It's been about a month since I've felt like writing. I'd written something for Daily Life - it was an interesting and important topic - and that was the last thing that left my heart beating with excitement after the words made sentences, paragraphs and then a story.
I've got many ideas. There is never a shortage of issues to write about. There are so many that I worry someone might pip me at the post and write an article on that topic before I do! But I've also got a case of the can't be bothereds. I'd rather be doing nothing than writing at the moment. Life is busy. When I get home from work, writing is the last thing I feel like doing. Weekends are filled to the brim with outings and errands and naps. Writing has taken a backseat.
Outside influences have definitely contributed to my literary malaise. They shouldn't but they do. Criticism is an occupational hazard.
I've been told I'm a shit writer. (And on the same day I filed $2800 worth of invoices. Success is the best revenge.) I am criticised for starting too many sentences with I and And. Is that all those readers got from my writing?!
A blog reader sent me an email about how disappointed they were when they met me. Signed it with two kisses. Ouch.
And last week I read a piece about the pitfalls of activism by disability activist Emily Ladau. I feel this way a lot. It's one reason I haven't felt like writing a lot lately. I worry people without disabilities think activism is aggressive, or that it makes them uncomfortable. And "I should always wear an activist hat" implies we are grumpy and always on the lookout for things to be offended at (to an outsider). But I won't stop raising important issues. Because as Martin Luther King Jnr said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
The way others feel about me shouldn't matter, but they do. Us writers are sensitive souls. And I hate blogging about not blogging, though at least this is something.
I wondered if I'd ever give up blogging? Will I just run out of puff? Maybe, but not now. I'll be lost for words until they come again, and that's ok. The passion is still in me, I know it. I've done a few exciting things (interviews, Twitter chats and workshops) recently and talking about blogging gives me a buzz like talking about my fiancé does.
For now, I'm keeping well read (and listened - I love podcasts!), trying to stay rested and microblogging over on Facebook and Instagram.
See you when my words come back. Soon I hope.
I often feel the same way when I get home from work. I have ideas buzzing round my head when I'm driving, but once I'm in I just want to sit back and crash out. I didn't write anything for nearly two weeks until yesterday.
ReplyDeleteSorry someone was unkind in that letter. I'm not sure how long they met you for -- an hour or so, maybe? So they didn't see the personality that comes out in your writing in that hour. Why would someone make the effort to write that kind of letter to someone?
Hang in there, Carly! Looking forward to the words returning.
ReplyDeleteSSG xxx
I think you are right about the occupational hazard bit. I love how you are keeping well read ( and listened) and giving yourself time for the words to return. Recharging the bloggy battery . Emily :)
ReplyDeleteOh gosh Carly, people can be cruel. I love your writing and I know your words will return. In the meantime, be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteCarly you are a great writer. People can be mean or jealous or bitter -any number of things really and when they see someone like yourself doing well and making a difference it makes them feel good to have a dig at you. Hold your head high and move on. As for motivation, I've been feeling a bit the same. I just want to hibernate and sleep. I wish I had my girls energy! Hope you have a great Monday. Xx
ReplyDeleteYou are so fabulous. And an amazing writer. And deserve a break! For however long you want/need one!! I use 'ands' too!! :-p
ReplyDeleteI hear you and I feel much the same at the moment with my blogging. I ended up scheduling a social media free weekend. Sometimes I just need to disconnect to reconnect.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your words and passion for blogging will return soon.
I love your writing. Your blog is one of only 4 that I regularly read. I would certainly miss your thought provoking posts if you stopped but I also accept that life and media evolves. Happy non - blogging!
ReplyDeleteI'm sad about this but I hope you have a good break and I'm looking forward to your return
ReplyDeletePeople are such idiots huh Carly?! Don't be put off.
ReplyDeleteI've done exactly the same. First blog post yesterday in a while. Just needed a break and time to process the self doubt. Looking forward to seeing you back again soon x
ReplyDeleteMy Arts practice & writings have always had differing levels of intensity & production, including seemingly not being engaged at all with it. I used stress about it way too much, until I realised how this was sometimes just necessary (for whatever reason/s) & it's usually deceptively productive without realising. As often I've observed, soaked up stuff & been inactively researching which turns out to as, if not more, highly productive in the long run... I now value how the pauses allow me to recharge, refresh & absorb when life is busy or disrupted elsewhere ... Going with it has surprised me over & again. When I've actively resumed my practice it's often with even more intensity & volume of work that gets produced... Enjoy what seems like a lull Carly, as living life is just as important & you'll reap opportunities & actively re-engage in the ways you're used to, before too long! :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't like cliches , but "haters gonna hate" comes to mind. Criticism of your writing skill is not that much different than the criticism of appearance,speech, etc. Not valid. Unwanted. Take a break to recharge if you must but please don't quit. Your blog has helped me gain confidence at age 57. Dont let this wacky stuttering scaley lazy-eyeole centric old broad down! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI don't think criticism from an editor is a hater hating. Carly's writing style just didn't suit that outlet. I think taking some criticism on board as a writer will only help grow someone as a writer. But it would definitely be hard to hear. It's almost like a bad performance review when you know you've been working hard as you can.
DeleteHaving said that you really aren't a shit writer Carlt which is why I've been visiting for years!! I hope that you get your mojo back soon!
I start heaps of my sentences on my blog with an AND. It's the way I write. I have missed popping on here and seeing a latest post. I think winter also has something to do with it, with finding the inspiration and want to write. It will come back. oxox
ReplyDeleteYou are such a good writer; don't let the critics get the best of you. I think when an issue comes up that you want to explore in depth, the words will come.
ReplyDeleteAnd the blog reader who felt the need to tell you that meeting you was a disappointment??? Really?? How is that acceptable??? Dear fellow humans, just because you think something, it doesn't mean you have to express it to the person you are thinking it about. Not all of our opinions need to be shared.
ReplyDeleteI often read your blogs via facebook, but often just don't think to comment because I'm flitting to the next thing. That's a bit shit of me because I really value your insights and enjoy your writing style. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I especially loved this: 'I am criticised for starting too many sentences with I and And. Is that all those readers got from my writing?!'
I also start many sentences with I and And. I say writing is all about stretching the conventions! xx
More power to the activists. Activists bring awareness, and best of all, change!
ReplyDelete.