08 September 2014

Why did I decide marriage is for me?

A little while ago, I asked you what questions you'd like answered. I got some questions on my blog, Instagram and Facebook. Peter, a friend I met on online dating about two years ago asked me this big questions:

"In this day and age, when there are many happy de facto couples, why have you chosen to get married?"

I can't speak for Adam but I wanted to share my life with someone and have this formally recognised. When Adam asked me to marry him (actually I asked him first - but more on that another time!) I was so excited that we'd be planning this big day and also our lives together.

My parents have been together for 37 years, married for 33 - they've done so well together when so many odds were stacked against them at the start of their relationship. They moved countries to marry.

I also love the idea of a wedding - a big party to show our love and to share it with our families and friends. Of course I know that the wedding day is not as important as marriage itself, but as someone who thought I'd never get married, I want the best party, the most beautiful dress and the funnest celebration ever. This wedding planning thing is so exciting, though we are mindful it's a budget for one day, and not the rest of our lives. On the weekend we set up a high interest joint saver account so we can start saving properly. We don't want to get into a ridiculous debt for a wedding.

Life with Adam has been great - it's nearly a year now and I can't believe the change in me (and him). Who would have thought, hey?!. It's not without challenges though - I have certainly had to adjust living with someone after living alone for so long. But we've kept the same interests, share the bills and have regular date nights. I love cooking for him (not in a subservient way) and he writes me the most romantic cards. It works.

It still surprises me that there was someone out there for me - someone who is so loving, caring and kind. Someone who loves me just like I've always dreamed of. Someone that I could give my love to, too.

Sure we could have stayed a defacto. But it feels so much more special to be married. I'm not religious so I am not getting married because of God's direction. I'm doing it because this feels so very right.

How about you? Married or defacto? Single forever?



  1. Married! Though, we eloped { kind of } and didn't tell anyone other than our mothers and my husbands sister for 5 YEARS. It was pretty weird having to tell EVERYONE ELSE in retrospect - best friends and other siblings included. So we held a big party and had a blessing on the beach. It was actually the BEST wedding we could have had - such an amazing weekend - and almost everyone forgave our silence with open hearts <3 and it was only from that time on that I truly "felt" married.

    I didn't believe in it at first. We were in love but we married for logistical reasons { visa! } BUT it was only through being married that I grew to understand it's blessings. It is the safe harbour when things are hard. It is a commitment beyond love. We will celebrate our 20th anniversary next year { !! } and we're still in love.

    Wishing you & Adam every success in the world. And I can't wait to watch from the sidelines. xx

    Amber at Adventures of a Rainbow Mama x

  2. I am currently single and it certainly feels like it will be this way forever! I have been in a long-term defacto relationship in the past, where we lived together, but neither of us felt we needed to get married. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of their wedding day and I would not enjoy being centre of attention as the bride. The very idea of me as a bride is hilarious! And the horror of imagining a certain member of my family meeting my friends and behaving as he normally does really puts me off the whole thing. Which is fine, since I'm single and while I'm open to the idea of having a relationship, I am not putting any effort into finding one. It's very rare that I meet men that I am interested in for a potential relationship, and even rarer when they are interested in me in that way, so to marry or not to marry is sort of a non-issue for me. I will probably end up having some kind of commitment ceremony with my cat and presents will, of course, be mandatory ;) I wonder if Pet Barn do registries...:D

  3. Thanks for your answer. "Because I want to have a party" is a great answer to any question.

    My sister Kelly got married two years ago. It was during the preparations that I realised just how many expenses are involved- the suits, the dresses, the flowers, and of course all that food! It all added up to a very memorable day in the end.

    I wish you and Adam all the best for the little party and the huge one afterwards- the rest of your lives.

  4. Was a single Mum for over 15 years with no desire to be with anyone let alone marry. But then came into my life Justin. Now de facto, for seven and a bit years. But of late thinking about being a MR and a MRS! Ha sounds weird, but it is a growing idea.


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