliments I received. I saw bloggers I am already friends with (Lori, Fox In Flats, Catherine Saxelby, Valerie Khoo, and Louisa Claire - and her tiny baby) and the beautiful Sarah Wayland who I have know for year's and I met there for the first time, plus loads of other new friends I made who I will mention in my future posts. Mia and Dea were two bloggers I got to know as they were at my table - and I can't wait to read more of their writing soon. I have a list of the awesome people I met, and want to acknowledge them shortly. It's the connection with people that makes blog conferences worthwhile. Crossing that online to offline space, knowing people by their user name or avatar and discovering how awesome they are in person. Mum said she overheard some bloggers talking about me in the toilets and then they recognised her as being my Mum! How cool?! And can you believe über famous American blogger Jessica Gottlieb knew who I was? She came to say hello and told me she loves my work. I'd chatted to her on twitter before the conference and thought she was funny - she's hilarious in real life!

I felt incredibly privileged to speak at the conference, especially alongside some prominent people from the food, blogging and media industries. And also Richard Branson and his arse. Yes! Here is a list of speakers. Thank you to Kathie Melocco (Healthivate's organiser) for finding me and believing in me enough to want me to speak.

Healthivate's content was focused on health, and so was its food. Forgive me for not taking more food photos - all I have is this one of my little yoghurt pot. The main sponsor was Macro by Woolworths - and we got a huge grocery bag of goodies to take home - organic flour, pasta, quinoa, popcorn and more. I've already eaten the bag of vegie chips and I want more! We were also given fruit and vegie smoothies (made by Vitamix) throughout the day - and I loved them. Though my tummy seemed to wake up too (I mentioned it briefly to Catherine Saxelby - poor thing, she must hear about bowel movements all the time!). When I got back from America, all I wanted was a vegie smoothie, and I think I have to make some at home again. There were yummy salads and sandwiches at lunch, and sushi and wine for canapés. I felt extremely virtuous, especially considering the night before I'd downed three glasses of alcohol by 5.00pm.

Of course, as with every blog conference, there were things that I think could have been improved on. There were two sessions where the hosts phoned it in. I (and many others in the room) found it hard to concentrate and to be honest, the content was quite technical. I'd like to have spent more time on our panel - the speakers' stories - not just mine - were worth detailing further. And I would have loved there to be more networking. Hopefully next year there will be a Healthivate conference over two days.

So for now, this is a really brief post on my thoughts about Healthivate, but stay tuned for more soon.