18 November 2013

Relationship status.

I've got a boyfriend.

After quite a bit of thinking (and a little hesitation) on my part, and lots of persistence on his, we have decided to make a go of this. It's nice. He's so different to me - which perhaps was a part of my hesitance - but the important thing is his kindness. He's cute, a good hugger, and he holds my hand in public.

Dating in the digital age - even if the dates were a result of online dating - is so strange. Everything becomes so public. While I'm a blogger and do share so much of myself with the world, I also realised just what a private person I am. Blogging doesn't mean I share everything, but it does mean that truth is concrete when it's written down. I've been used to being in control of what I share about myself online - how my life online is curated, I suppose - and so I didn't feel comfortable being tagged on Facebook after our second date. It was a little suffocating. Especially when I am so independent and I was not entirely sure of my feelings.

Curation of our digital spaces means we often share what we are proud of and happy about in our lives. Sometimes we can be too quick to reveal something - explicitly or through subtext - though our social media statuses. Regrets, luckily I've only had a couple. And sometimes, sharing something about ourselves online can make someone else uncomfortable, especially if that person is either not a big social media user or has prominence on social media.

A big part of my hesitation was about my tendency to fall for people through words alone - and especially words on a screen. His words have been very few, and I needed to be shown feelings, rather than just have them written to me.

I didn't even know whether I'd blog about this. What would it prove? is it too soon? Would it set things up for failure? Is it an invasion of his privacy? (I've spoken to him about my blogging and the permission I seek to write about people in my life - he's ok with it.) When I was younger, I imagined when I did get a boyfriend, I'd sign-write it in the sky. I thought I had something to prove. Now I know I don't have to prove my worth to anyone, and I've also found myself with a bit of a public online persona, careful of what I project. So my words here are measured.

There's a sense of pride in finding someone that you like or love. There's also a sense of pride from protecting it from the world. That changing your relationship status on Facebook, it just seems so public. But so is holding hands, isn't it?

(We've been doing some fun stuff on our dates, and yesterday we saw some animals at the Collingwood Children's Farm. Here he is with a tiny baby goat. Nawww!)



  1. Congrats on your new boo! I hope it goes the way you want it to.

  2. Congrats Carly, It's great that you've found someone.
    I hate relationship statuses on FB, because while coming together in public is nice, breaking up in public is horrible (which does not mean it is inevitable just that I have witnessed it many times).

    Why did you decide to do it, just out of curiosity?

    1. Yeah I know Anon - it was so weird. He asked me if he could change his status, I said if you like, and suddenly my friends were texting me congratulations. I thought I had to confirm something first. Anyway, I understand what you mean - Facebook relationship statuses can be too public in bad circumstances.
      Even though I'm a blogger, this attention on me has been a little overwhelming.

  3. I hear you. Massive big LIKE for the smile I imagine is on your gorgeous face right now. You know what I wish for you (and all you young things trying to date in the era of Social Media and the Chronic Overshare)? That you simply ENJOY the moment. I know you already understand this - but so very many don't seem to. It doesn't make it any more or less real to you, by publishing it. Just savour and work out what is real and right BETWEEN you. The only real and important pressure is what you place on this (and any) relationship. So focus on the simple enjoyment - there is really nothing like those first weeks and months of young love. You deserve it. ♥

  4. Congratulations! I definitely agree that putting something online makes it concrete, like changing your relationship status (exciting and a little scary LOL). Thank you for sharing with your readers, and I wish you two the absolute best!!

  5. Congrats Carly x and I wish I had a tiny goat! too cute :)

  6. Congrats on going public, it's a big step! However, I'm also sparing a thought for your new bloke. It's a gutsy thing to go out with a blogger, because you know the things you do (both good and bad!) are going to make it into the online world sometimes. Having said that, I'm looking forward to reading your updates and insights as your relationship develops :)

  7. Congratulations, great news! Best wishes to you both!

  8. All the best to you and your new man Carly xx

  9. Congrats Carly, this is really lovely news. Mel x

  10. How exciting Carly, I hope you both have lovely times together :)

  11. Wonderful news, Carly! Love is in the air!! How exciting! Social media is terrifying when it comes to relationships, I agree completely. I think trust your gut, if you feel uncomfortable about too much relationship information online, just keep it private. After all, it's more important that the two of you know how you feel about one another than everyone else. I wish you so much happiness, Carly. xx


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