On vanity, prejudice and beauty (part 2)

Thank you for the discussion around my first vanity, prejudice and beauty entry. Glad I got you thinking and talking about the issue.

Today's continuation of the topic is around the idea of cures. The desire for a cure often comes from someone without the disability or disfigurement.

There is an attitude that surgery is a quick and necessary fix for disabilities and disfigurements. I've had people tell me they couldn't possibly look like me, and would definitely have surgery if they did. Often surgery is not an option (or wanted) by the person with the disability or disfigurement. And the quick fix of surgery won't help change peoples' attitudes and prejudices. I actually regard this attitude as vanity.

 (source)

Britain has a wonderful initiative called Changing Faces Campaign. Its website states:

“It’s not just about surgery.”

Changing Faces is the leading UK charity that supports and represents people who have disfigurements to the face, hand or body from any cause.

We live in a culture where disfigurement is often seen as a medical “problem” that could/should be fixed by surgery or medical intervention. However, surgery alone cannot always remove a disfigurement and can sometimes lead to further complications. Changing Faces helps people to face the challenges of living with a disfigurement and equips them with the appropriate tools to build self-confidence and self-esteem.

The psychological effects of disfigurement whether acquired from birth, an accident, disease or the aftermath of surgery can last a lifetime if not dealt with early on.

Our work involves:
1. Providing support for children, young people, adults and their families through our counselling services to help with the psychological and social aspects of disfigurement.
2. Working with schools & employers to ensure a culture of inclusion, and with health and social care professionals to provide better psychological care for people with disfigurements.
3. Campaigning for better policies and practices that are inclusive of people with disfigurements and for social change by working with the media, government and opinion leaders.

The Changing Faces Campaign is so important in creating awareness. We've got to start talking more about reducing prejudice against appearance, and value diversity, and know that beauty isn't just  a perfect image.

I wrote and starred in a number of sketches for No Limits. They are all based on true situations that have happened to me. I am pretty proud of them. These two are about cures.


That first one is in reference to the faith 'healers' that have approached me, insisting they can cure me. Not having a bar of it. So many of them have told me how unfortunate it is that I look this way. Unfortunate for them, because it makes them uncomfortable? Or unfortunate for me because this illness can be really difficult?


And that second one is more about the expectation by others that we should conform to looking 'normal'. Yes, that really happened to me, in a lift at work, and yes, I was gobsmacked!!

I have noticed that some people get so uncomfortable when they notice me, and their own insecurities show. Lots of people see me and then quickly look away, or just blurt out blunders like in those sketches.

Personally, I don't want a cure. While being without ichthyosis would be more convenient, the side effects are too high. I can't speak for others with disabilities and disfigurements, but through discussions on the cures episode of No Limits, there were questions whether cures will leave us better off, and the judgement that our disabilities are a deficit.

I think the idea and desire for perfection - media, magazines, airbrushing, the cosmetic (surgery and makeup) industry - can make it very easy for people to judge those with disabilities and disfigurements. Media,  magazines, airbrushing, the cosmetic industry are all quick fixes to a perfect image. And so people think there should be a quick fix - cure or operation - for those who they regard as looking less perfect than the ideal.

I really hope you continue discussing this issue. I am so passionate about this - please spread the word! And stay tuned for the final part of this series. Thanks for reading!

On vanity, prejudice and beauty (part 1)

A friend recently asked me why I take so much pride in what I wear and love fashion so much when I dislike me and others being judged on appearances An interesting question.

As I wrote on DiVine, and then Mamamia, my dad once told me that I should always take pride in myself. He said I should always present myself in the best way possible. I should be well dressed and groomed. Walk with good posture. Always smile. Be a nice person. He told me this because he believed it would help people look past my confronting chronic illness.

I love fashion as much as the next girl. And I enjoy being photographed - you can probably tell from the amount of photos I post of myself here. I don't follow trends religiously, and know I'm not supercool, but I love flicking through fashion magazines and blogs, and shopping is my religion. Sometimes I plan my outfits like someone would plan an important project - I probably devote far too much time on thinking about clothes. But dressing well makes me feel good, and I also receive lots of compliments. And what woman doesn't want that? A pretty dress can take my mind off my scaly scalp. And wearing a nice outfit after a week of hanging in my trackies while off work sick is a great pick me up. And dressing well also makes me feel like others are looking past my redness - and seeing me for my personality, interests and creativity.

I don't think my interest in fashion and yearning to dress well is vanity. I hate that trait. To me, vanity is ugly.

(source)

I hate the homogenisation of image, and the need to look perfect at all times - just like the models in magazines. People look the same - and fear difference. They associate bad looks with failure. But I think individuality is beautiful. Why would you want to look like everyone else?

When people start talking about how ugly they look in person or photos, or talk about their bad hair-day or minute pimple, I tune out. Boring. Superficiality is boring. As I wrote the other day, I hate the fishing for compliments when they post 'bad' pictures of themselves online. I regard it as self obsessed, insecure and disrespectful to greater issues. It's like they think their looks are the only thing they have going for them. Well, in some cases, it may well be...

Get this - I was once told that I wouldn't know what it's like to be teased because I'm beautiful. Because this woman was teased because she was beautiful. I know. Difficult times. Because it's not like I know what it's like to be teased because of my appearance. (And as karma would have it, the person who said this to me is in an extremely bad place now, a place I wouldn't wish on anyone.)

Call me harsh, but in all honesty I can't fathom the comparisons 'beautiful people' make between the ridicule they receive compared to the insults people with disabilities and disfigurements receive. It may be naive or small minded, or perhaps judgemental of me, but I don't get these comparisons. I don't get the desire to change image 'for the better' through surgery or cosmetic treatments. And perhaps by my commentary here, I am being judgemental towards those genetically blessed people.

I recently saw a video of the UK TV documentary/reality TV show Beauty and the Beast - The Ugly Face of Prejudice. While I completely disagree with the term 'beast' used about someone's appearance, I agree with the premise of the show, and need to showcase the reality (if a reality TV show can be deemed a reality) of the prejudices faced by people with disabilities and disfigurements, and changing peoples' perceptions and value of appearance.

Beauty and the Beast pairs up self obsessed, vain beauties with people born with disabilities or acquired disfigurements, and helps the 'beauty' do away with the importance placed on image.

(source)

Hosted by Adam Pearson, the show deals with the invisibility felt by people with disabilities or disfigurements, and discrimination experienced - surprisingly by both the pair. Discrimination due to image is just as difficult as discrimination due to inaccessibility. One of the most important statements in the show is "Imagine if I'd been turned away because I was black, or I simply just wasn't good looking enough? Where do you draw the line on discrimination by looks?"

There are no YouTube videos of the show that can be embedded on my blog, but you can watch the videos from here. I really felt moved by this video - the interaction between Leo and Yasmin.

(source)

But there is a good vlog providing a commentary of Beauty and the Best that I want to share:

Great thoughts, Mike. And I can hear Savage Garden in the background!

While I haven't been obviously directly discriminated on due to my appearance, I'm sure it's happened. Maybe I didn't get a job because there was a perception I'd be too much of a liability. I have certainly been told that it's great I'm out in public and not locked away somewhere.

And of course, there's the staring and comments. Sometimes I position myself facing away from people - particularly kids - at cafes, just to avoid being stared and pointed at in public.

I often tire of peoples' vanity. I once told someone who didn't want a photo taken of themselves due to a bad hair day that "if I can be ok with my appearance after being called ugly by a group of five dwarfs in public, then you can be ok with yours".

Yep, I'm always telling it as it is. Hopefully to make people realise that looking good isn't everything.

There's more of this that I want to cover - but I've written heaps here, so look out for future blog entries continuing the topic.

I am so passionate about this topic - please spread the word!

Listography - pet hates

Sydney Shop Girl has been doing a series of memes, and I've taken inspiration from her Listography series (as inspired by Kate Takes 5).

This first one is pet hates. Ok, I probably should have started with a more positive list, but I need to get back into some more in-depth writing, and what better to do so is through a series of small rants.

1) The following expressions:

• 'a bunch of...' - ugh. So American. A bunch of grapes, bananas or flowers yes, but a bunch of money/clothes/ideas/stuff NO! And 'a bunch of fun' just makes no sense. A bunch is not a good quantifier. I saw this expression used by a credible Australian writer recently and was shocked.
  
  
  (source)
• 'all but...'. I don't even know what this means? Is it that something has or hasn't happened? All but given up hope. All but lost? Is it simpler to say or write 'given up hope' or 'was lost'. 'All but' seems so redundant. And the message is lost.
• 'became a Dad for the 2/3/4th time'. Okay. Big pet hate. You can become a Dad/Mum/Aunty/pet owner once - because you've gone from not being one, to becoming one. But once you're already a Dad/Mum/Aunty/pet owner, you can't become one again.

2) Lateness. I hate it. It's rude and inconsiderate, and constantly becoming a trait. I know things come up - traffic, family emergencies, work - but when someone is constantly late, it's tiring. Non committal. Devaluing. And I think the mobile phone contributes to lateness - it's like the late person thinks 'oh, they won't mind if I'm late, I'll send them a text to let them know'. If you want to impress me, be punctual.

(source)

3) A lot of music of today. I'm looking at YOU, commercial radio and music TV. It's shit. Not inspirational, not quality, not clever. Just annoying, autotune, crappy lyrics, blatant sexualisation, and a lack of instruments. Katy Perry (Firework is really dull). Gaga. Chris Brown. Rihanna. Ke$ha. Black Eyed Peas. Bruno Mars. Akon. Whoever sings Like a G6 and Dirty Talk. Brian McFadden (thank God Clem Bastow pulled him into line!). I think you're all boring. And definitely NOT role models. I don't want to hear you singing, badly, about climaxes, whips and chains, sexual violence, hot wax and g-spots.

Tell me - on first glance of that picture above, would you think Rihanna is a singer or a badly dressed (and uncomfortable) sex worker? Bern Morley has written a brilliant blog entry on the inappropriateness of song lyrics.

4) Meal replacements instead of balanced meals.

(source)

If you want to feel healthy and maintain a healthy size, eat a balanced diet! That means fruit and vegetables, dairy, meat or meat alternatives and grains or grain alternatives. A powder in a sachet mixed with water cannot be good for you. Or yummy. Food is good for you. Food is yummy. I hate seeing women guzzling meal replacement shakes for lunch, complaining about hunger, then sneaking in chocolates and chips later. And also envying my (varied) meals.

5) Vanity. Oh I am planning a whole blog entry on vanity.

(source)

I am all for taking pride in myself and looking as good as I can, and I love receiving compliments on my appearance, but I hate it when looking good becomes more important than being a good person, or - God help us - worldly issues. I particularly dislike people fishing for compliments by posting pictures on Facebook or blogs and state how awful they look, when there is NOTHING wrong with them.

Stay tuned on my vanity blog entry. I'll be sure to be looking better than you when I write it.