It's almost a year since Adam moved in with me, and to be honest, we're still adjusting. It is so wonderful to have someone to come home to every day, but housework has been a sticking point. He's had to get used to my skin (he's done incredibly well - even converting to low allergy products, and knowing when I need a Phenergan because I can't stop scratching), and I've had to get used to his music tastes (NOTHING like mine) and blokey TV choices (car shows and Mythbusters).
It was our one year anniversary of getting engaged on Wednesday, so this post is so timely!
1) Make sure you can get a water tank that gives you enough hot water, or coordinate so no one has a cold shower. My water tank is really small, so we have to leave at least 30 minutes between showers. For a long time Adam was braving a partially cold shower. But when I had a shower 15 minutes after him one day, I asked why the water went cold and he let it slip that this happens to him too if I have the first shower (and I have a long, hot one!). In the week, he gets up at 6.00 am and I shower at 7.00 am and this gives us plenty of hot water each.
2( Draw up a roster for housework. It doesn't have to be formal - it can just be a routine that if one of you cooks, the other does the dishes.
3) Do chores straight away (and together to halve the time). I admit I'm not so great at this - especially folding washing - but I have learnt that if I do this straight away, it gives me more time to do the things I want to do without feeling guilty.
4) Split the money stuff in the way you can afford it. Adam and I split the bills and rent 50/50, but sometimes he buys more groceries than me, and I buy dinners out (or vice versa), and I know that if the time came to move, I'd be ok covering most of the rent if he covers bills.
5) Start a savings fund for the two of you. You could choose to pool all of your money (which we haven't), but I do suggest you start joint savings fund. We are saving for a wedding and a honeymoon and so we opened up a high interest account (I wish we'd set this up earlier!), but you might like to save for a holiday or a house or emergencies. We will continue to save after the wedding too.
5) Cook together. Because food is love. I love cooking with Adam - making pizzas on a Saturday night is one of my favourite things to do. It is fun, we've learnt new skills (he's great at making the dough!) and then we have a yummy home cooked meal.
7) Have screen-free time. Adam will tell you I spend WAY too much time in front of the screen. But turning off the screen allows time for talking, laughing and togetherness. And hugs are better when you're looking at each other not looking at Facebook. Maybe I should follow Smaggle's lead of 9.00 pmscreen-free time.
8) Go on a date once a week/fortnight/whatever you can afford. Our dates usually involve food, mostly brunch and dumplings. But we've recently been to Cirque Du Soleil and Thriller.
9) Keep the romance alive. I wear pyjamas almost all the time when I am home (what of it? I like being comfortable!) and Adam's seen me pull my stocking from my bloody, weepy leg and stick cotton buds up my nose. So there are no secrets. But it's nice to keep the romance going like when we first met. I write him cards and make sure I dress up when I go out. He fixes things, and that is very romantic and useful!
10) Make time to be alone for a few hours each week. I love it when Adam goes to cubs because it means I can spend time writing, playing music and enjoying my own company. And he loves it because he gets to be a leader and do fun, outdoorsy things.
It was our one year anniversary of getting engaged on Wednesday, so this post is so timely!
1) Make sure you can get a water tank that gives you enough hot water, or coordinate so no one has a cold shower. My water tank is really small, so we have to leave at least 30 minutes between showers. For a long time Adam was braving a partially cold shower. But when I had a shower 15 minutes after him one day, I asked why the water went cold and he let it slip that this happens to him too if I have the first shower (and I have a long, hot one!). In the week, he gets up at 6.00 am and I shower at 7.00 am and this gives us plenty of hot water each.
2( Draw up a roster for housework. It doesn't have to be formal - it can just be a routine that if one of you cooks, the other does the dishes.
3) Do chores straight away (and together to halve the time). I admit I'm not so great at this - especially folding washing - but I have learnt that if I do this straight away, it gives me more time to do the things I want to do without feeling guilty.
4) Split the money stuff in the way you can afford it. Adam and I split the bills and rent 50/50, but sometimes he buys more groceries than me, and I buy dinners out (or vice versa), and I know that if the time came to move, I'd be ok covering most of the rent if he covers bills.
5) Start a savings fund for the two of you. You could choose to pool all of your money (which we haven't), but I do suggest you start joint savings fund. We are saving for a wedding and a honeymoon and so we opened up a high interest account (I wish we'd set this up earlier!), but you might like to save for a holiday or a house or emergencies. We will continue to save after the wedding too.
5) Cook together. Because food is love. I love cooking with Adam - making pizzas on a Saturday night is one of my favourite things to do. It is fun, we've learnt new skills (he's great at making the dough!) and then we have a yummy home cooked meal.
7) Have screen-free time. Adam will tell you I spend WAY too much time in front of the screen. But turning off the screen allows time for talking, laughing and togetherness. And hugs are better when you're looking at each other not looking at Facebook. Maybe I should follow Smaggle's lead of 9.00 pmscreen-free time.
8) Go on a date once a week/fortnight/whatever you can afford. Our dates usually involve food, mostly brunch and dumplings. But we've recently been to Cirque Du Soleil and Thriller.
9) Keep the romance alive. I wear pyjamas almost all the time when I am home (what of it? I like being comfortable!) and Adam's seen me pull my stocking from my bloody, weepy leg and stick cotton buds up my nose. So there are no secrets. But it's nice to keep the romance going like when we first met. I write him cards and make sure I dress up when I go out. He fixes things, and that is very romantic and useful!
10) Make time to be alone for a few hours each week. I love it when Adam goes to cubs because it means I can spend time writing, playing music and enjoying my own company. And he loves it because he gets to be a leader and do fun, outdoorsy things.
That's all Adam and I can think of. Got any tips?
What a great post Carly! Practical and also insightful. The savings account and showers I think are great tips and also doing chores together. Share the load. Means more time together for other stuff. oxox
ReplyDeleteall of these are great and I agree x
ReplyDeleteGreat tips Carly. I didn't live with Jacob till we got married but we still had to face the same tips. We joined our finances together being married. We have separate accounts for bills and savings.
ReplyDeletegreat post, I am also a proud pyjama wearing as much as my husband would prefer me to sleep sans pyjamas!
ReplyDeleteGosh hubby and I have been together 20 years this year and living together 18 of those years. I don't have tips to add but I do agree about the cooking. It's always been fun to try a new recipe and shop for the ingredients together and make a thing of cooking together having a drink and listening to music. Good times.
ReplyDeleteAll such great tips Carly!!!! I have been living with my man for the past year and I 100% agree!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.chorewars.com/ is good for dividing chores. Everyone loves a bit of friendly competition ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post, Carly! Rowan and I have lived together for five years now and we still get stuck on the house work sometimes! But there are so many great things about living together it doesn't matter. I also agree that alone time, or time doing your own thing is really important. Thanks for sharing your tips. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I must admit you're right! Since I've moved with my boyfriend a lot of things change - we cook together a lot more, do shopping, clean, etc. I just love when we do it together! Greetings!
ReplyDelete