Why I'm breaking up with my online illness specific support group.

A few weeks ago I gave up an online illness specific support group. I told the group I was leaving, citing that it adds no value to my life and I find the negativity of some members so frustrating. I also advised the close friends I had made there - thy understood.

I have another post at Kiki and Tea today. Go read why I am breaking up with my online illness specific suppoort group (and also see the positive experiences I have had).

Clickety click.

Thanks for having me again, KK&T!

Julia Stone - Live at the Forum, 7 September 2012

You know I've been a fan of Angus and Julia Stone for many years now - I guess about six. I've loved their solo albums too, so when I saw Julia was touring solo, I just had to see her live. Last Friday night was the concert - and though windy and cold, it was well worth going out to see her.

The opening band - The Trouble with Templeton - were lovely. They were folky, upbeat and reminded me a little of Angus and Julia in their early days. I bought their CD at the end of the show and am looking forward to listening to it. My friend Clare described them as 'Sping-y'. I think that is a good description. Read more about them here.



Julia's stage design was simple yet pretty, with lovely star lights hanging from the ceiling. She had a five piece band who were excellent. The audience was mostly young females, but there was (as usual) the occasional male yelling out "I love you Julia".









She started off a little nervous and excited to be at the Forum, admitting her voice was a bit low, and forgetting the words, but she soon warmed up.



Perhaps due to her being solo, she didn't dance around as much on stage, staying close to the mic stand for most of the show. She said she misses Angus on this tour, but she seemed very comfortable playing alone too. It was also the first time I've seen her wearing shoes on stage!

She was very funny between songs, telling long winded stories of love lost and her broken heart. Her honesty and vulnerability is just beautiful, and I felt very empathetic toward her. I do hope she finds her true love soon!

And surprisingly, after someone requested Big Jet Plane, she said "I wish I could play it but I don't know the chords"!



Most of the songs were from her two solo albums - The Memory Machine and By the Horns, but there were also some Angus and Julia favourites in there, including the amazing For You and And the Boys, plus two covers. Though her style is very distinct, the covers of Olivia Newton John's You're the One that I Want and Fleetwood Mac's Dreams showed she is versatile - she really made these songs her own. I was mesmorised through Dreams and I hope she releases it as a song to buy.



Her voice is so powerful, and the way she moves her hands and her dress on stage shows just how much her songs become her. She is an incredible lyricist. I watched from the front row amazed and emotional. Her lyrics really hit home for me, after the week I had.



Thank you so much for playing, Julia. You were a delight.

Sunday snippets

Yesterday Trudie came to visit! She moved back to Perth last year and I have missed her. We did lots of fun things including shopping (seeing some interesting mannequins), a movie (Kath and Kimderella (um - don't bother), and lots of eating (Brunetti's, Victoria Market and Grill'd)! I had a haircut too. And I bought two pairs of bathers for the surfing lesson on Thursday. I made pizzas for dinner - roast chicken, tomato, basil, spinach, brie and pear.

 

 

 

 

 

For more Sunday Snippets visit Tinniegirl

This week: Andy Truong, Catherine Manuell, warm salad, pretty things and Julia Stone

It has been a significant week. I have been out three nights in a row, been incredibly asseertive about my needs a number of times - including confronting users of a website who had misused my photo, and had some big events on at work. Yesterday I went to the hospital to have my eyes checked. You may remember last summer my eyes were not doing so great. The opthamologist checked them yesterday (it is such an uncomfortable experience!) and said they are doing so well that I don't need to return for a year! That is good news! The eye drops, gel and sunnies must be working!

On Wednesday I went to see Andy Truong at Fashion Week. It was lovely, but very crowded and due to a combination of the crowd, too high heels amd feeling a bit sad, I did not stay long. Andy's collection is beautiful and I want to buy one of the dresses.

Watch the news story here.

I also went to Catherine Maneull Designs showcase on Thursday. I am a huge fan of her bags - I have a handbag, several purses, a laptop sleeve, a clutch and a toilet bag, so was excited about this event!

I love the colours and textures and that it

I got talking with a woman, she asked me where I work, I asked her where she works, and she said "I am Catherine"! Oops' she was so lovely. She posed with this cushion I purchased.

We got lovely gifts at the showcase - the little red and white purse was for checking in on Facebook.

I made this warm salad - perfect for the sunny Spring weather we got at the start of the week. It soon turned cold though!

The salad is broad beans, peas, lemon zest, balsamic amd feta. It is also yum with pumpkin.

I found this cup at my local opshop. $2!!

This mosaic was at Flinders St Street Station. Isn't it cool?!

I had a stack of great mail yesterday, including concert tickets, a shirt I bought after reading this article and fabulous fashion blog, and five parcels. Camille made and sent me my capelet for the ball, it is heaven. Here is a sneaky peek.

And I saw the divine Julia Stone live last night - review to come. She was magic.

That is it! I am about to get out of bed and head into the city to meet Trudie - she is over from Perth to visit. Yay!!

Don't forget to read my debut column on Kiki & Tea (the comments are just lovely - thank you) and visit my Facebook page.

Have a great Saturday! What are your plans?

"I guess I always knew the score, this is how our story ends" - debut column on Kiki&Tea

There are some words that feel more comfortable published somewhere else. This is a piece I wrote for my debut on Kiki & Tea, as a result of a difficult (yet also somewhat easy) decision to make. Sometimes it takes a bang to make you get your shit together.

"So no of course we cant be friends
Not while I'm still this obsessed
I guess I always knew the score
This is how our story ends"
(Garbage - Cup of coffee)
~
I wrote him a letter to set my heart free. And so the future begins, lighter and brighter ♥

Read my post here. And then give me a hug.

Thanks for having me KiKi & Tea.

Readers, like their Facebook and follow their tweets

This space has been volunteered to promote volunteering.

Volunteering is crucial in the community. From parents who help at school fetes, working bees and on canteen duty, blood donors, sports coaches, Girl Guide and Scout leaders, to families who provide respite to parents of children with disabilities, English tutors for migrants, meals on wheels deliverers and charity fund raisers. Volunteering helps people in needs. It enables information and skills to be shared and developed. It helps the community and it helps people grow.

I am a volunteer. I currently volunteer at Grit Media, creating the disability focused TV show No Limits. I used to volunteer as a mentor at the Royal Children's Hospital's Chronic Illness Peer Support (ChIPS) program. I love it! These volunteer positions have taught me skills in leadership, listening and disability awareness, and I have met many people from diverse backgrounds. I have made some close friends too. And the skills learnt volunteering are transferrable to the workplace.

When I put the question "Do you volunteer?" out on Facebook my friends came back with some fantastic stories, and it inspired me.

Cheryl in New York told me, "my focus in life is the care and education of children. Although most of my peers are retired by now (we're in our early 60s) I'm busier than ever, volunteering at Head Start, a government-sponsored preschool in the U.S. I do everything from taking pictures, buying and cataloging books, suppliing dolls, crayons, toys, games, to working one-on-one with needy children. I'm there 4 days out of 5, and on the fifth day I miss it! When I'm there at school I don't think about myself; it's always about the children. When I get home, the stresses can manifest themselves (binge eating, mostly). But I'll be there as long as I have breath in my body."

Jess volunteers in the health sector, while studying for a nursing degree, as well as battling a severe chronic illness. She says: "volunteering does give you a sense of purpose. Due to being chronically Ill, I cannot work, but being able to volunteer when I am up to it makes me feel that I am still productive to society.

I run a social group for Chronically Ill teenage girls in Ballarat, once a month - it is called Slow Cure? No Problem! I am now also president of the Friends of St John Ambulance Ballarat. We raise money, and provide support to St John ambulance. I can't imagine not volunteering."

And Lindy told me:

"Our family volunteers for an Australian foundation called Mercy International' - they have 3 orphanages across Thailand. In a weeks time my husband and I are heading to Thailand to work in the orphanages - this will be my 3rd trip and my husbands first. My husband will finally get to meet our sponsor son of 5 yrs. our daughter (who is 19 and has raised the money herself to make the orphanage mission trip 3times) and I recently held a fundraiser for Mercy to help with the building of a new orphanage for HIV+ children.

We are the lucky ones to have these children in our lives. These children are the 'lucky ones' as they have found their way to Mercy and not ended up in one of the horrid state orphanages. Our sponsor son Toto is HIV+ and our government will not let him in our lucky country - but if it was possible we would have adopted him years ago in a heart beat! I had spinal surgery and eye surgery recently - so unfortunately this trip I will not be helping as physically as I have in the past - painting, cleaning, gardening, digging trenches, etc but there will plenty I can still do. And the kids don't care what we look like, who we are, what we do they just love that we go to spend time with them and help out where ever we can. And when these kids smile any aches and pains we have seem to just melt away. I just can't wait to give Toto the biggest hug ever! Check out 'Mercy International' on Facebook =)

In our local community my husband is president of the best soccer club."

I was so proud to read their stories. Over on my blog's Facebook page, friends told me they take professional photos for individuals and organisations at no cost, volunteer at St Vincent De Paul's and St Kilda Mums.

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In the spirit of volunteering, ten years ago the guys at SEEK volunteered to build a site to find individuals for Australia’s thousands of not-for-profit organisations.

SEEKVolunteer is a site that represents every Australian charity, organisation and community project that requires volunteers to ensure their success. It is a site that places passionate individuals with not-for-profit projects that really needs them.

Since being launched SEEKVolunteer has been responsible for placing thousands of individuals in not-for-profit projects and organisations. Passionate individuals have been connected to the charities that need them, from Red Cross and Oxfam to local people and businesses trying to help their own communities.

The need for volunteers never stops growing. In fact, thousands of Australian not-for- profit organisations need to fill volunteer positions this year. Unfortunately, this ever- growing need is not widely known. We want to get the message out there about the power of volunteering. And demonstrate that anything’s possible when enough people come together with a common goal.

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Do you volunteer? What do you do?

The use and discussion of my picture on a murky website.

When writing my thesis I reflected on the way I used to blog to how I do now - mainly how much trust I have developed in my readers. Before Tune into Radio Carly I had other blogs, and I was reluctant to use my name, photo or mention my skin condition. Back when I started using the internet, in 1996, the internet was uncharted territory. Until recently, it was regarded as unsafe to share information with strangers online. And I freaked my parents out by meeting so many strangers from the internet in real life.

The sharing of pictures and creation of horrid memes against disability is another form of trolling. There are probably many many people who don't know that their image is being shared. I see horrible comments below images and stories about disabled children. I see tweets about Ichthyosis that make me feel sick. This is not ok.

I mentioned that I was reluctant to share my photo online because I feared that it would be misused - as in, discussed on an unsavoury website, about how grotesque I look. Now I share so much - pictures, stories and personal events. I have great faith in humanity.

Today when looking at my blog statistics, I saw that someone had visited my blog via a forum called My Deathspace. Uh oh. The name doesn't sound like sunshine and happiness.

So I created an account to enable me to view the page, and held my breath. What could they be saying about me on My Deathspace? (And I realise how narcisstic that sounds, but when you look as different as I do, you may worry about being misrepresented too.)

The thread is called 'NSFW - Random pictures!!!!'.

I scrolled down to see some discussion about babies being born with penises on their heads. And then harlequin ichthyosis - saw an online friend's name mentioned (and I emailed her to let her know). There was discussion about the discussion - showing concern and pity instead of ridicule (thank goodness) and then saw my picture. This one.

And then I felt a bit sick. I don't have so much of a problem with my picture being used without permission, but I do have a problem with it being discussed in the context of the freakshow or grotesque people. I have a problem with the derogatory discussion of visibly different people. I held my breath again to read what was written about me.

Someone said:

"There is an aussie blogger who has ichthyosis - is that what a harlequin is?" and linked to my blog.

And then someone else was so kind:

"what a great blog she has! i like this gal! good find!"

It could have been so much worse.

A few friends suggested I write back, educating them. And so I did - my comment is yet to be moderated yet there's a picture of someone breast feeding a gnome below the discussion about me. I digress:

Hi there

It's Carly - the Aussie blogger you posted a picture of.

Firstly - thank you for e compliment. Your words are much kinder than I expected. Im not comfortable with my photo being discussed on a site like this, but I know that I put my story out there in my blog so it is inevitable I'll be discussed somewhere.

My form of Ichthyosis is not harlequin though similar. The variations of Ichthyosis are wide, and treatments vary. It is medically and socially challenging but I have used it to an advantage through writing and speaking and tv work :) I recently went to England to speak at a conference about appearance - speaking about the assumptions people make about my life - taking pity on me etc.

For more information visit carlyfindlay.blogspot.com

There's a page dedicated to Ichthyosis on my blog - http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com.au/p/what-is-ichthyosis.html

I hope you can show others the same respect you've shown me.

Thank you again. Kindest regards, Carly

-
I don't feel so sick now. A bit shaken I guess, but ok. I put myself out there, so I have got to expect it, don't I?

I guess I also judged the type of people who may use these sorts of sites. The comments about me were not so bad, and the users showed compassion.

Before using the internet to discuss what ANYONE looks like - traditionally beautiful or visibly different - have a think about that person finding your words.

Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle it?

(And the thread is here if you're interested: http://mydeathspace.com/vb/showthread.php?1313-nsfw-random-pictures!!!!/page1145)

Edit: my picture was removed from the discussion thread - thanks original poster. I appreciate it. Though despite being the religious screen shotter, I didn't screen shot the original thread!

Do you dare to dream? Layne Beachley Aim for the Stars grant applications are open now!

Earlier this year I was a lucky recipient of the Layne Beachley Aim for the Stars Foundation grant. World champion Australian surfer Layne Beachley set up this foundation to give girls and women a kick start in, well, aiming for the stars. Lane says:

"This Foundation is all about empowering and enabling individuals to take control of their lives, to invest in their future and fulfil their potential. We support girls and women with initiative and passion, that are committed to achieving a dream and courageous enough to ask for help along the way."

href="http://www.aimforthestars.com.au/who">
Next week something very exciting is happening!

I am being flown to Sydney to attend the Layne Beachley Aim for the Stars training days and gala ball! Finally I will meet Layne and Megan, and thank them for the wonderful opportunity and support they have given me. I'll also get to meet the other grant recipients - sportswomen including Olympians, youth workers, scientists, designers, actors and students, just to name a few pursuits.

Over the two days, we will receive life coaching, media training and a surfing lesson! We will also visit Government House and be guests of honour at the gala ball. Outfits in their planning stages. I am very excited! (And on the Saturday I'll be shopping and branching with my dear friend Sydney Shop Girl and her baby bump!)

I can't wait to tell you about my trip!

The grant has helped me get to England to speak at the Appearance Matters conference. I've already received a life coaching session and set goals, and had some media opportunities. The Aim for the Stars team are exteemely encouraging of all the grant recipients - promoting our achievements on their Twitter and Facebook pages. They regularly promote my blog entries, and I love to see what the other recipients are doing through updates.

If you are an Australian female with big dreams - not just sport - and need a kick start, I strongly encourage you to apply for the Layne Beachley Aim for the Stars grant. The Foundation is now accepting applications. There are a few parts to the application package (like a job application) but it is definitely worth applying. When I applied last year, I put my application together with the same branding as on my website - purple and grey with the picture banner - and have been able to use the resume created especially for the grant again. During the application process I was not afraid to contact the foundation to ask questions about the process and the grant. And then, in January this year, I received the memorable call from Layne!

Maybe you want to create a writer's retreat? Or a set up a support group? Study abroad? Or write a book? Or begin training for the 2016 Olympics? I know a few people with big dreams and I hope you apply. Whatever your dream, this grant can help you financially and professionally.

I wish you the best of luck if you decide to apply. And if you have a friend or relative who you think could benefit from the grant, please forward them the application details.

Thanks Layne and Megan and the AFTS team - see you next week!

(Pictures sourced from the Aim for the Stars website.)

PS: you can see what I am up to when I am not blogging on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram (I take a lot of pictures of food!).

On cyber bullying and social media experts.

It's late. I've got an article to write, a TV show to watch, and a Twitter chat to participate in. But the awful bullying toward Charlotte Dawson that led to her hospitalisation is still on my mind. I have a few thoughts. I don't want to go into it in detail - so many publications have already.

I don't think the answer to cyber bullying is to switch off the computer or phone. The internet is real life so there's no separation between real life and the virtual world. Talking to people online is real life because we are real people (and nasty online behaviour is so worrying - what are these bullies like without the protection of the screen?). Real people communicating in real time, even the fake profiles.

I feel for the children and adolescents who are on the receiving end of cyber bullying who don't have the adequate coping skills or support networks to handle the bullies.

I really like Bush Babe's post on the topic. You should read it.

People say that if you put yourself out there as a journalist or a blogger, or in the media sphere, you're asking for criticism. To me that's like saying a woman wearing a short skirt is asking for it. Sure online journalists, bloggers and tweeters are open to two way communication, but I think there has to be an agreement for any two way interaction with a person - the agreement may be implicit through responding to polite comments. But often trolls just come uninvited, criticising personal traits and appearance, and not constructively contributing to the online conversation.

I'd also like to see more commenters and experts on social media actually engaging in and understanding social media: most people I know who comment negatively or develop social media policies have never participated in it and are too scared to. This needs to change.

What are your thoughts?

Interview with young fashion designer Andy Truong

Melbourne Spring Fashion Week begins on 3 September, and Andy Truong is making his designer debut. Andy is 15 years old and juggling his high school studies and fashion design. I love his work ethic and determination to follow his dreams. I believe the experiences he has had through fashion design are every bit as important as traditional school based study - they have taught him resilience, contingency planning and creativity.

Andy had kindly shared his story with Tune into Radio Carly. As well as a talented designer, I think he's a great writer too. Thanks Andy, and I look forward to seeing your show this week.

How long have you wanted to be a fashion designer? Why have you chosen this path?

"I didn't always want to be a fashion designer until I understood the job better and what it was at about 7 or 8 years old. I always had a small phases where I'd be like I want to be a teacher, a lawyer, a policeman, a signer like all kids do. But I have wanted to be a fashion designer since 7 or 8 years old.

I chose this path because I was always around it and I am comfortable in it. You know, I forget all about my troubles whenever I sew; always."

How do you balance studying year 10 and fashion design?

"I am currently in year 10 at Kew High School in Melbourne, Victoria. I actually don't know how I balance year 10 and fashion and a part time job! It just happens, you just need to sort out your priorities (Ha! Obviously fashion...) I spend whatever time I have free on designing. I try to do as often as possible and I somehow always find myself sketching away in class when I should be revising for a test!"

What has it taken you to put this show together?

"Everything. I have spent every free minute of the past 3 months planning for this event to be perfect. At first I would always come home stressed that there will no models, or people will not show up or something will go terribly wrong days before my show and crack it with everyone.

A situation I had was that I had chosen and paid a deposit for my venue in Port Melbourne and then a day later MSFW emails me saying that my venue is not in the municipality of the City of Melbourne and that I need to find another venue in less than 24 hours, that ticked all the boxes of capacity, price and date, all by tomorrow... At that moment I cracked; I cried and panicked and even thought of dropping out of fashion week! Fortunately, I found another venue at Trunk and met the deadline!"

Tell me about the funding you received to help you?

"A month ago, I was lucky enough to gain financial support from Connections - South Eastern Chances Scholarship. This helped paid the venue space. Then a few weeks ago I gained sponsorship from a jewellery brand called Liberté Designs for the show and a few days, I received great news that Wittner will be sponsoring the shoes for the show! Other than that, I am working my job at Hoyts Cinemas to pay for the show and I am happy to do so!"

Tell me about your collection.

"My latest collection is my SS 12/13 collection. There are a dozen pieces and the inspiration was warm, vibrant, tropical exotic things. So birds, fish, plants and anything bright and topical was an inspiration. I also wanted to incorporate my culture in the collection by making my version of the Vietnamese national costume; the Áo Dài. It's a tunic with side splits and worn with pants. Since I am not yet comfortable at making pants what I did was have a skirt instead."

What advice do you give young people who have a big dream like you had?

"I would say stick to your dream, know what to do and where to go and how to get there and work your way to it and you'll do great. Doing lots of research is always great too."

What are your hopes for the future? Who would you love to work with?

"In 5 years I see myself in New York showcasing at NYFW and studying at Parsons. In 10 - 15 years hopefully I'll have a couture line in Paris. I'd really love to work with Zac Posen or Elie Saab or Christian Dior or John Galliano."

Where is your show being held?

"My show is going to be on Wednesday 5 September at Trunk Town, 275 Exhibition St Melbourne 3000 at 7pm. Tickets are selling at the door for $20 each or for a group of 6 it is $100, save $20."

More information about Andy can be found on his Facebook page.
All pictures sourced from Andy's Facebook page with permission.
Find out about Melbourne Spring Fashion Week here.

Travel tales: the posh end of NYC. Bar Italia. Acapella Soul. A drink at the bar.

I still have a lot of memories of New York to record. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

On our second Tuesday in New York Mum and I found ourselves in the posh area of town. The Upper East Side. Mum was sick and so we booked an appointment with the travel doctor, who happens to have an award signed by Donald Trump. We had a long wait for the doctor and so we walked up 5th Avenue and Madison Avenue. How the other half live! We saw stunning apartments, embassies and lots of trees. And compared to the neighbourhood we stayed in (Midtown, close to Times Square) there was not much rubbish on the pavements. I made up a game - who can guess the embassy's flag. I think I won this game!

We were both tired and so decided to rest when we saw a group of acapella singers outside the Met. It was a lovely hour sitting on the steps of the Met, listening to them sing and watching the crowd, as delighted as we were. The group Is called Acapella Soul and they told us they have sung for Paul McCartney, Uma Thurman and Mayor Michael Bloomberg, just to name a few. We enjoyed My Girl, Lean on Me, Your love keeps lifting me higher and other mowtown songs. It was such fun, and a really good way to spend an hour. There is always something to do in New York City.

The trip to the doctor confirmed, once again, what a lucky country we live in. For a 15 minute consultation, Mum paid $280, and for three prescriptions she paid $240. Fortunately we both have medical travel insurance, but for many, a visit to the doctor would be inaffordable. It is a scary thought.

Being in the Upper East Side meant we could browse the shops we could never afford to purchase from. It was fun, and I jokingly thanked Mum for getting sick. We stopped at the first restaurant we found - Bar Italia (768 Madison Avenue) - after a long walk down Madison Avenue. There are many many clothes shops along Madison Avenue, but few restaurants. By 2.30 pm we were both on the verge of Angry-Hungry, so a meal at Bar Italia was just what we neede. And we were impressed! Bar Italia served the best spaghetti cabonara I have ever had. It was so tasty. Creamy and cheesy and just salty enough. I think the secret was that it was topped with parmesan toasted breadcrumbs. Delicious!

I had dessert too - vanilla bean panna cotta with berry coulis. My only complaint was that I didn't have two servings. Yum!

To be honest, the service started a little gruff at Bar Italia - and it wasn't helped by the fact that I had spilt the olive oil and vinegar bowl on the table - but after I complimented them on the best cabonara I had ever eaten, the staff warmed to us, telling us that some Italian builders told them the cabonara was the best outside Italy. While on the pricey side for a New York meal ($23 for the bowl of cabonara), I do recommend eating at Bar Italia.

After lunch we wandered through the shops. Mum treated me to two silk tops, one hugely discounted, from a store called Talbolt's. Talbot's is a bit old lady, but if you hunt around long enough, you can find some pretty pieces for a corporate wardrobe. Here's me in my blue and green top (sitting on the couch at home!).

Fortunately Mum felt better quite soon after she began the million dollar antibiotics and painkillers. Like on most of our nights in New York, we made a trip down to the bar. I had my new favourite drink - a very chocolately brandy Alexander. Brandy Alexander happened to be the show name of one of our dogs.

I do believe this cocktail - and another - may have been followed with a Quarter Pouder chaser at midnight...

The one where I quote a Kelly Clarkson song.

"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

I used to picture this song playing, as strong women box at the gym, sweat dripping off them, swollen jugulars. Determination. Hearts pounding. In recent weeks the song has taken on a new meaning for me. It's true. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Exactly a year ago, my heart was so broken that I thought it was unrecoverable. The grief, though abstract, made my body ache. When you love someone, worry about their safety and write countless words to tell them they're worth being here, it is devastating knowing you are so easily and quickly replaceable. I cried. I wondered why. I missed him. So much.

He said we'd still be friends. I don't think we are. I guess in the Facebook sense we are, but that's all. How can we be friends when...? An actual friend told me, "you wouldn't stay friends with someone who's broken your arm. So why stay friends with someone who has broken your heart?"

For a while I didn't think I would feel the same as I felt before I met him. I never thought I'd feel that much love for another man - maybe I won't. I felt used, cheapened and dependent. And he just didn't understand the reason for my sadness. It was hard seeing the man I loved was the happiest he's ever been because of someone else.

I burnt my hand the day after my heart broke. The combined pain was awful. I had to go to the hospital twice that day - once for a dermatology appointment and three hours later when I burnt my hand. I cried both times. A friend, Suz, came to my house to deliver me dinner because I was too sore and sad to cook. I told her this was the worst day of my life. It was the best lamb curry I have eaten. Last night my friend told me she can't believe it was a year ago, and that I did it! I got through!

Now I feel neutral. I still love him, I still miss him. But I no longer worry, and there's no residual anger. I once even spoke her name when talking to a friend. I can listen to Somebody That I Used To Know and Someone Like You without a rush of tears. I have almost stopped counting the months since.

Writing helped. I wrote a lot - published blog posts, left posts unpublished, and wrote unsent letters - so much I wanted to tell him but didn't. Your words of support helped. Thank you.

And now I am so happy with my life. This year has been amazing. I feel strong, independent and free. My other friend Kate said "the best way to recover is to live a brilliant life". And she is right.

Exactly a year ago I was so sad. And now I'm not. :)

Breakfast with Ita Buttrose (a Business Chicks event)

(source)

On my overseas trip, I vowed to take up more professional development and networking opportunities. Attend conferences, courses, public lectures and dinners where I will meet people and learn something from a speaker or the attendees. I was in London when I saw a tweet from Business Chicks advertising a breakfast event featuring media superwoman Ita Buttrose. And so I registered a membership with them and snapped up a ticket immediately. I could not miss this event.

When I arrived, I met a number of wonderful blogging and twitter friends including Valerie Khoo, Nicole Avery, Anna Spargo-Ryan, Nathalie Brown and Jasmin Tragas (click on their twitter profiles for links to their blogs). It was great to catch up. The breakfast was yummy and the gift bags were packed with enough goodies to put in my food drawer at work as well as share with my colleagues.

Like others of my generation, I was not aware of Ita's successful enormous career until I watched Paper Giants starring Asher Keddie. I wrote about Paper Giants here. Ita did mention that Paper Giants has meant a new generation are aware of her, and it has boosted her career.

Ita knew she wanted to be a journalist at 11. She commenced work at 16 as a copywriter at the Australian Women's Weekly. She was founding editor of Cleo magazine, here providing groundbreaking advice on women's sexuality (on Friday she spoke of a doctor calling her to ask her advice on whether a couple's sex life would be the same after the woman had a hyresterctomy. She had such influence.) In 1972 she was appointed as the youngest ever editor of the Women's Weekly. Ita was the first female of News Limited and 'womanised' the Daily and Sunday Telegraph newspapers. She has been the spokesperson for the Grim Reaper AIDS campaign and founder of a publishing company.

Ita shows no signs of slowing down - Wimipedia states she was born in 1942. What a woman! She believes in taking time out for ourselves to meditate and exercise. From the Women's Agenda website:

"Ita Buttrose is chairwoman of the Sydney-based digital publishing company, Reddo Media Services, and a regular social commentator on Channel Nine's Today Show. She is National President of Alzheimer's Australia, Vice President Emeritus of Arthritis Australia, patron of the Macular Degeneration Foundation of Australia, and a Trustee of the Centennial Park and Moore Park Trust. Her 11th book, "A Passionate Life" - the third edition of her autobiography – has just been published by Penguin."

It was truly a privilege to see Ita speak. She was intelligent, composed, and very funny! I loved that she is proud of her many many achievements and not afraid to speak of them. This is a quality I admire so much.

I tweeted a lot of the points that resonated with me. While others may think it is rude to be using a phone during a presentation, I love that tweeting is both making notes for ourselves later and sharing messages with people that couldn't attend an event.

The room was filled with 900 women and about five men. Ita said she is suspicious of the motives of the men in the room, but does see how attending the Business Chicks events are a good way to meet women!

She spoke a lot about the inequality the still surrounds women - drawing on her experiences in male dominated workplaces at the start of her career (men letting lifts shut in her face, saying that they'd have to change their jokey, sweary ways around her) to mentioning the discrimination that still happens today. The discussion of Julia Gillard's clothing and bottom on Q&A was one example she raised, and she also spoke in disgust of the treatment Gina Rinehart has received (see article here). On discrimination, Ita said "if you decide to play in the jungle, you have got to cop whatever the jungle dishes out". I think this is such a salient point for bloggers today - we choose to put our voices out there, and so we need to expect opposing views.

She also talked about how the Cleo Magazine that she created was not the Cleo Magazine of today. It covered important issues about sex, domestic violence, women's health and body image. She said that she did not run articles on diets because she knew they contributed to eating disorders. She stated "media jobs bring with them power, but also huge responsibility". She used her influence in the media to help women.

Ita spoke a little about the success of Paper Giants and how Asher Keddie mimicked her speech and mannerisms so well that at dinner, Ita jokingly asked Asher to stop mimicking her. She said she was stopped in the street recently by a driver who said "are you the real Ita or the actress?!". Hah! She said that Asher performed her lisp well, though Ita did not realise she had a lisp until microphones came in during the 1970s. She spoke of how a speech therapist once told her "how dare you open your mouth in public with a speech impediment like that?". I find this incredibly sad and discriminatory, but Ita did not let her lisp stop her.

She encouraged the room to give back to the community, speaking of the charity work she has done for World Vision amd continues to do for Alzheimer's Australia. She said she enjoyed being involved in a protest on Parliament House recently, protesting with Bob and Hazel Hawke's daughter around funding for patients.

It was intersting to hear how she balanced having children and being in the public eye. She said her children remain unaffected by her success and career, and when her son was very young he used to call out "Mum! ita Buttrose is on TV!" She remarked "I don't know who he thought I was!"

In closing she encouraged us all to do work that makes us happy. "Life's too short to do something that makes you unhappy", she said, and urged us to think about how we'd live our lives on finding out we only have six months left to live. Hilariously she quipped, "you'd move to Adelaide and become an accountant. That'd be the longest six months of your life!"

I am truly in awe of Ita. She really has achieved so much, and is generous to share what she has learnt. She is not only a role model for women in the media, but for all women with career and personal aspirstions.

At the end of the breakfast I purchased her autobiography and was fortunate enough to meet her briefly and have her sign the book. I thanked her for pioneering equality in the media, and briefly told her what I am doing with appearance activism through writing, speaking and TV work. She was so very interested in what I had to say and told me to "keep up the great work". Just look at her posture when signing my book. Look! All class.

Thank you Business Chicks for a wonderful event, and thank you Ita for inspiring and motivating me and taking that one minute to make me feel valued.

(PS - I have been sharing a lot on my blog's Facebook page, so if you are interested in seeing what I am up to between blog entries, click the Like button :)

My favourite thing to do on a cold Melbourne Sunday: lunch at Jackson Cafe and Gallery, a peek at Gleaner's Inc.

The best part of being home is catching up with friends, picking up where we left off. The next best bits of being home are the cold weather and the food. I love being able to rug up and feel comfortable, and I also love getting back to cooking my own meals and going to Melbourne's great cafes. My friends Lotus and Willow from Red Phoenix Emporium told me their Uncle and Aunty have set up a cafe in Melbourne, and I was keen to visit.

Last Sunday Cam and I caught up at Jackson Cafe and Gallery at 412 Rathdowne St Carlton North. She picked me up and the 10 minute drive from my place ended up taking an hour. We got quite lost. And my map app on my phone thought it was still in New York, directing us to The Carlton in Madison Avenue NYC! Hah!

We finally arrived, tummies rumbling, and we were greeted by Lotus and Willow's Mum and Dad Sandra and JJ, and of course, Peter and Annie Jackson who own the cafe gallery. The cafe gallery was hard to locate last week but Peter told us the signage would arrive the day after we visited. It's only been open for two weeks now! It has plenty of cushions along the window seat, a communal table in the front service room, and a back room with more tables and some armchairs near a fireplace.

Cam and I had hot drinks by the fireplace - she had coffee and I had one of the best hot chocolates ever. So chocolately! We had lunch too - she had tomato, ham and cheese bruschetta (which she said was yum!) and I had a really hearty eggplant parma with a side salad. It was a great meal for a cold wintery day.

The walls are adorned with artwork - for now they are all by Peter, but the cafe gallery is open to showcasing works by other artists. It also sells jewellery and accessories by Red Phoenix Emporium - I love that they're now stocked in Melbourne.

We finished our lunch with a decadent brownie (cut in half to share - pictured above). Yum!

Peter and JJ took us upstairs to look at the gallery and a function room. It is a lovely space. Peter told us that he plans to have some Japanese cinema in the courtyard when the weather warms up, have musicians play, as well as provide art supplies to diners and hold a little competition of their finished works. I love the creative concepts.

I said to Cam that it felt very cosy, and like being at home. We were able to talk and talk and talk while our meals were prepared and there was no rush for us to leave. The older style building was nice, and I loved the winter sunlight.

After our lunch, Cam and I drove around looking for fabric shops that were open on a Sunday afternoon, and we finally found Clegs. Cam is sewing me a capelet for the ball. We also stopped by Gleaners Inc in Brunswick where I saw Cam's work for sale, as well as a magnificent bird themed curation by local artists.

There are so many handmade goodies to choose from at Gleaner's Inc, as well as some beautiful vintage trinkets - I adored a mini tea set. I bought a brooch made from a piece of recycled ceramic. It was a fun afternoon, and on arriving home, I said to Cam, I can't believe we were out for five hours! I love Melbourne!