Lady faves.

This post was written for I Support the Sisterhood - Jordy Lucas' project. It's a website showcasing the talents of women doing great things - artists, entrepreneurs, social good makers... They shine! Jordy used to be on Neighbours, playing Summer. Check out her Instagram too.

Some writers I've met in real life: Kerri Sackville, Pip Lincolne, Clem Ford, Jax Brown, Em Hawker, Fashion Hayley, Nicole Rouge

It can be a little lonely being an online writer. That seems like a contradiction, right? I mean, we are connected to others all the time online – through social media, blogs, skype and email. I’ve formed so many friendships and even professional networks – and because blogging is mostly done by females, But the act of writing and connecting is done alone – for me it’s on my couch or even in bed, snug in my pyjamas and sometimes with a wine beside me. I write in the evenings and on weekends. I have a day job too, so I’m surrounded by people all day. But those who don’t write don’t often understand the loneliness and also the friendships formed from being an online writer.

Writing as solo pursuit – and of course writing my life - means I’m inside my head a lot. I think and dream and write constantly – my electronic and paper notebooks are filled with ideas and paragraphs and half-finished blog posts. I write about what it’s like to look different and hope add a more diverse face and voice into the media. I’ve been blogging for a long time – on and off since 2001 – my current blog is almost six years old. Through writing my life, I’ve come to know me, and also wider issues. In a podcast interview, Tavi Gevinson said something that resonated with me deeply: "In writing about my own life, I come to new ideas that are larger than myself." It’s been that case for me too – I’ve come to identify with and learn about disability issues, and immerse myself in that community. And it’s wonderful.

Most of my friends are inside the computer. On the internet. I’m not antisocial or withdrawn. In fact, I’m more social than ever – chatting away with the TV on in the background, or sending texts to besties through the day. And increasingly, my friends are crawling out from the computer, appearing in 3D at events and meet ups – and I relish those social occasions. The energy in that room is incredible.

I recently went to Problogger conference where more than 700 bloggers came together to learn and to socialise. Of these, less than 70 attendees were men. It was a fantastic chance to catch up with old friends and make new friends, and discuss blogging with people who truly get it. They know how hard it is to just turn off the computer when a bad comment comes through, and why I maximise my walk to work by scheduling social media posts for the day. They understand the need to jot ideas down as soon as they come, and are totally fine with a table of friends photographing and then Instagramming dinner (a really good friend shines light over a plate of food when the restaurant lighting is bad!). They also love the rush of crafting a great blog post or article.

At Problogger, there was talk of having an accountability partner. That is, a person you can tell your goals to, and have them keep you on track. They’ll check in to see how you’re progressing, give you a prod when you need it, and offer you a hug, a wine and lots of reassurance when you’re feeling like a failure. They’ll also celebrate your milestones. Because they believe in you. And you’ll do the same for them. I was thinking of who my accountability partner is. And I have a few.

I have a number of friends who I bounce ideas off. We all write about the same sorts of issues – disability, chronic illness and appearance diversity – and the politics and pride surrounding them. We are all really feisty, independent women wanting positive change for people on the fringes. It can be hard to discuss seemingly progressive ideas with others outside of the disability pride movement – and so it’s great to be able to have robust and supportive discussions with these friends. I call on one or two of these friends to proof read my articles before sending them off to my editors. And We are big sharers of each other’s work too. That’s super important.

I also have a really wise, caring friend who’s been a blogger for almost 10 years. She really knows blogology, and is a leader in forging her own path rather than following the masses, which I love. She’s not worried about page views or the latest trend. She cares about community and nurtures her own community beautifully. My friend encourages everyone to be their best, to live a creative life and just do things for the love of it. And she’s got my back.

A little while ago, I had an awful experience after I wrote an article. Of course writers put their opinions out there to be critiqued. But the delivery of the critique can hurt. A lot. And so when I was really hurting, she was there for me, checking in to see if I was ok, sharing and seeking lots of diverse opinions about the issue I wrote about over on her social media account, and reassuring me that I was still a good person despite a few people thinking (and saying) I wasn’t. Thanks to her, I felt so loved, and really cushioned during a not so nice time. Every blogger needs someone like my friend in their life.

It’s so important we show other writers we admire them by telling how great they are and by sharing their work. I always share things that are interesting and I really enjoy reading, and I do hope to boost the writer’s profile by sharing on my social media channels. Here are some blogs I love:

Pip Lincolne - reading Pip’s blog is like having a cup of tea with a friend. Pip also termed Lady Faves, and I've borrowed it for this post today!

Colour Me Anna – beautiful Anna writes about anxiety – I just love the way she uses colours as metaphors

Living with Bob – Michelle writes about living with a chronic illness, Dysautonomia.

Bruises You Can Touch – Carly-Jay writes dreamy verse, death midwifery and observations about life after a lung transplant

Frocks and Frou Frou – I LOVE Lilli’s wardrobe – especially the way she alters clothing to give them a personal touch.

View my original post on Jordy's website.

Listen to a podcast I did with Pip!

 

Wedding invitation sneak peek

I am hesitant to share too many details about our wedding on my blog or social media. I want it to be a surprise - for our guests, for our friends who can't be there on the day, and for my fiancé, of course. I now understand the element of surprise that brides want for their wedding. Only my Mum and bridesmaid have seen my dress, and I've had some fun with Mum showing her my secret Pinterest board of wedding inspo. I feel super organised, to avoid stress and rushing toward the end of the year. I can't wait for the big reveal - bring on March 2016.

Yesterday Camille (my bridesmaid) spent the day developing the design elements for the save-the-dates and invites, and closer to the time, these elements will be worked into the menus, table numbers and thank you cards. We are sending out email save-the-dates soon, followed by invitations, directions and advice about Melbourne in the mail.

I was inspired by my walk through The Tuileries in Paris last April - and this has been the base of the colour scheme for the wedding. These are my colours. I knew they would feature in the wedding immediately on that grey afternoon in Paris.

And so Camille worked her magic in photoshop and illustrator to put together a completely beautiful set of save the date cards and invitations. Fonts were chosen from DaFont within about a minute - we selected two fonts that are, as my friend said, "so evocative of love and happiness". They're titled 'Always and forever' and 'A ray of sunshine'. We laughed because she has a graphic design eye and I have a writer's eye - directing her to follow the writing style guide of minimal capitalisation and a strict date format (I did not step into Bridezilla territory, I promise!).  And Cam and I worked together to create a clever graphic - I'll let you know how it was done after the wedding!

Here's the almost finished draft.

Wedding invitation perfection. I am so lucky to have a BFF-bridesmaid who is amazing at graphic design. Very exciting!

On being afraid to blog.

(source)

Back in December, amidst the Reddit stuff, I was getting my boyfriend to moderate my blog comments because a few nasties were coming over - readers from the mainstream media I guess. I saw comments saying I'm seeking attention through telling my story, that I am faking Ichthyosis, and that I'm ugly and I should kill myself. Not nice. And then he took the blows for me, being my virtual shield and deleting the comments he didn't want me to see.

There was one comment that I happened to see - thinking I was brave enough to deal at that stage. I let it through, because really, it was a reflection on them and not me. It was from 'Sandy':

"Here's something negative, but not what you expect. There's more to Carly than ichthyosis - but not much more. Take that away and she is one of the most simple-minded and boring people you are ever likely to meet, she is prone to weird obsession (Darren Hayes, Bob Evans) and talks almost exclusively about ichthyosis, because it's all she has going for her, she is literally one-dimensional. If she didn't have that, and you met her, you would just keep on walking, she is the cardboard of people. She whores herself to the media, but she is in fact incredibly dull and incredibly boring. I know her personally, I know what I'm talking about. This has just given her the fuel she needs to crap on about it for the rest of her life!!! A crusade nobody asked for."

I tend to remember the hurtful comments far more than the thousands of lovely ones I've received. Stupid of me, really. The hatred from some anonymous comments sting, but words from some one who supposedly knows me seemed to cut deeper. It's weird hey? There has been people I know who tell me, face to face, they don't understand blogging, they don't understand the need for me to put my life out there. I've had performance appraisals in my day job. But a comment like this isn't like that. It's a judgement on personality - a comment on perceived blandness. Is blandness the trait we're most afraid of exhibiting?

I was wracking my brain to figure out who Sandy night be. I know a few Sandys in person, and I know they wouldn't waste their time leaving that comment. I figured Sandy is probably someone I met briefly at an event who caught me talking about what I'm passionate about, or who has summed me up from what I've spoken about on social media alone. The comment bugged me for a while - leaving me feeling a bit paranoid and worried that I just don't know enough. Maybe I am a bore? I jokingly replied that maybe I should be watching more quiz shows so I've got more than singers and Ichthyosis to talk about.

And then I told myself: Sandy's words and opinion should not matter, especially if they do know me and were not brave enough to say it to my face. And not everyone is going to like me or find me as interesting as I hope I am. Maybe I do piss people off for talking about what I'm passionate about. That's ok. And if Sandy and I do know each other in person, we probably aren't friends.

I met my lovely new friend Charlotte Lea who blogs at The Good Girl Confessional for dinner last month. She and I talked as much as each other - about blogging, disability, navigating airlines' special needs departments, love and why women tear other women down - especially when the ones being torn down are confident and happy. Charlotte wrote a post about that very topic. She has also received an email similar to the comment I received, from a person who claimed to know her, bringing down her happiness about being in love, plus a comment calling her a slut because she writes about sex over 40. She said, like me, that these sorts of personal attacks shocked her more than other blog comments she's received.

Charlotte said to me: "I've had nasty comments as you know from people who apparently know me. I can deal with differing opinions and it's quite healthy, but to read comments that are nasty, or threatening - it's quite disturbing. I do believe that it says much more about those commenting than about us! I think social media has created an amazing avenue for all to voice opinions and that's great. It does however allow people to hide behind computers while they espouse poisonous sentiments. Not liking my work is one thing. Calling names isn't called for nor is it necessary. I think interesting conversations and ethical debate is much more dignified!"

Charlotte is right - social media is an enabler of anonymous poison. Even now I hesitate to moderate my comments, as I still receive a lot of traffic from Reddit. I wonder what may be lurking there.

And it's probably obvious that aside from being extremely busy planning my trip, working my day job and on other writing and speaking pursuits, and in love, I've been rather absent from regular blogging this year. I'm shaken - from Reddit and from the comments that came after. This is different to the performance anxiety I sometimes feel before writing. It's not worrying that I won't be good enough - it's worrying what will be done with my picture?

Nothing I write here is as protected as I once felt it was. It all changed when I saw my image dissected on the dungeon of the Internet, and then a week later my words made fun of. I have a backlog of appearance diversity and ichthyosis awareness posts to edit and publish, but I have not wanted to in case the subjects' appearances are ridiculed like mine was. I have media requests I've not responded to and I've been overwhelmed by the hundreds of people who sent lovely messages - I want to reply to thank each of you soon, I really do, but it still feels a bit too raw. Sometimes it feels safer to share an anecdote or funny picture meme on my Facebook page. In all honesty, I've been afraid to blog.

I'm doing ok though.

I've thought a lot about self advocacy online since Reddit, the positive and negative aspects of being an online writer, and the idea of "you put yourself out there so expect criticism". I don't buy that. While I expect healthy debate to happen when opinions differ, and I know not everyone will like you (or me), online writers shouldn't bear the brunt of someone else's issues - be it misogyny, racism, ableism, jealousy or pure nastiness. I have many friends who write online, some who write about important issues, others who write just to entertain, and I've seen all of this behaviour targeted at them - some frighteningly extreme. And quite often the online outrage about an issue is disproportionate to the issue itself. Strong opinions, no matter how polarising, should not be a reason for rape or death threats.

There's bravery in being vulnerable online, in writing your opinion for the world to see and even sharing your photos. Writing online is no longer separate to real life - and there's a firm reminder of that when people who claim to know you in your real life come to rattle your bloggy windows. There's a happier reminder that life online is real life when you meet the wonderful friends you've made through blogging - just as I have.

And so, I will do my best to focus on the many, many positive comments that outweigh the very few negative ones.

I will continue to reaffirm that most new readers only know me from 500 words and a picture, so who are they to weigh me up?

I'll remind myself that I wont be everyone's cup of tea but I will be some people's shot of whiskey.

And I will try not to be so afraid of writing here anymore. I want to be back blogging more regularly.

Blogging is something I'm committed to and spent countless hours doing. More so, sharing my story and my photos to break down the stigma, fear and hate that I was on the receiving end is the very reason I blog. I love it and I won't let 'Sandy' and a few other anons knock me down.

 

Getting into my comfort zone after the Problogger Event - read: seeing a band. #pbevent

There was a bit of talk about getting out of your comfort zone at the Problogger Event. Darren Rowse said “getting out of your comfort zone is when sparks fly”. He talked about the people you meet and the opportunities that arise when you push yourself into doing something you may be a little afraid of, or go somewhere you might not want to go.

I am such a social person – I can be loud, I love meeting new people and I love talking. I enjoy hearing peoples' stories. I like having dinner with people and laughing. I have a diverse range of friends.

But I do crave alone time (it’s the only child/sole dweller in me) and also familiarity. While apparently my personality type is an ENFJ - which means I am an extrovert, I think I'm equal parts extrovert and introvert. Those tests are freakishly accurate, aren't they?! (There was talk of personality types at Problogger, and I just took my test.)

"An ENFJ:

- Prefers harmony to discord

- Outgoing and warm-hearted

- Genuinely interest in the feelings of others

- Often have a diverse range of friends and acquaintances

- Great at supporting and encouraging others

- Excellent organizers

- Seek approval from other people

- Organised and enjoy structure and careful planning.

- Likes sticking to a schedule - this makes them feel in control."

In between sessions at the Problogger Event, I wanted a little time out – some quiet, but also doing the stuff I like to do in every day life. I wanted to get myself into my comfort zone - at least for a few hours. Networking is tiring!

I read books and magazines on the plane, I dabbled my feet in the pool and I hung out with Clare, a friend who I met in New York last year. Clare came to the pre-conference party and we ate and drank at the Stingray Lounge at the QT hotel (great food!), then went back to my apartment for more drinks and icecream (hello Cold Rock cake batter icecream!) and a long overdue giggly chat.

And the next night, Clare and I went to see a band. Doing this sort of thing makes me feel at home, makes me feel like myself. Maybe seeing a band is my equivalent of going to a spa? It was a coincidence that Bob Evans (Kevin Mitchell) was playing on the Gold Coast when I was there. I left the Problogger party early (standing up and drinking at a party isn't really my thing, sitting down and drinking at a band is!), and Clare drove us to the Sound Lounge at Currumbin RSL where Bob Evans was playing. I find it interesting to see how audiences view bands in other places - levels of interest vs talking, camaraderie of fans (the fans here were very friendly and polite), the amount of singing along, and sitting vs standing. The Sound Lounge was a very relaxed venue - apparently Currumbin is not the Gold Coast that most people know.

(source)

Drinks were cheap, we sat on cushions on the floor, and I absorbed the music. I only took around three pictures of him playing – which is out of the ordinary for me – and had far more drinks than I usually have a gigs (again, out of the ordinary, because in Melbourne I have to focus on getting myself home safely). It was a fun night! Kevin played a new, yet to be released song with some affirming lyrics that Clare eagerly tweeted: "don't give up on yourself, 'cause you're the reason I get out of bed", and he also played two of my absolute favourites: Hand Me Downs and In Another Time. It was a great show!

Both Kevin and I discussed that we were too dressed up to be at a pub gig! (The patrons at the Sound Lounge were just lucky that I didn't choose the Carmen Miranda style fruit hat as part of my tropical costume for the Problogger party!)

What do you do to get into your comfort zone?

What personality type are you? Take a test here.

Do you like to see bands in other locations?

(You can view my other Problogger Event wrap up posts here.)

 

Nine awesome people I met at the Problogger Event #pbevent

I met lots and lots of people at the Problogger Event. There were simply too many to be able to meet everyone, but the people I did meet were all wonderful. Here’s just a few of the people I have come to know through Problogger (and some online prior to the conference), and think you should know them too.

Tamsin Howse - editor in chief at Kiki and Tea - I'm a sometimes contributor there. It was so much fun hanging out! (Note that I'm standing on my toes to be as almost as tall as Tamsin, and my eyes were a bit blinded by the morning sun!)

Economies of Kale – Liz blogs about chronic illness and healthy food. We sat next to eachother in the final session of the first day.

Jules Galloway – a natropath and another healthy eating blogger – a lovely woman who took me under her wing.

The Life of Clare – Clare is all about sustainable living, whole food cooking and travel. I met her early on in the conference, at the breakfast, and I introduced her to her blogging idol, Veggie Mama. Her fandom was very cute. Clare is expecting her first baby too!

The Plumbette - Bec a female plumber! I chatted to Bec sitting outside at lunch on the second day – she asked me lots about my blogging journey and she seemed so keen to learn.

Vanisha - I also met Vanisha early on during the breakfast (first world problem: the croissants were too scratchy for my face). Vanisha is a blogger from Canberra and she has also started a blogging mentoring website and program called The Purposeful Blogger. I went on a Gold Coast shopping tour with Vanisha and six other lovely ladies on Sunday.

Emma Stirling and Catherine Saxelby - I have met Emma and Catherine before - they're both dietitcians. I met Emma at the Heart Foundation cooking class and bumped into Catherine in New York on a food tour (so funny that we were on the same tour in such a big city!) and then we were at BlogHer together. These ladies are so inclusive, and they really care about healthy eating and social good.

Jacinta Tynan - I have followed Jacinta's newspaper columns for a little while now - I admire her as a writer. She asked a question at one session I attended, and I thought she looked familiar. I checked her twitter, looked at her, then tweeted to her that I think I am sitting next to her, and that I like her writing. We had a little chat - she is starting to blog after writing for the mainstream media for a long time. I also really loved her pink jeans and striped top!

I have truly made some good friends through blogging. I love meeting the people I get to know online in person. I only wished there was more socialising time at the Problogger Event!

If you were at Problogger, who did you bump into?

And what new blogs have you discovered recently?

 

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Walking Alongside Someone With A Visible Difference

It seems the more people I meet, and the more friends I make, the more I am reminded that people do treat me both normally and differently. Almost all of the new people who come into my life comment on how much they notice the staring. I never realised staring is that prominent until people remind me.

Tash, a friend I met through blogging, once said to me that she often forgets why people stare at us when we go out together. I am so used to being stared at and commented on that I forget what it must be like for my friends. Of course, I don't feel like my appearance is a burden on them, but I imagine the stares we receive must be just as tiring for them as it is for me. Camille has said that since her lung transplant (which means she no longer carries an oxygen tank with her), she's noticed a lot more stares when we go out together, because she no longer gets stared at alone.

James Partridge, CEO of and author of Changing Faces (the charity and book of the same name), wrote about how when people with visible differences are in the company of people with 'normal' looking faces, it can put strangers at ease during first time encounters - it shows that we are accepted by society. Partridge also wrote "being in a crowd with normal faced friends will almost certainly protect you from abuse and assure your integrity; the very fact of being with a normal-looking person will give you credibility." Furthermore, Partridge writes about implied slurs - people worrying their status of attractiveness could slip by you being in their presence. Partridge uses the example "You aren't pretty enough to be seen among us"; and adds "Nothing may be said, but the looks tell it all." Lifelong experience of having a visible difference has taught me how to read looks and hesitant behaviour from strangers (and sometimes people I know). I am not being paranoid, or thinking the worst of people - I just know these looks. There have been occasions where people have hinted they don't want me in their photo. And I'm certain that a reason for relationships not getting off the ground is that some boys have been embarrassed to be seen with me and not sure how to handle strangers' reactions.

My friends can also see reasons for me to be frustrated with ignorance, hurtful comments and discrimination, and how sometimes I can't keep on being polite. Recently I had dinner and a long, long chat with Kath, a friend who is missing part of two diagonal limbs. She is incredibly smart and funny, and very comfortable and confident about her disability. We were chatting about disability, and how it is just so tiring explaining and defending the way we look, and how we prefer to educate people on our own terms. She said that she is happy to stand in front of a lecture hall or write an article, but she doesnt want to educate people in her every day life just walking down to the shops. Which is the way I feel. I believe it's ok to only want to educate people on our own terms. When the taxi driver thing blew up in July, the things that annoyed me the most were that people expected me to educate everyone I meet - that I should be ok with answering every question that comes my way because I experience this all the time; and that I should also be polite in all my encounters. And for those who know me, and experience what I do by being a friend, can see that sometimes that's just not possible.

Tash has written her perspective of having a friend with a visible difference - it's one of the nicest things anyone has written for and about me.

"Carly and I have been good friends for over a year now, sharing laughs, going to new and different restaurants around Melbourne, attending movies and talks, and even travelling to Canberra together for the Human Brochure weekend. We have bonded over blogging, social media, and disability and other social justice issues we are both passionate about.

When the spotlight hit Carly amid the treatment she coped from a taxi driver a couple of months ago, and the positive and negative responses she got from highlighting this treatment, I was reminded how people see her and treat her differently. Because I often forget – she’s Carly to me! A vibrant, fun and funny friend, who is interested in many of the things I am.

I forget when we walk down a street together, or walk into a crowded restaurant, and people stare. Blatantly! I never remember why….I’m always so self conscious when it happens - “do I have my skirt tucked into my undies?” or “Do I have bird poo in my hair that I didn’t notice??” Oh no, I forgot, my friend is red and shiny….

This realisation, which also occurs at times when I read comments and tweets directed at her from the broader community, reminds me about how tiring it must be for her to be nice and pleasant in the face of such stares, comments and treatment by strangers, and how amazing it is that she does not react as most people would automatically react in such a situation. Given the volume of comments, intrusions and stares, she seems super human to me to withstand the Chinese water torture that is the constant drip drip drip of abuse and horrendously thoughtless comments. How lucky so many people think they are, to be in a position to judge someone else, because of their appearance.

I have also had a couple of different friends of mine talk to me about Carly and her story, and ask after her as you might after someone you know is in the hospital or someone going through some horrible time. It stops me in my thoughts, and makes me wonder if she may have been in an accident I didn’t know about, and thus the voice of concern. But then I always just mention that Carly is just living her life, just like everyone else – maybe I am too flippant, but I don’t see her as any different, in all seriousness! She’s working, socialising, chipping away at goals and dreams, writing, raising awareness for the things important to her, and things that matter and that should matter to all of us.

I have been told that because of my working history in disability and mental health, and my varied roles as a Social Worker, that my views are different to most people. That the average person doesn’t have the experience with people with disabilities that I do, and so it’s an unusual perspective. But I disagree.

You don’t need experience with difference to treat people as you would want to be treated. With dignity and respect. You don’t need a degree in disability to have empathy. You don’t need to work in the industry to have gained a glimpse into the experience, and recognise that people are people, regardless of each person’s range of abilities and challenges.

Am I wrong?

I wonder about people who are rude or horrible to Carly. Do they really not know anyone with a physical or intellectual or mental health difference? Really? The stats about our population would suggest otherwise. And so then I am even more baffled by people’s treatment of others.

I am endlessly in awe of Carly’s patience and resilience in standing up for herself, and other people with a visible difference. But she is still Carly to me! I will always take the piss out of her for her different music tastes and her complete ignorance about sports, just as I would anyone else. I will challenge her on things I don’t agree with, just as I would with any other friend. And I will banter and laugh along with her at the range of things we come across every day. Because surely we are all the same, in the end."

You can read Tash's blog, and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

 

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A friend indeed. Internet friends are the same as real life friends.

I had written 1000 words on online friendship, and then I lost it. The app crashed. Which doesn't represent the nature of online friendships in my experience. (Salvaged words are never as good as original words, even when they come with double the thinking. But they'll do.)

The friends you meet online are real. The boundaries of "in real life" and on the Internet are broken. The relationships formed online are just as strong as those I've formed at university or the workplace or at a band. And the loss of an Internet friend can hurt just as much as a break up with a friend you've spent years with. Some people don't believe in the validity of online friendships. They're just an avatar. Do you know what they're really like? But I believe in them.

Even though someone I met online and loved for more years than it was worth lied to me about his entire life for six years, I'm not afraid to meet a friend from the Internet. It's not a great unknown anymore.

The Internet allows me many types of friendships. I communicate with people who I see in person on a regular basis. I keep in touch with those I don't see so often. Internet friends have become real life friends. Some real life friends don't set finger or cast an eye on the Internet. And there are many friends I've never met but talk to online most days. And just because I've never met someone in person, doesn't mean I don't value them as much as the ones I've spent years with. Online friends are always there. And they understand the nature of online friendships, never dismissing them.

The gorgeous Nathalie from Easy Peasy Kids - who I've met at various blogging events and talk to online - sent me a beautiful bunch of flowers and a purple unicorn the other day. Such a surprise that brought me happy tears. It's pretty special to get a hand delivered gift from an online friend. Thank you Nathalie :)

Many friends I've met online are friends I now see on a regular basis. My best friends. Like Cam and Tash - our meetings ALWAYS involve food. Guaranteed.

I met Yvonne in Bristol just before my Appearance Matters talk. She and I have been Facebook friends for a couple of years, but before then, I only knew her through the Christmas cards she'd send each year. The best thing is that my Dad and Yvonne are massive Liverpool fans and they used to go to Liverpool matches together in the UK in the 1970s. Dad hasn't seen Yvonne since 1976 - and this year they'll be meeting for the first time in nearly 40 years when Liverpool play Melbourne Victory! So excited for them - and so pleased we connected online.

Some friends I've met in my day job, through working in virtual teams across the country. We call each other for work advice, to debrief and chat on our messenger system. Dane is one of those friends - I had to call him as a part of my day job six or seven years ago, we've kept in touch ever since, and we finally met in real life in March. He is the loveliest.

I also met Tamsin in real life that night - she's the editor of Kiki and Tea - also a colleague if you like. We met initially on Mamamia as commenters and then our friendship flourished on Twitter. Again, she was so lovely in real life. Dane also walked Tamsin back to her bus and they had quite the conversation which she blogged about. :)

One windy Wednesday I met Friday (confused?!) who happened to be in Melbourne from Brisbane. She's a blogger and disability activist, doing wonderful things in her No Permit No Park initiative. Though our time together was only a lunch hour, we talked non stop and still chat most days on Twitter.

Last year a blogger friend Linda messaged me telling me she'd bought tickets to see The Living End in Melbourne on a whim (she's from Perth - and TLE's biggest fan ever) and asked if I wanted to come. We dined at Movida and Fonda, and watched The Living End Play. We also met earlier this year when she came to Melbourne to chase a band again (I LOVE her fandom!). Linda is an amazing writer, and we've bonded over blogging, Darren Hayes and our visible differences. I'm so glad I met this lady!

I was 100% myself when meeting these Internet friends in real life. Unlike some of the awkward Internet dating experiences, I didn't ever feel the need to explain myself or apologise for myself in any way. They already got to know me in great depth online.

I understand the apprehension people may have meeting friends from the Internet in real life. Here's my advice:

• Meet in a public place or in a group the first time you meet.
• While I don't think you should lower your expectations, I do think you need to be mindful that your friend may be a little different in person to what they are online. They may be quieter or louder or just the same. That's ok.
• Be yourself. Isn't that what brought you together as friends in the first place? If you feel stuck for words, chat about the things you chat about online. I swear it's more fun when you can laugh together.

If there's an online friend you want to meet in real life, I encourage you to do it. In most experiences I've had, the real life meeting has strengthened the friendship.

I love how the Internet allows us to meet people with common interests through search terms, blog posts, mutual friends and conversations. I also love how it enables us to meet people we may never stumble across in our daily lives. How often do you chat to the man sitting across from you on the train? How often do you make friends with a stranger on the Internet?

Have you met your Internet friends in person? Did you become closer? What advice would you give people wanting to meet their friends from the Internet?

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Yesterday Essential Baby picked up one of my Ichthyosis Awareness Month stories - my Mum's story. I made it into a Two of Us type feature. So proud that we are published together on Fairfax. Read it here.

Also, I'm over on iVillage today.

Thanks for having me :)

Happy Friday! It's my first work from home day today - I've got a list and I'm going to get stuff done.

 

(Almost) 30. The party. Some thoughts. Much ♥

I am clinging onto the last days of my twenties. On Thursday I won't be a '20something just telling it how it is'. I'll be older. More responsible. Wiser. 30. Still telling it how it is, probably.

Last night I had my 30th birthday party at a fantastic restaurant called Queen Street Rescue. Today, in a sign of getting older, my almost 30 year old body feels weary and I have a headache from too many Moscatos and lemon-vanilla-vodka cocktails. Though my weariness could also be from the shop-til-I-dropped day yesterday. Or from seeing the Foo Fighters on Friday night and not getting home until 1 am. Or dinner out with Stella Young the night before that. Or the channel 31 Christmas party on Wednesday night. Too much action to be had this week. It is indeed the Festival of Carly.

The party was fantastic. It was very me - an elegant dinner and drinks with my parents and good friends. I received some beautiful presents including funds for my New York trip, travel books, a vintage bag, jewellery, a gourmet food hamper, jewellery and gift vouchers (and more!). I got a stunning box of macarons from La Belle Miette...

And a mix tape from an old friend who was one of the first to introduce me to music - I laughed so hard at the cover - Savage Sons!!!

My gifts were gorgeous and I cannot thank my parents and friends enough for them. They are very generous. (There's a few gifts on my kitchen table from friends who couldn't make it - the three year old in me is saving these until my actual birthday.) And the messages that were written in my cards are so kind and heartfelt.

But above the gifts was how loved my parents and friends made me feel. Just by being present at my party. People traveled from far away to celebrate with me. A friend from uni - I carried his beer up the hill at O-Week, and he can't believe how extroverted and drinky and sweary I am since the uni days! A friend from school who I am so glad I recently reconnected with - my new shopping partner. A friend I worked with at the department store. Blogger friends Cheryl (a slave to the party hat) and Heidi. The girls I met at high tea. My babysitter and her (hot new) husband. The friends who I'd come down to stay with in Melbourne - when they were 30 and I was 17 - and they'd take me shopping and to bands (they made me the mixtape!). Friends from No Limits. Friends I work with. And my wonderful, kind, patient, generous (and sometimes strict) parents - the best parents anyone could wish for.

My Dad wrote some powerful words in the card. They made me cry.

Dear Carly. You've made it - 30 at last. How can we ever forget the day when we returned from the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne without you. We didn't think you would make it, and neither did they. Thank God for the doctors. Love you heaps - Dad.

Wow.

I think about how lucky I am. How sick I was. How difficult things have been sometimes. And how far I've come. I am so thankful for every day, every opportunity, the fantastic times I have had, and all the friends and family I have who have supported, encouraged and believed in me. So much love. Thank you everyone for making me feel very special, and celebrating with me. I love you all.

My fabulous friend and social media manager extraordinaire Jess and her husband.

 Cheryl - slave to the party hat

 Heidi and I

 Ben (uni friend) and I - I'm so very quiet and reserved.

 The boys from No Limits.

 Heidi and Ben

 Steph - looking beautiful

 Probably not my best face. But no wrinkles!

 Upside down, upside down. Hurry upppppp.

 Some serious No Limits reporter faces.

 Country girls.

 Simona and I

There is always a way to meet new friends

While the number of friends I have has expanded by what seems like (and Facebook can prove it - Facebook doesn't lie) by 1000+, there's always room for new friends. And honestly, it can be hard making and keeping friends. This weekend I have made a few new friends.

It started off at a birthday party on Friday night where I initially only knew the birthday girl before some mutual friends came. And she introduced me to others who had come on their own, and before we knew it, we were new friends. I felt so included. I met the birthday girl and mutual friends on Twitter.

It helped that there were cocktails in hand. I take drinking very little to the extreme, and almost four cocktails for me was like drinking a case of beer. There was a chocolate one, a bit too alcoholy tasting for me.

Then this one, the one that was wrongly delivered to our table. It was a margerita.

 At the time of drinking, I wrote this:

We didn't really steal the cocktail
It was delivered to the wrong table.
So we drank it.
I asked my new friends if they got cold sores before I drank my share.

Then there was a Turkish delight one. By far the best.

 And lastly, the margerita custard. A little bit good, a little bit yuck.

There were some cute but boring boys who sat near us. I had a Cinderella moment and rushed off. And then it was bed.

On Saturday, I woke up fine. Other than a sore bruised leg. I had some unclassy chips, gravy and cheese for breakfast (they must be healthy if they're from an award winning vegetarian takeaway) and then headed to the classy National Gallery of Victoria for High Tea.

 I had a tea flower. It was fun to watch.

 And generated lots of discussion.

 My tea flower took a while to bloom.

 Once it did, it looked beautiful.

Unfortunately, like the cute but boring boys on Friday night, the tea was beautiful but tasteless.

The occasion was a meet of Vogue Forum members. I'd been to two previously. This one was by far the best. The girls on my table were lovely. Intelligent, interesting, stylish, interested, funny and committed to making new friends.

I had an epiphany at the table. I was having such a good time. We talked for hours. And I've already lined up a second meeting with one girl on Wednesday night.

And towards the end, I met a blogger who I recognised!

The super elegant Le Blog de Sushi! She was so lovely and so well dressed.

I came away from the gallery feeling good about myself. It was wonderful to have good conversation, laughs and desserts with these girls. I hope to see them again.