On the improve :)

Hello!

I am feeling heaps better than Friday :) Though my body seems to go through a cycle everytime I go to hospital (even if this stay was so short!) and my skin still isn't at its best, I am pleased with my improvement. I survived the hot weekend, I got through a day at work today and I have cleaned the house.

Although I went to work today with my face feeling really good, and so I was more confident looking at the world, I felt pretty terrible inside. I know I get dangerously close to making this a medical/illness/skin related blog sometimes, which I don't want to do, so I'll be brief in my medical talk. My dad once said to me that it's funny that every day he asks me how my skin is. That skin should be such a big topic of conversation. I guess sometimes I feel defined by my skin because it is such a talking point, but I try not to let it define me.

Anyhow.

The antibiotics prescribed are much stronger than the ones I usually take. They make me feel so nauseous. I have painkillers that also make me feel this way, and honestly, I would rather put up with the pain than feel nauseous. I hate it. So this afternoon from about 1:45 pm until about 6:00 pm I felt like I was on the boat to Tasmania again. Really really shitty. But hey, my skin looked better than it did on Friday!

It's unlike me to go without food, but the only food I've eaten tonight is a piece of dry wholegrain spelt bread, and a cup of hot water mixed with a teaspoon of vegetable stock. And I just took the last antibiotics for the day so I ate a small piece of cheese afterward. I'm not even hungry, but I'm dreading the nausea tonight :/

On a brighter note, I know you'll all be envious at the rate my skin is regenerating - you can say since Friday I have rejuvenated to the point of that woman in the Silverchair Freak video. That's right - I don't pay for chemical peels and botox - my youthful looks are all in the genes and the vaseline.

Since I've had this blog I've 'met' so many lovely readers and received great comments. Thank you to everyone who stopped by to read my last post about the hospital trip. Thank you especially to those who left kind words of support and admiration. For me to be myself through this blog (and there are rarely instances nowadays when I'm not myself, but I have always been wary of revealing the true me online) and to have so many strangers and friends read my writing to see parts of me that many will never see and still accept me feels pretty amazing.

What I have been amazed at is the comments I've received on this blog (and also in real life) about the way my openness and honesty in the way I tell my story has made others ore confident to be more open and honest and to share their stories too. That is a big compliment.

Melanie in the UK and I 'met' years ago because we both used the Savage Garden forums. It turns out Darren Hayes fans in Australia were mistaking me for Melmo (Melanie's nickname) and would ask me if I was her. I often wondered why they asked. Somehow we got talking a few years into the future and she told me that she too had ichthyosis. And that is why I was mistaken for her? Anyhow, Melanie has started a blog too and she told me she now feels more comfortable discussing her condition because of my blog. Check her blog out, she writes really well, and she has great taste in music ;)

I've had a few offers and instances of real life help too these past few days which has been so lovely and reminded me of the great friends I have.

Thank you everyone for your care and concern. Your kindness really means a lot.

Tomorrow I have orientation at uni. I am excited and nervous about this coming year. It will be difficult and challenging and at times frustrating (just like every other semester, really) but I know I am going to enjoy it, especially seeing it's my final semester of my Masters. I love learning and I know I will enjoy researching and writing about my chosen topic.

Today I emailed the guy in charge of this semester's subject. I articulated the topic for my thesis in the email. It felt good to do this. Especially at the start of the semester. Sometimes I've gone through the whole semester just winging it. I felt good knowing that maybe I'll be flying toward a clear goal early on, rather than scrambling to make it at the end.

I was thinking, as a journal for my thesis, I might start another blog, devoted solely to that. Because the plan for my thesis topic is around Web 2.0, I may as well demonstrate my use of it. I'm not sure yet, but maybe it will help to articulate my thoughts and get some different perspectives. I will keep you posted.

It is almost bedtime. I am listening to old school Silverchair (Neon Ballroom period) before I sleep. I wish you a happy Tuesday :)

Perfection versus excellence

I received my course details for the second last subject of my Masters of Communication today. The subject before the thesis.

There is one month tomorrow until uni starts back. I am excited, but apprehensive at the same time. All the subjects except for one in the Masters course have been ones I've known how to do, or had some skills or knowledge to apply to the subject throughout the semester.

- Writing journalistic pieces and essays.
- Researching for journalistic pieces.
- Researching for essays.
- Editing.
- Experience in organisational communication and marketing.
- Analysing media.
- Blogging.

The subject I've struggled the most with to date is graphic design - bookmaking. I really enjoyed the subject, and have made some beautiful books, but I just couldn't grasp the actual design part of the subject. It probably would have been better for me to have studied some graphic design at TAFE or at the undergraduate level before taking it on at masters level. This isn't to say I did a bad job in the subject. I did pretty well, but I push myself very hard, and wanted to do better.

I've done well in all subjects which I am very proud of. I love this course. This is different to my undergraduate degree where I disliked all but about two subjects - I found the subjects I disliked boring and difficult, and wasn't sure how to apply them, but the ones I like I can apply to real life situations and found interesting.

The upcoming subject next semester is research strategies. The many many pages of reading that I haven't yet read through indicates that we'll be learning about various research methodologies, probably statistics and also attending multiple classes including weekend classes. Wow.

I'm a bit scared. Because these are the things I'm not very good at.

I know that in life, we need to do things that we're not good at. I have enjoyed this course so much that I don't want to let myself down by not enjoying it or not doing well (ie - not achieving a distinction).

It's strange how the things we are not good at we are scared of.

Sometimes I leave things until the last minute, scared to start, in case I don't do it perfectly. These are usually essays or other written pieces. That seems silly because I know writing is my strength. But I worry I may miss the point of the question, or not relate the concepts to references, or that my writing won't make sense because I am not really clear on the content.

Writing an essay is much different to writing something in plain English for a company audience, which is what I do on a daily basis at work. Usually at work, the information is presented to me already, and I just 'translate' it or edit it. And writing a blog is really colloquial and I usually write how I speak.

Conclusions of essays are my weakness, and I'm actually trying to refine my skills on this by writing this blog. I really hope come next subject, and then my thesis, I have refined my skills enough to write really good, concise and memorable conclusions.

I am genuinely nervous about my research strategies subject and the thesis. I have an idea, but I don't know whether I have enough skills to research it. And I also know I shouldn't worry because worry makes stress and stress means soreness and soreness means hospital and hospital means a long recovery time. I will try to be calm.

I guess the thing with striving for perfection is worrying that the final product won't be perfect and so we don't give ourselves enough time to make it perfect because we are too busy putting it off.

I wrote a blog post in 2008, on my Myspace blog about a conversation I had with my manager about perfection versus excellence. Here it is:

My very wise and intelligent manager set me some homework over the weekend.

I was telling her how I was disappointed with my assignment result - even though I got a credit, I aimed higher.

She asked me to have a think about the difference between excellence and perfection.

So I did, and this is what I came up with.

Perfection is when you are completely satisfied with the end product and you don't think it needs refining.

And excellence is when your audience is satisfied with your end product.

That means, my audience was a newspaper readership, I wrote it well enough for them, therefore it had to be excellent. Well, in my eyes, it was good.

So when I discussed this with her and my other manager today, she agreed.

She told me not to beat myself up over not producing perfect work, and to have a think about who my audience is.

Most of the work I do is for other people, and in the academic world, my audience is a readership. Thus, it only has to be excellent, not perfect.

And when I am producing something for myself, that's when I put in the hard yards to ensure it's perfect. That's when I slave.

I love these little words of wisdom we exchange.

Whenever I embark on a new uni assignment or project at work, I try to think of this conversation about perfection versus excellence.

I hope I pluck up some confidence with these next two subjects and just do an excellent job, instead of worrying unnecessarily to achieve perfection.