The business end: Call for votes and business cards. Being my own brand.

As I mentioned here, I was nominated in the 2012 Sydney Writer's Centre Best Australian Blogs Competition. I am very flattered to be thought of as worthy to be nominated. The voting for the peoples' choice award has commenced, and I'd love for you to vote for me. (Go a couple of pages into the survey and tick Tune into Radio Carly.) While you are there you can vote for many other fantastic blogs - I consider so many of these bloggers to be my friend. There are some talented writers in Australia, and it's really nice to be in their company. I love that this competition acknowledges good writing, because for me, that is what blogging is about. I'll be casting my vote soon - I am so glad all my favourites are listed. Voting closes at 5.00 pm AEST, 9 May. If you choose to vote for me, thank you so much.

A favourite singer of mine, Bob Evans, supported my call for votes by retweeting me! How lovely of him!

Another thing - I designed some new business cards, and they arrived in the mail last week.

 

They were designed for the purpose of my overseas trip. I am SO happy with them.

Someone asked me why I included my photo on the card - when I put out a call for assistance in design, some people advised me against putting a photo on the cards.Perhaps they don't read my blog or aren't aware of my advocacy work. This was my reason:

I used a picture because I will be doing some appearance activism work overseas and also the success of my writing has been because I am honest about the challenges of looking different. I need people to remember me. It's hard to explain but for so long I was noticed - or not noticed because of the way I kook. I have been excluded, stared at, teased etc. Now I have found my confidence and am using my appearance for good things. I am using my appearance for the better. It's my brand, if you like.

I can't wait to start meeting people to hand them out. Thanks to everyone who provided suggestions for the design. :) 

Speaking of brands and being myself - I approached a few about sponsorship for BlogHer, after encouragement and advice from other bloggers. I became despondent after no success. Bit this week, something amazing happened! I am not sure if I can officially announce it here yet, so for now I will say that an organisation that knows me, that believes in me and that has helped me for so many years, is assisting me with funding my trip to speak at the Appearance Matters conference at the University of Western England. I am so incredibly excited and grateful for their generosity. It's better than any corporate sponsorship. And confirms that I am indeed my own brand.

An interview with a comedian: Francesca Martinez

Last week I saw Francesca Martinez, an English comedian, at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Her show, called "What the fuck is normal?" explores the themes of having a disability, the pressure to conform, and the need to familiarise difference, because everyone is different. No one is normal. She is a funny woman.


I left the show full of thoughts and happiness, and a lump in my throat. So much of what she spoke about resonated with me. Despite us being different, I could relate to her experiences of living life with such a visible difference. Francesca has Cerebral Palsy, which she's renamed 'wobbly'. The messages she gave in her show were applicable to everyone - it's ok to be different.


Francesca is an accomplished actor, comedian and writer. She manages to bring humour to her wobbliness so well. Stories about being considered too scary for talkshow panels and the condescending attitudes she's experienced are awful, but she tells them with such sunshine and humour. I loved her romantic stories too - she is a beautiful poet.

A few months ago a relative in England told me about her. I am
So glad he did. I really admire her acceptance of her wobbliness, and her encouragement for everyone to embrace their diversity.

Francesca has been kind enough to do an interview for me. Here it is, I just love what she has to say.

Tell me a little about you. Tell me your challenges and triumphs of living with Cerebral Palsy.

"I was a very happy and cheeky kid and my family made me feel very loved. I never felt abnormal and my childhood was great – I had lots of friends and I was always playing and performing. I really loved making people laugh!

When I went to high-school, my life changed dramatically because I felt judged on my appearance and my physical differences which, up until then, hadn’t been important to me. I became very ashamed of myself and very insecure, I remember not wanting to go out anywhere, not going out to parties, and not even going out to walk along the street as I hated people staring at me. I’ve been through those insecurities, and I had to go through a journey, and that’s kind of what my latest show is about. I think it’s a journey we all take to figure out how we are going to define ourselves. I remember a couple of thoughts that really changed my life – one was that I had never met a normal person before, so why would I ever want to be one? Two was that life is so, so short, and am I going to waste my life worrying about doing things differently, when in reality, the only normality is difference.

Those two things really helped me to see the world differently, and I really believe that those shifts of attitude can change your life. I am fascinated by the fact that abstract ideas can have that kind of impact, because my disability didn’t change, it didn’t get better in any way, but suddenly it ceased to be a problem for me. And I guess that is what is at the heart of my show. I’m very interested in exploring ideas that will have a real impact, If people leave your show perhaps either feeling better about something, or seeing something in a new way, then that’s fantastic."

Why do you use the term "wobbly"? - I like it.

"I’ve re-christened myself wobbly, because wobbly is a word I like, wobbly is cool, wobbly is not scary or off-putting. I think it’s really disempowering to grow up having this label slapped on you and I talk about in my show how much I hate the word “cerebral palsy”, how it makes people so nervous. It may sound really trivial – they’re words, they’re sounds – and in one way, I agree, but in another way, words really betray what we think of whatever they’re labelling, and it’s quite a big section in my show, I talk about the awful words given to disability, whereas there are other truly awful things that have quite nice names, like friendly fire. Why? Because those in power want them to sound acceptable.

I think the way we label things is a very political area, and being a baby and having terrible sounding names slapped on you, it’s quite hard to struggle free of them and feel like you’re not a faulty piece of equipment. It’s something I struggled with for years and it’s ironic that I’m still labelled a disabled comic because from the first show I ever did I was questioning how we label each other, and in my experience the only normality there is, is difference. So these labels that try and separate people I find divisive, and in the end it just makes us all feel that there’s a secret club that we’re all trying very hard to fit into, when actually that club doesn’t exist, and a real revelatory moment was when I realised that I’d never met a normal person before. That was really powerful because I thought, wow, they don’t exist."

Laughter is the best medicine. How does comedy help you?
"Comedy’s had an amazing effect on my life, because it’s made me feel happy in my own skin and it’s made me questions society’s attitudes towards disability and normality. It’s empowering to go on stage and talk about difficult experiences and turn them into something positive.. I feel that in a way everyone has got their own disability, whether it’s visible or not, and we’re no different to anyone else. My challenges are often physical, but every person on this planet has challenges, and often the invisible ones are worse. Look at Amy Winehouse, she died at such a young age, and externally she had everything going for her. But obviously her inner struggle was so difficult and a lot harder than, let’s say, what I have gone through. But the world we live in would classify me as having the worst circumstances. However, I would say, actually, I am very loved, I have a very caring family, and I feel I was given the right kind of tools to function with. Ultimately, I just wish that society would stop being so bloody superficial and stop being so obsessed with the physical spectrum, because in my experience there is no correlation between happiness and physical perfection!

As a creative person stand up is very fulfilling because you can take an idea you had while in your bedroom or on a train, and that night you can share it. It’s liberating. And it’s addictive. I love connecting with people, and being able to communicate something that you feel is not only entertaining but of some value to their lives. All my stuff is pretty personal, and my new show is the most personal yet. I love it when you come off stage and people come up to you, and they feel like they know you - and it’s that intimate thing that takes place on stage which I love."

Comedy is a leveller. Tell me how you performing comedy makes people more comfortable learning about and discussing disability, and even interacting with you.

"I think comedy is a unique art form in that it allows you to cut through the chit chat and to just address topics, but in a really lighthearted way. One of the things when I started that I was aware of, is that you hardly ever hear from anyone different making jokes and talking about their life as a person. It’s always quite serious, or quite sad, so I was really happy that I could stand up there and humanise a scary label. It’s interesting, because some critics when I started said, oh she’s funny, but her material needs to broaden out from that issue, and I’ve always felt, it’s not an issue, I do exactly what every other comedian does, I talk about my life. Full stop.

I’ve always felt very passionate that while difference isn’t really covered in the mainstream, I’m going to do my best to be honest about it and share my life. I think comedy is such a perfect way to do that, because it does dispel nerves and fears very quickly. I do feel [that disability] is still the last taboo because if you look at the representation in the media, it’s next to zero, and when it is covered it’s often in a serious or worthy way. I also think maybe it’s because [the subject of disability] conjures up feelings of pity, it makes people confront questions of mortality. I understand there are complex reactions but I also feel the very solution to those feelings is exposure and relationships with all kinds of ability, because ultimately we are all people and that often gets lost if your contact is limited. I can understand why it’s been a difficult area for humanity to come to terms with, but I also feel like we need to deal with it. The funny thing is, disability is normal, because it’s always
existed; there’s no point trying to cover it up or ignore it, it’s always going to be there."

Your comedy touring schedule is rigourous - you tour internationally. Does this have an effect on your disability?

"I have to pace myself and plan my schedule to allow rest time! Luckily, I love travelling and my boyfriend is wonderful at helping me to look after myself during the busy periods!"

What projects have you got coming up?

"I have a 40-date UK Tour which starts in May. I’m also developing a documentary idea called ‘WHAT THE **** IS NORMAL?!’ which we see me travel around searching for a ‘normal’ person. I’ve been working on a sitcom project for years too and hope to pitch it in Australia. Adam Hills is very keen to co-star so I hope to make that happen soon!"

Francesca is playing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival

Wed 18thto Sunday 22nd April at 6.30pm.

TheUpstairs Lounge

HairyLittle Sista

LittleCollins St

Buy tickets here.

Punching on - Why I love Hamish Blake

Yesterday I was featured on the News Limited social and political commentary website The Punch. I took up the request to write an article about my love for Gold Logie winner, radio and TV presenter Hamish Blake (I was obviously in the social commentary category). I wrote a light, fluffy piece about celebrity crushes and the reason I like Hamish. Because he's cute, but above that, because he's a nice guy.

It was nice writing this piece - not too personal, fun and I got to watch some videos of Hamish on YouTube. Note that I did not write the headline, and I acknowledge this isn't a piece about world peace. In my article I discussed how Hamish takes the piss out of himself to make humour. And I also took the piss out of my own celebrity crushes.

So I now have a byline and profile on News Limited.That's exciting!

I admit that I was hesitant to write for them. But what did I have to lose? It's not as though I put my heart or my face on the line. And thank goodness I didn't. The comments from readers were brutal. There seems to be the attitude that writers put themselves out there and so should expect feedback of all types. Yes, feedback is welcome, but sheer bullying should not be expected or tolerated.

I've been trying not to read the comments, but like the man I love/d's Facebook, I cannot look away. It's fine, the commenters don't know me or what I do. And they've got no context about me. They don't put their names to their words. But I'm ok. One of the positive things is that their negative comments are only restricted to that article on The Punch, and haven't strayed over to my personal blog or email. I do feel very cushioned by the blogosphere and that is lovely. I know you've got my back, where ever my words are. Thank you.

And I am so grateful for the opportunity. The editor was very encouraging and praised the work on my blog.

Here's the article, and you can view the original and comments (if you can bear them) here.

But enough negative comment gazing. I'm on the fucking Punch! And it made front page of news.com.au today!

I have had many celebrity crushes in my 30 years. If these celebrities were remotely attainable, I reckon I’d be in with a chance. None of my friends understand my celebrity crushes. (I understand the passion of those One Directioners.)

(source)

I have loved Darren Hayes for half of my life. I only realised I couldn’t marry him in 2006. Callan Mulvey has made my heart stop since he played that bad boy in Summer Bay. Once I ignored two calls and three texts from a boy who was actually interested in me because I was watching Callan in Rush. I bought the Ben Cousins biography because he is hot. But there were too many words about football and drugs, and not enough pictures. And I also used to love Shane Warne. I never said I was cool.

These days I’m really crushing on last night’s surprise Gold Logie winner Hamish Blake. He’s the obvious crush for a woman of my age. He’s the guy my girlfriends don’t cringe at. They are happy to discuss the intricacies of his attractiveness with me. And there are so many.

Firstly, he is honest. He doesn’t look Hollywood (or Chapel Street). He hasn’t had his teeth whitened or straightened. He gets around in hoodies and jeans. His hair is ruffled. His smile is cute. This makes him sort of attainable, if he wasn’t engaged to Zoe. But it’s not all about looks. Really.

Hamish is the fun guy that everyone wants to be friends with. He works hard, but is not a corporate wanker. He’s clever. He demonstrates success after hard work and persistence. Hamish started off on Channel 31, then Channel 7, then a Saturday morning shift on Fox to drivetime radio and lots of TV work. I think the idea of a funny guy doing radio for two hours a day may suggest laziness but there is so much work that goes on behind the scenes that lazy is not the case. And he gives hope that someone like me, a dabbler in community TV, can make it big by being myself.

He makes his humour through not being afraid to take the piss out of himself. He makes people laugh. And that quality is far hotter than being a beefcake. The childish, yet clever games he invented with Andy – street golf, ghosting, tying themselves together for a week – they’re the things adults wish they could get away with doing.

Those episodes where he appeared on Spicks and Specks, not really knowing many answers but having a laugh anyway are a testament to that. I think he prided himself on humour coming before musical knowledge on Spicks and Specks. He answered questions before knowing the answer, and gave completely irrelevant answers at times. His lack of music knowledge didn’t matter.

Hamish is also loyal to his mates. That bromance with Andy is lovely. Through his own high profile programs, he’s give his mates a chance to break through. Jess Harris. Ryan Shelton. Michael Wipfli. He lets others shine alongside his success. And he adores his Mum.

But most importantly, I have never seen or heard either Hamish or Andy put others down. They don’t resort to derogatory jokes to get cheap laughs. They’re not racist, sexist, ableist or homophobic. The humour purely stems from poking fun at themselves. Unlike some other high profile radio announcers…

Carly Findlay is an appearance activist, writer and community TV presenter. She loves the passion generated from being a fan. She blogs at http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com and tweets from @carlyfindlay.

(Originally on The Punch 16 April 2012)

Vietnam on a Plate - food tour in Footscray

Vietnamese food is high on my list of favourite foods ever. I have always wanted to go to Vietnam, but health-wise, it is not practical. So the next best thing is to go on a food tour of Vietnamese markets, shops and restaurants in my own backyard.

On Saturday Heidi and I went on a food tour around Footscray. It was a guided walking tour run by Mei Ling from Vietnam on a Plate. Mei Ling provided us with a very comprehensive tour of the Footscray and Little Saigon markets, a number of shops and few restaurants and bakeries. Vietnamese community in and around Footscray is thriving, and it really was like experiencing another culture for five and a half hours.

The indication of the quality market sellers' produce is based on the number of people who shop there. Mei Ling told us that much of the produce in Footscray market is sold to local restaurants and the Victoria University's hospitality school. Here is the produce at Footscray market - the greens, all things chicken - the best chicken stockist in the market, including eggs from the inside and outside of the chicken, quails, pigeons and duck - and the view of Melbourne from the top of the carpark.

Mei Ling spend a considerable amount of time showing us vegetables, and telling us how to cook them. There are so many different green vegetables, and equally as many herbs! Here the photo I took of Heidi taking a photo of water spinach.

 

The Vietnamese don't waste much, and so in most cases, all of the vegetable (and animal) is used - even the sweet potato leaves. The eggs from inside the chicken - before shells had formed around them - were sold. (Heidi and I were discussing the line we draw about what we feel comfortable about eating - it's interesting that so many of us feel comfortable eating the outside of an animal, but not the inside.) Mei Ling spoke of a store that sold the three day old duckling in a shell. There was one market stall that sold pork, and next door the pet shop was selling dried pig's ears and tails.

We broke for morning tea where we were given Vietnamese pork rolls (my favourite - full of coriander, chilli and pork) and tea or coffee. I had a really good hot chocolate. 

 

The market sellers were vocal in selling their fruit and vegetables - it was loud, crowded, exciting and a bit scary. We were given custard apples and persimons to taste as we were jostling through Little Saigon - delicious!

We spent a long time exploring the supermarkets - we looked at spices and shrimp paste, and tofu and cookware. These pictures reminded me of the Asian Snack Challenge that a friend and I did after uni two years ago. I want to reignite the challenge!

At one point, a lady on the food tour asked me whether I was taking photos so I could remember what I'd buy later. I told her I am a blogger, and explained what a blog is, and she asked me if it was legal! Very cute :)

We learnt about cultural traditions - symbols to attract wealth and to ward away bad luck, and we saw these paper suits, that are given to the deceased for their afterlife.

We also learnt that the Vietnamese who come to Australia are often very stressed from the life they've left behind, and their health is often suffering.

Lunch was at Quan An (102 Hopkins Street Footscray). We shared a range of meals which were fantastic. Pictured (from top left, clockwise) is prawn, pork and green papaya coleslaw, authentic Vietnamese spring rolls (eaten wrapped in a lettuce leaf with Vietnamese mint, lemin leaves and dipping sauce), grilled fish with rice vermicilli and steamed rice paper with minced pork and pork cake slices.

 We also had combination fried rice and fried taro cake with egg.

After lunch we walked some more, and were given egg tarts - my other favourite! =(I had three due to other tour walkers giving them to me!) - and saw these panda fish tofu and tiny eggplants. I found it funny to see the freshness of the fruit and vegetables, contrasted with the cutesy, highly processed food in various shops and supermarkets.

The tour was exceptionally good value (this was an extension of the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival, and subsidised by the Maribyrnong City Council). Mei Ling was very knowledgable and I learnt a lot about how to cook with vegetables and herbs, and also about the cultural aspects of the Asian community.  Heidi and I were quite exhausted by the end of it though, and we thought it could have been a little shorter. I would have liked to have been given more opportunity to buy produce as they were being explained to us, because after the long day of touring, I was tired and not so much in the mood for shopping, and most of the produce I wanted had sold out (I only bought shrimp paste, duck maryland and curry paste.). I was also a bit tired of my "sunburn" being mentioned four times - I believe this was out of concern initially, but once I gave an explanation, it needn't have been raised again.

A few things didn't sit well with me either - and this isn't a reflection of the tour itself, but rather a culture shock, or my naivity. We were told Footscray is largely a cash economy, and it made me wonder about the tax implications and regulations around hygiene and quality of the food. We saw a group of people selling counterfeit Louis Vuitton out of a van. I was also hesitant to buy the meat from the market because of the smell, and I wondered about the farming ethics of the meat and fish. There were lots of crabs in crates, their legs tied, and they were out of water.

Some of the other tour walkers and I talked about how this seemed cruel - they'd die a slow death. We also saw a live fish shop - the boys went in to explore, the girls shrieked at the fish being killed in front of them. I guess these new sights really opened up my eyes to the way food is treated in other cultures.

Overall it was a good experience. I left feeling more equipped with the knowledge of different Asian fruit and vegetables, and how to cook with them, and also found that Footscray is a lot safer than when I used to visit there, every day in transit between train and tram when I first moved to Melbourne. I definitely want to spend more time shopping at the markets there. I do recommend a food tour - it's a great way to experience the culture of your city!

On why we need to value bloggers

There's an article in today's Fairfax Sunday liftout about mummy bloggers. The article features my blogging friends BabyMac, Edenland, Kerri Sackville and Naomi PT. I was excited to see them featured - gorgeous photos, and a feature on what I love so much - blogging. And then I read the article, disappointed to see that there were some huge errors of truth, and a great misrepresentation of these lovely bloggers and their intent.

I know their stories through their blog. They tell them so well. With the honesty, integrity and humour that evokes empathy. No one else can tell their stories the way they do. And this article barely touched on the positivity of blogging. In fact, it was quite a dig at bloggers - suggesting the four ladies share too much of themselves online, at a cost to their families. And it was potentially damaging to the credibility of their blogs' content and to their reputations.

I just hope those new visitors to Eden, Beth, Kerri and Naomi's blogs since the article will get to know them as well as we, the loyal readers have. That's the good thing about blogging - the loyalty of the community.

I don't want to write too much more about the article itself, as I can't speak on behalf of these bloggers. But it did get me thinking - why is blogging not more highly regarded by the mainstream media (and those outside the blogging community) - particularly when in this case, the media got things wrong?

For me, blogging is a way I can tell my story, unedited, uncensored - yet still closely guarded - and without sensationalism. You may remember this blog I wrote about being in control and telling my story. For me it's particularly important that I do this - as I don't want to be portrayed as a freakshow or for sympathy by someone else telling my story.

Storytelling through blogging is valuable. It's a way to record history. It's truthful, revenue raising in some cases, and creates strong supportive networks. Then, why for some outside the blogging community, are stories told through blogs devalued through opinions in articles like today's? Blogging should be regarded as valuable as the mass media. It enables us to learn about real people directly.

And bloggers as citizen journalists are not taken seriously either. I don't know about other bloggers, but when I put out requests to publicists for interviews for this blog - as a blogger - I rarely get a response. It's easier to contact the actor/musician directly. But when I have put out a request as a freelance writer, I do get a response!

When I tell people I am a blogger, I get all sorts of questions. What's a blog? Isn't that dangerous, putting so much of yourself online? How much money do you earn? I get laughs and the phrase "you're so funny" - not in a I'm making people laugh way, in way that suggests that people just don't understand blogging. And though I have had some features in the mass media (them telling my story not me) I approached this with trepidation. I weighed up the costs - better to educate to those I may not yet have reached through my blog.

When I received my Yooralla Media Award, a speech was given by a presenter, telling me and the audience that online media is just as valued as mass media. That was in 2010. I see this in the blogging community every day. Blogging for social good. Bloggers talking about products with genuineness. Bloggers raising awareness. Bloggers building communities. So why isn't the mass media getting that?

This article detracted from all the good things the bloggers have written about.

A couple of months back, when I was off work sick, I felt my phone vibrating. I picked it up, and answered groggily - I'd been asleep. It was a journalist calling me - an editor of some sort. She called to find out how I was going since I was featured in a magazine. I told her her that I was going great - that I was off to the UK for some work experience, and then off to the US for a blog conference. And then I told her I'd won a Layne Beachley scholarship to help kick start my writing and speaking career. I asked her whether she'd received a press release about that, was that why she was calling. No, she said. It wasn't. She was calling to find out how my love life was going. A slow day in Hollywood perhaps?

I mentioned that I had done some unsuccessful internet dating. I mentioned the audacity and sheer rudeness of some of the men I had encountered. She asked me was the rudeness due to my skin? No, I told her. It is because some of the men who use these online dating sites are gutless, sexual predators. I said I'd written about it on my blog.

Any other men on the horizon?, she asked. Nope, I told her. So she said she'd go away and read my blog, and give me a call the following week. I saw she'd been reading my blog. For more than two hours. She read all the posts about internet dating. My heartbreak. And that one about sex. Lots of fodder, but no story with a happily ever after. Unless she wanted to offer me a job because she liked my writing so much. Then that'd be a happily ever after.

Sure enough, she called me as I was getting off the train one night. She told me she'd been reading my blog, that I wrote so well (thank you) but unfortunately she won't be covering a story on me at this stage. Not until I get my happily ever after. Not until I get my prince charming.

Right. So for all the good stuff I am doing, making a difference in the chronic illness, disability and facial difference community, writing, having fun, it's whether I get a man that matters the most. So perhaps the media would parade that happy ending - an appearance challenged woman getting a chance at love with a 'normal' man? I don't think so.

When I do find my prince charming, I'll be choosing how I let the world know - no one else will be telling my story for me.

I guess this post has rambled from the point a bit. Sorry. What I really want to say is that I believe telling our stories through blogs will ensure more honesty and integrity than the portrayal by the mass media will ever do.

Edit: When I tell other peoples' stories as a freelance writer or TV presenter or even in my day job, I want to do my best to get the facts right and represent them in the best way possible.

Edit 2: Eden, Beth and Naomi have posted brilliant and dignified responses to the Sunday Life article on their blogs. And you can also read further comments to the articles here:

A Blogger, A Writer. Same Difference - Alexandra Wrote

What are blogging mums really about? OR .. whatever happened to actual journalism? - Twitchy

Trash. Tabloid Journalism - Melissa

A Blog About Blogging Working Mums Australia

Edit 3: the initial Fairfax article that caused the controversy has been removed from the news websites, at Eden's request. Thank you for all your wonderful comments below - thanks for keeping this nice and adding food for thought. :)

Culture vulture: Comedy. Food. Beyond the Neck

These past few nights have been culture packed. I have seen comedy shows, eaten wonderful (and some junk) food, and seen a play. I've also been on a food tour. I feel very educated.

Wednesday night was Francesca Martinez with Phin and Jess - review and interview to come. Don't forget my giveaway for tickets to her show!

Thursday night was Contact The Netball Musical at the Arts Centre. I went with Mitch. We had Lord of the Fries and hot drinks, then cake, then chocolate. We sat near the tram bar, which was nice. Here is Mitch with chips. Chap and chips, as he said.

Contact the Netball Musical was lots of fun. It was my first netball 'match' and opera. The whole show was opera, with references to social media and "whatever' sung in operatic harmonies. It did take a lot of concentration though! Very funny, and I recommend it. I met the lovely winner of my ticket giveaway there too, we all had drinks after the show. After the show, Mitch took this photo of me near the Yarra river. Melbourne is so beautiful.

Friday night I went to Chapel Street Windsor for a play. Before the play I went for dinner, at the first placethat looked good. The cafe was Ghin Kopi - a cute Thai place with great prices. The waiter placed a funny glass on my table - which spun me out - literally! This glass has a pointed bottom and spins on its own axis. 

For entree, I had Son-in-law eggs. I've started to be more adventurous with eggs, and now eat boiled eggs occasionally. The eggs were deep fried, covered in prawn mince and a sauce which was a touch too salty, and served atop greens. I enjoyed them. I don't think I have a photo though.

Next up was chicken and bean shoot salad in egg net. Beautifully presented, and tasted fantastic. It was a bit like papaya salad - fresh and tangy with a bite of chilli. I couldn't eat it all, so I got a takeaway, which I had for breakfast this morning.

I couldn't eat all the salad because I had ordered dessert! Priorities! This is warm coconut black sticky rice pudding with lychees. So delicious. I loved the palm sugar. It would make a great winter dessert.

All up my meal was just over $30. I told the waitress that I was so pleased I stumbled across Ghin Kopi - it was tasty, light and easy on the wallet.


After dinner, I headed to Red Stitch Theatre where I saw a play - Beyond the Neck. Beyond the Neck, directed by Suzanne Chaundy and written by Tom Holloway, explores the community reaction to the 1996 Port Arthur Massacre, 10 years on. It features four characters (who tell their stories in a quartet) - the "young wife and mother" - Emmaline Carrol, the "teenage girl" - Phillipa Spicer, the "old man" - Roger Oakley and the "boy" - Marcus McKenzie - coming together at the Port Arthur site 10 years on, sharing their stories with each other.

(source)

Beyond the Neck is a play about loss and post traumatic stress syndrome. The play explores both the present and the past, and at times, it was hard to tell how the characters had come together, and what their experience of the massacre was. The play is based on actual experiences of the victims, survivors and family members of the massacre, though I suspect while the situations are real, they may not match their exact characters to protect privacy. The young wife and mother felt the presence of her husband and daughter that were killed that day. The teenage girl remembers her father in his coffin, and subscribes to conspiracy theories about the massacre. The old man was there on the day, still works at the site and every day he runs a tour, he experiences flashbacks of gunshots. And the boy, a curious, complex character, with behavioural problems and violent tendencies is suggestive of turning out like Martin Bryant.

The concept of the quartet is covered by voices speaking over each other, sometimes interrupting, sometimes stopping the dialogue - conveying flashbacks. Despite the dark nature of the subject matter, there were laugh-out-loud funny moments. By sharing their stories, it helps them acknowledge their grief and come to terms with the reality that the effects of the massacre will stick with them for life.

(source)

I've always been curious about Port Arthur - I remember watching it on TV as it was unfolding, and reading the newspapers the next days, I've completed two assignments about the media surrounding the massacre, visited the site, and read a lot of literature about it. As shown in the play, it's the event that happened during our lifetime, but rarely spoken about. And I think the idea of being able to feel the eeriness at Port Arthur - of both the convict history and the massacre - was conveyed really well. When I visited, it was indeed very pretty, but a sadness hung in the air.

Beyond the Neck is compelling and moving. It's not an easy watch - it's deeply emotional. I felt incredible sympathy for the characters as they told their stories. The season ends tonight in Melbourne, but I recommend seeing it if it plays in other places in Australia. It's a beautiful and compassionate account of our modern history.

Melbourne International Comedy Festival giveaway - Francesca Martinez -What the fuck is normal?

I saw a fabulous show last night at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Londoner Francesca Martinez performed her stand up show "What the fuck is normal?"- a honest, moving and bloody funny account of her life being "Wobbly". Wobbly is the label Francesca gives to her Cerebral Palsy. She believes "wobbly" is a far nicer word for a disability than its actual name.

Francesca discusses the idea of "normalising difference", stating that nobody is normal. She abandoned labels after a life changing meeting with a stranger in a pub. Like me, she's ok with being different. She's an accomplished comedian, actor (she's been on the popular TV shows Grange Hill and Extras) and writer, and captivates her audience through just being herself. She's ballsy, romantic, compassionate, confident, smart and very funny.

I came away from her show very moved, full of big thoughts and happiness.

I'll be doing a full review and interview here shortly. But for now I'm giving away a double pass to her show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival on Thursday night - 19 April - next week.

To enter, leave a comment below telling me the funny side of the thing that makes you different.

Entries close 5 pm Monday 16 April. You must be in Melbourne or able to get here. The winner will be the entry that makes me laugh the most.

Francesca is performing at Hairy Little Sista, 240 Little Collins Street Melbourne, until 22 April. Buy tickets to Francesca Martinez at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival here: http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2012/season/shows/what-the-f-k-is-normal-reloaded-francesca-martinez/

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is a wonderful story about culture shock and broadening horizons in the greying years of life. The film showcases the colour and sheer bustle and hugely populated streets of India. It's lively and humourous, and makes you think.

When things don’t work out as planned, or when loose ends need to be tied, a group of – strangers, including a loveless married couple – find themselves on the same journey to India, to spend some time in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel – a hotel exclusively for “the elderly and beautiful”. The image of the characters at the airport, not knowing what they were in for, was a classic.

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When they finally arrived at the hotel - a journey on a cramped bus, then on tuk-tuks, the hotel was not what they expected. Marigold Hotel is ramshackle – think Faulty Towers, yet Sonny, its optimistic manager, played by Dev Patel, sells its shortcomings with laughable exuberance and exaggeration. 

For some, retirement is not as planned. The Ashbys (Bill Nighy and Penelope Wilton) have lost their life savings in an investment gone wrong, unable to afford their dream retirement home. Mrs Greenslade (played by Dame Judi Dench) is a recent widow finding herself living independently and making her own choices for the first time in 40 years. Mrs Donnelly (played by Dame Maggie Smith), racist and set in her English ways (she won’t eat anything she cannot pronounce) found herself in India to receive a cheap and speedy hip replacement. And Graham (Tom Wilkinson) is searching for a long lost love he was forced to give up 40 years ago. 

Mrs Donnelly, incredibly racist, often offending the Indian staff who care for her, softens when she realises her carer is in fact just like her. She used to be a housekeeper until she was no longer needed by the family she worked for. It was interesting to see her soften as she saw herself in her Indian carer. 

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I have a confession. Bill Nighy is my old man crush. He was gorgeous in this movie – patient, caring and so loyal – to a wife who didn't treat him well. He was enthusiastic about everything on offer in India. And so quietly reflective. I'd have him. 

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Marigold Hotel shows touching and heartfelt stories – a gay relationship amid a culture clash, which imprisons the unexpected; the realisation a marriage is over and also the opening to a new romance, an interesting (and very valid) new job, and tolerance developed late in life. It has a stellar cast of powerful actors. 

I loved how Evelyn, Dench's character put herself completely out of her comfort zone (as they all did) to work for the first time in her life, in a call centre, as a cultural adviser, teaching the call centre operatives how to build rapport with their western clients. 

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I also loved the optimism of the Indian people in the movie. Despite the poverty, the expectation of arranged marriages and the potential failure of Sonny's hotel, there was so much sunshine on the horizon. There was a line that resonated with me. Sonny said, a few times, “everything will be alright in the end and if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.” So true.

My parents and I saw the film together. We all left smiling, and Dad told me he had seen Judi Dench perform at Nottingham Playhouse in 1965. Two degrees of separation!

Food. Train trip. Luggage. Study.

It has been a relaxing long weekend indeed.

I've caught up on some study - I took the opportunity of a four hour train trip to Albury and back to read up. I am so pleased that I have chosen autoethnography as a method for my research, as it just fits with the purpose of my blog. I am feeling more confident about my thesis now.

On the train trip to Albury, I sat across from two little girls (aged three and five) and their mum. The girls were gorgeous - auburn hair and dimpled smiles. The youngest girl was very talkative, and she asked me what was on my face. I told her that I was born this way and sometimes it gets sore and that I need cream. She told me that her mum uses cream too, and when she gets "that old", pointing to me, she will need to use cream too. I used my phone to send an email to an academic I'd met at the blogging conference pre drinks two weeks ago. The three year old came over to me, put her chocolatey hands on my knee, and asked "are you sending an email to the Easter Bunny?" So. Cute.

The Easter Bunny left me a packet of Lindt gold bunnies. I ate one with some Gundowring lime icecream. Delicious. 

While at my parents' house, I ate well, of course. Mum gave me a heap of home grown vegetables for me to cook with here, and tonight I cooked this for dinner. It's smoked rack of lamb with roast carrots, pumpkin and onions, and beans, spinach, capsicum and chilli cooked in chilli and butter. So good.

The weather has cooled down a lot this weekend. I am relishing it as I'll be having another summer soon. Today I sat inside and read my text books, and I also made a trip to my local shopping centre where I did some luggage shopping. Let me tell you, luggage shopping is ridic. Ridic. Pretty is not practical and some luggage costs the price of a cheap flight to Asia. Fortunately Myer had a sale of 40% off most luggate. After lots of testing the wheels, counting the pockets and lamenting the lack of colour in luggage, I bought a large suitcase for $161 reduced from $279. And then I found a smaller carry-on for $50 from $120 from a smaller luggage store. Both in purple. I also picked up a gorgeous purple leather look iPad case. I have not yet bought my iPad, but it's a start.

Finally, the last bit of accommodation for my trip has been booked - a hotel in Los Angeles. Not long until I leave now.

I hope you have all had a lovely weekend, and are well rested for the week ahead :)

Melbourne International Comedy Festival giveaway - Contact! The netball the musical.

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I love the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Every year I try to see at least one show. I love going to shows after work - it's good to end the day with a hearty belly laugh. Last night I saw The Bedroom Philosopher and next week I'll be seeing Francesca Martinez and Contact!

I've got a double pass to give away for a show called Contact! The netball the musical. The pass is for 7 pm on Thursday 12 April and it's at the Arts Centre, Melbourne.Contact! has been described as "opera meets soap opera" on a suburban netball court.

Here's a sneak peek of the cast rehearsing. 

From the Arts Centre website:

The netball musical by Angus Grant

Opera meets soap opera on a suburban netball court.

Formidable coach Bev and the under-21 team from the Hyatt Park Rangers are gearing up for the big game against their long-time rivals. But who is playing for keeps?

Bev’s son Bevan is a football star who harbours a secret passion for netball. Bev’s timid daughter, Wendy is happiest on the bench. And newcomer, Daisy is ready to mess up Bev’s tightly ordered game plan.

Who will win the day? And who will be left holding the plate of sliced oranges? It’s not over till the goal attack sings.

Contact! was a crowd favourite when presented in development as part of the Arts Centre Melbourne’s new music theatre series, Carnegie 18 in January 2011. The full-length production directed by Cameron Menzies, features some of Australia’s most exciting new operatic talents.

I have never played netball in my life. The town I grew up in was very netbally. But I've never worn a netball bib, never had the chance of attacking a goal, and never been scratched by another woman. Going to this comedy festival show will be breaking my netball virginity.

Personally I am not a sporty person. However, netball as a soap opera wins me over. The sport I'd like to see is how much shopping can one do in 30 minutes? Or how many comments can a blogger collect on a blog in a day? Or how many setlists can a music fan acuire from their favourite musicians (I'd hope to win that one!)

To win a double pass, leave a comment below telling me what activity that is not a sport you would like to see made into a competitive sport. Entrants must be in Melbourne or able to get to Melbourne next Thursday 12 April at 7 pm. Entries close Monday 9 April at 12 pm. Please leave your contact email address in your comments.The entry that makes me laugh the most will win a double pass.(I will be going to Contact! on Thursday too, so hopefully I'll meet the winner there.

Details for Contact!

Date & Time

11-14, 17-21, 24, 26-28 April, 7pm
14, 21-22, 28-29 April, 2pm

Pricing

Adult $44
Concession $36
Groups (7+)* $32 per person
*only available by phone 1300 182 183

24 April School Groups only
$ 14 per student
To book school groups phone 03 9281 8582
Or fill in the Schools Booking Request form

 

Book here.

Disclaimer: I was given tickets for Contact! but was not paid to write this post.

Thoughts on blogging - post DPCon12 and APSC ethics events.

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Last weekend was a blur of blog related activity in the 'real world'. Blogging events with actual bloggers (Digital Parents Conference - DPCON - drinks and Bloggers BBQ) sandwiching an event where I talked to non bloggers about social media (the Australian Public Service Commission ethics meeting).  (The Digital Parents Conference was on Friday but I did not attend as I was in Canberra.) 

The events left me buzzing and feeling flat at the same time. On the one hand, I could talk about blogging all day - I really do get excited by this. The people I met were lovely. I saw old friends and made new friends - I LOVE meeting people 'from the internet'. I received such lovely messages of support at all the events (Farmer's Wifey told me to remember she loves me heaps, which made me teary. Dorothy said some beautiful words to me, and I admire her strength. Lori was so supportive of me. Mrs Woog got me excited about New York and BlogHer. Kirrily and I had a beautiful chat. I finally met Pip from Meet me at Mikes. Bianca from Big Words Blog and I had lunch. And there were so many more.).   
 

On the other hand, it is tiring socialising with so many people, and I was very sore, so I even sent out a tweet asking people to be gentle with me at the drinks. I also saw some passive-aggressive tweets, and also exclusivity, which made me think about the nature of the blogging community and how things translate from on screen to off screen. I made a decision to invest in the blogging community that invests in me.

Blogging is such a niche activity and community that I don't think it helps to break down the niches any further. That promotes exclusion, and it's hard when we're all trying to find our place, find our voice.
 
I've been wondering if I am doing the wrong thing with blogging. No PR people are interested. A disability/chronic illness/food/fashion/band review blog isn't sexy. Chronic illness doesn't sell. I became despondent. (I also think it's important for the blogging community to stress that it is difficult to get sponsorship - not as easy as it looks.) Why can't I pitch myself to PR and brands like the others? Aren't I a good enough writer? I need to meet with brands and PR to show them how incredibly awesome I am. Because I am.

And then I saw this tweet:

"I'm so tired of 'experts' lecturing the truly talented. #dpcon12 #noteventhere" - Lisa Lintern

 And I felt so strongly about this.  We as bloggers know what we're doing. We do things to suit ourselves, to tell our own stories. We may not know everything there is about blogging, but there are no rules. We are our own editors, our own censors and our own storytellers. Guidance helps, but shouldn't change how we're doing things.

I need to quit worrying whether I am doing things wrong - just because other bloggers are doing something, doesn't mean I need to. The way I blog is the right fit for me. I tell stories through my writing. I share photos. I love blogging. I love to write. And blogging has helped me with developing and sharing my writing to a wide audience.

Plus, I had SO many wonderful bloggers come to talk to me at the DPCON drinks and Bloggers BBQ, telling me they love my blog, they love my writing, they can relate to it, and they think that my blog posts recently are some of my best work. Wow! Thank you ladies. Thank you. I really want to stay in touch with you. Their comments reassured me I'm not doing anything wrong. In fact, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and enjoy it, and take pride in knowing others are enjoying my work.







I took this photo of the sunrise from the plane on the way to Canberra. I think it signified the new lease I have on blogging, following the weekend's events.

Speaking on the discussion panel at the Australian Public Service Commission was a fantastic experience. I was honoured to be a part of it. It was an internal government event, so I don't want to reveal too much, but these are the points I took away from it:

 

•  There is an assumption that only young people use social media in damaging ways. I don't believe this is true. I believe that many young people are so digitally literate that they are aware of consequences of misusing social media. I also think the bloggers that I connect with (many in the 35-50 age group) are very social media savvy. Conversely I've seen some adults (older than me) make some clangers on social media - public arguments on Facebook and blogs, sharing personal information too freely). We shouldn't make assumptions that poor social media use is limited to a certain age group. 
• As I wrote here, there is a blur of boundaries between social media use outside work vs social media use on work resources. Perhaps the notion of 'limited personal use of IT equipment' on work resources applies to  the use of social media in and out of work time? It's so tricky.
• It's hard to define what's public and private when it comes to social media. I have the motto - write for the world to see. Even though my personal Facebook page is set to private, is it really private when I have 1400 'friends'? And even though bloggers write to the 'anonymous' internet, it's public. People forget this. 
• You can control your own use of social media, but what about what others post on your Facebook wall or comment on your blog? I have, in some cases, removed posts on my Facebook page, when people start criticising the organisation I work for. And then I private message them, telling them that I am not comfortable with them criticising my workplace (particularly the service it provides) on my Facebook page. 
• It is difficult controlling the way clients criticise the organisation on the organisation's Facebook page or via Twitter or on a blog. It's particularly damaging when the attacks are toward an individual staff member. But the organisation should also be open to feedback. 
• Perhaps instead of discouraging (young) people from putting potentially damaging photos and statuses online, we should be encouraging people to put all the positive things about themselves online - to give the best impression to future employers!
• It's also difficult to enforce rules around social media when an organisation does not have a social media policy or it is not circulated. 
• I believe that social media policies should be set by policy makers who understand and use social media, and aware of its risks and benefits. Many people are quite closed due to its risks and cannot see its benefits. 

The conversation touched on many topics about how to educate staff and the legal implications of social media misuse. To end the conversation, I put my hand up and said that it's so important to remember the positives of social media. That it can be used to get important messages to staff in times of crisis. That it allows people to connect when they otherwise may be housebound. That brands are really connecting with customers via social media.That it gives bloggers like me a voice. And I am going to the UK to  speak at a conference and for work experience, and then to the US, all because I blog. That rocks.

I'd like to thank the Australian Public Service Commission for asking me to be a part of this event. It really made me think about the way social media is perceived, and the ways conservative organisations are approaching it - for the best. I'd also like to thank the Digital Parents and Bloggers BBQ teams for having me, despite not being a parent. I made a joke that I thought about having a baby just to get a product at the BBQ!

To end, I'll leave you with this tweet (via About a Bugg) of a quote by Nikki Parkinson from Styling You. I think it applies to everyone's use of social media. Bloggers, Facebookers, Tweeters and organisations that are using social media:

"The whole reason your blog is successful is you".

Never apologise for they way you look. Accepting your lot in life part 3.

"Life as an overweight woman is an exercise in apology. You always feel like you have to say sorry for your presence. That's what those sad eyes on the awkward size-18 waitress are saying: Sorry you have to see me."
~ Chrissie Swan

 (via Pintrest)

I've never struggled with my weight. I've been the same shape and size (a slight size 8-10, standing at 5 foot 2) for the past 15 years. Since I was 15. Before that I was a little underweight, scrawny and sickly - my skin fighting infection after infection. As my skin improved a little, my weight came up to normal - around 50 kilos. I don't write about being 50 kilos with smugness. I write from a place of empathy. Chrissie Swan's article about being happy with your weight, and particularly those words about apologising for how you look, rang true to me. From a different perspective.

I feel this small series of accepting your lot in life (part one and part two) reveals my vulnerabilities more than I've ever done on this blog. And I quite like it. I especially like that it's been relevant for lots of people, without chronic illnesses and disabilities. Here goes. I'll open up my heart to the relative anonymity of the internet. I tell you the stuff I don't tell anyone else. Sort of.

I've apologised for the way I look and for my illness many, many times. This timid girl in me seems to forget everything my Mum ever told me (that I'm beautiful, that I don't have to answer to anyone, that I should be myself) and I try to confirm to what's expected.

Parents have shielded their children's faces when they've been frightened after catching a glimpse of me. "That lady's scary, Mummy", they say, nestling into their mother's body. I smile, sympathetically. Their mother smiles back, sympathetically. I am not sure what we are being sympathetic for. I shouldn't have to feel apologetic for scaring a child through my looks alone. 

I apologise for asking for a seat on the train. I look around for a businessman or a person who looks younger than me (difficult when sometimes I also look 17!) and in a small voice, ask "excuse me, can I please have a seat?". They oblige, generally politely - there have been exceptions, I thank them, and say sorry. I say sorry for being so sore my legs are throbbing from the inside out, bloody stockings stuck to my skin. I say sorry for the thought of being more comfortable sitting down, my body not being jolted by the inertia of the train's jolts and sways. I say sorry for having to go to work, even though I am feeling the level of pain which indicates I shouldn't. I say sorry for asking them to give up their morning comfort before work so that I can be more comfortable.

I apologise for not being able to sit outside in the heat or the cold, or amongst smokers. I shouldn't have to. I am just looking after my health. 

When I worked at the department store, a woman came up to me to tell me "it's so good someone like [me] is working and not locked up somewhere". Damn right it is. I felt like she was trying to make me feel guilty for interrupting her pleasant shopping experience.

I've been made to feel guilty about how much I can eat. Once a colleague made pig snort sounds because I was eating a spinach and ricotta pastry at 10 am, and she commented she was jealous that I am so slim considering how much I eat. I eat a lot because I have to eat a lot. Because I need to replenish my energy. Because my skin renews at a rate so fast, I am 28 days ahead of you already. 29 April is a fabulous day, you just wait ;)

When I am in the sun, people make me feel guilty for apparently trying to get more sunburnt than I look. "You should be wearing a hat", "How can you let yourself get so sunburnt?" they judge. And so sometimes, I avoid going out on incredibly hot days so I don't have to apologise for looking this way.

Lastly, and the hardest thing, is apologising to boys. When doing internet dating, there's usually a conversation had before we meet, when we are getting along just dandy, that goes a bit like this:
"There's something I've got to tell you."
"What?"
"I have a skin condition."
"Oh."
"Yeah,it'slikeeczemabutworseandI'vehaditallmylifeandIlooksunburntbutI'm stillnormalandstuff,anditwon'taffectyou." And I say that all in one big breath, trying to prove that I am just like every other girl.

And then they say they're ok with it. But I know they won't be when they see me. And so I ask "Are you sure you're ok with that?"

What person should have to ask someone else whether they're ok with how they look? Really?
And on other occasions, when sparks fly and we've moved beyond the first kiss, I find myself apologising in bed. For the way my skin feels and tastes. And this makes me sad. That I forget all of my self esteem and the things that make me feel good about myself, thus that make him feel good about me, even when that person may love me, to apologise. My self esteem was what got me there in the first place. Once, after apologising, in the midst of passion, he was fairly blunt. I can't explain the humiliation of it all. He didn't apologise straight away. There were tears. He didn't get it. I shouldn't have had to apologise to someone who loved me, when I've been apologising to those who don't all my life.

I shouldn't have to apologise for how I look. I should be (and am) proud of what I do in life, for the friendships I have and for my talents.

The reality is, my red face will always enter the room and make people stare. But it's up to me to make them think differently about the way I look, and I can do this by showing them that I'm not going to feel guilty for who I am. And nor should you. Never apologise for the way you look.

You can read Chrissie Swan's wonderful column here. 

The week in pictures

Getting ready for a night out.

Dinner out with the girls at Spice Temple - delicious!

Flower and candle arrangement at Spice Temple

Dinner that I cooked: pasta with cauliflower, peas, homegrown tomatoes cooked in chicken stock, with fried pork, chilli and Parmesan. Yum! And quick!

 The gorgeous Canberra sky

Mural in a kid's store called Lellow in Canberra - painted by Lisa Tea

Maggie Beer burnt fig, honeycomb and caramel icecream and cake at Cam's. 

I met weather girl Livinia Nixon at the Blogger's BBQ. I suggested she blog under a pseudonym - Nivinia Lixon, perhaps?