The time I met Dooce (and what she taught me about handling criticism).

Last Friday I saw Heather B Armstrong (Dooce) speak at Problogger. She spoke about the criticism she has received over 14 years of blogging. (She started blogging in 2001, "right after I hopped of my dinosaur"). As her session began, a recording played over the AV - her reading out the hate-mail she received. Things about her looking anorexic and people saying they hope she gets cancer and dies. She looked visibly upset, hardened from the abuse. She said she can't go to a play date with her children in case someone writes about her online. It was heartbreaking. The criticism on top of life's regular challenges can be unbearable.

Heather said the people who leave awful feedback are more deserving of our compassion than those who send praise. She believes blog critics have unprocessed pain all through their lives.mthey do not think bloggers are human. They are hurting.

It's easy to shake it off once, she said, but "until you run into criticism again, you're going to have to shake it off more". It escalated exponentially as her profile has risen. She advises against being defensive about the criticism - "There is no use for that emotion or energy whatsoever", she said. Being defensive never prepared her for the next wave of criticism.

She spoke of the lack of understanding from people who don't blog - they don't understand why criticism upsets us. It upsets us because we write from the heart - especially those of us who are personal bloggers. Our lives are on the line.

But we have to continue to tell our stories (and I believe only our stories as personal bloggers) - to make a difference to the world, to help othersMans to help ourselves. We have to write bravely. And readers need to respect that.

She seems like one of those writers whose entire body is impacted by the writing process - words tumbling out like she is running the race of her life, wiping her brow with relief when the final full stop is placed. "Courage is telling our story not being immune to criticism. If it didn't sting I wouldn't be able to tell the story."

Heather referenced one of my favourite writers Lindy West - recalling the story of when Lindy confronted her troll. I admire the strength of both these women, so when they tweeted me, I fangirled. Tellingly, as soon as Heather responded, a troll came out to play. Ugh.

I really liked how she told readers how to deliver constructive criticism: "constructive criticism is saying 'here's how you could have handled this better' so we can be self aware in righting wrongs". She encouraged readers to leave constructive criticism to do it politely, tactfully and kindly.

She also monetised the hate - taking the hate-mail and creating a blog and covering it in advertising. She made $10,000. What a way to benefit from a horrible situation. Here's that blog.

She ended by giving bloggers permission to shut down the criticism, to not give them airtime. "No one gets to come into your living room and take a poo on your floor. Delete negative comments." She also doesn't advise that we seek out negative comments about us (or for our friends to let us know we are being discussed). (She actually said 'poop' but I hate that word so I shortened it!)

I had goosebumps after her talk. So vulnerable, courageous and wise. It is hard to switch off as an online writer, and while the level of criticism and hate I've received has been small compared to others, it's there. And it can be frightening, and every harsh message makes me question my ability and place as a writer. Yesterday I posted something on Facebook about petroleum products and I saw the messages coming through and was terrified I'd be attacked for using paraffin for my skin. Because it's happened before.

While I think her talk might have scared new bloggers off, I don't think we should give up writing because of these critics. I think we need to look after ourselves, seek help when we need it, keep talking about ourexperiences to our blogging friends and colleagues and taking time away occasionally. It's so important these haters don't take over our esteem and talent. We need to cushion the blows as best as we can.

I snuck up the back of the room with a friend to meet Heather. I told her that I knew of her, but hadn't read her blog so had no preconceptions. She was grateful for that.

I told her about Reddit, and how I turned the hateful conversation around. I was so thankful - finally I heard from someone who knew a little of what I went through because of Reddit.

You can't switch off. These haters are hurting - while we are living our lives, they are so miserable in theirs, they bring others down. But we don't have to let them in. Thank you Heather Armstrong. I needed you in December 2013.

There's a lot more I have to share about her talks at Problogger - especially about her beliefs about personal blogging. Stay tuned.

 

Six Instagram accounts I love (plus an Instagram tip from me).

When I was at Problogger, I saw a speaker called Jadah Sellner who spoke about growing an instagram following. She had some great tips which are easy to implement. Her number one tip was to engage authentically with others. Jadah runs an account called Simple Green Smoothies - she's got 300,000 followers which she and her business partner have cultivated since 2012. Jadah uses Instagram to share photos of green smoothies and through genuine connection and trust, brings followers back to her blog to sign up for free and paid smoothie challenges.

Jadah is community minded - and gave this great advice:

I believe this too, Jadah, I do.

I love Instagram. It allows me to show bits of my life. I keep it real - showing my cooking (including a spilt bowl of porridge!), fashions and sunsets. Instagram, has worked well for me to tell mini stories between blog posts, or to promote (or summarise) blog posts.

I also use it to share information about Ichthyosis, and find others with the condition. I love how it connects me with others who have Ichthyosis - because of hashtags. If you have a niche blog or instagram account, use hashtags so people can find you and your cause. That's my number one tip.

Mostly, I love looking at others' photos. Instagram is a window to the #SoBlessed soul. People are so talented. And lead beautifully curated lives. That's typed with irony. Because I know Instagram is just a showreel of the best bits of someone's life. But it can be a nice escape from yours too.

I want to share some of my favourite Instagram accounts with you, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

@VanillaZulu

Mel from Vanilla Zulu is a foodie. It's not surprising why I like her - amazing photos of food, and she also runs a cookery school in Brisbane. Just look at that cheese platter! Wedding inspo right there.

@poppyseedhouse

Sharon from Poppyseedhouse lives in Suffolk, UK. She takes beautiful photos of buildings, weddings, gardens and children. I love the ethereal nature of her work. Stunning.

@heidiapples

My friend, HeidiApples, who is a nutritionist, makes the most amazing whole foods. I love her breakfasts (that's chocolate porridge up there!), her food styling and her cute baby bump (she's going to be a mum next month!). You won't be disappointed. She blogs at Apples Under My Bed.

@rarepearstudio

Shani from RarePearStudio is an amazing artist. So bloody talented. Everything she paints is pretty. We've collaborated on something exciting - watch this space. Shani and I met at Problogger after months of talking online - she's very funny.

@into_the_fold

Instagram has got me into home porn. I mean, not literally making pornography at home. Just eyeing off beautiful interiors. Into_The_Fold sells waterproof cushions and its Imstagram account features beautifully decorated rooms. I love the kids' rooms the best - cluck cluck. Sigh. My room would never be that amazing.

@kellysnaphapoy

KellySnapHappy does wonderful things with flowers, balloons and icecream cones. I would love to buy a print of hers and hang it in my house. Stunning.

I'm going to share some bonus tips:

Canva is my favourite app to create infographics. It's free and can be used in an app or online.

I love Diptic for framing multiple photos.

I use my (gifted) Olympus Pen epl-7 for taking most of my photos now. It's great because I can transfer the photos to my iPhone by wifi immediately! Magic.

And SquareReady makes rectangular photos fit into an Instagram square.You can get that app from the Google Play or iTunes stores.

Hope they help!

While watching Jadah speak, my Instagram account clicked over to 3000 followers! Last conference, it clicked over to 2000. I said to Jadah that because I'm a personal blogger, I am my own brand, and I share my life as a whole with the world, and to show life beyond Ichthyosis. She said I am doing ok. You can follow me @carlyfindlay.

Who are your favourite Instagrammers? Got any tips for me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How I achieved my goal after a blog conference (and a cute printable for you!).

This week is #PBEvent - the annual Problogger conference! I am so excited! Blog conferences are SO inspiring. Every session I’ve been to has taught me something, and more often than not, the speakers’ stories have given me the incentive to do more. Write more, develop a product, create an event, be a better person. I leave blog conferences so energised and full of creativity (and also a little exhausted due to said energy and creativity!)

Being surrounded by people who just *get* me and being driven to do more at the conference makes it hard for re-entry into the ‘real world’ – where some people think blogging and social media is frivolous, or at worse, dangerous. (I’ve seen a lot of posts from my American friends about how hard re-entry has been post BlogHer. Arnebya, who I met at BlogHer’12 said when she returns to work after BlogHer, the things that hit her the hardest are “the lack of lanyards, tiny desserts, and howling laughter that make her stomach muscles scream”.)

So it’s important to keep the momentum from the blog conference going long after it ends. You can keep that momentum going by setting a goal.

Your goal might be just to write more each day. Or create a content schedule. Or connect with a new exciting person on social media once a week. Or to keep in contact with some of the awesome people you met at the conference. Or if you are like me (overly ambitious), your goal might be elephant sized. Like creating a real-life meet. Or writing a book. Or developing a blog course. (I don’t want to brag but I’ve done two of those since PBEvent14!)



I was inspired to create the Australian Ichthyosis Meet at last year’s conference. And so I did (with a lot of hard work and a few tears). Community and social good was a big theme of the 2014 Problogger Event.

Darren Rowse (Problogger) talked a lot about community at the event. I saw a video of Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim meeting with her blog readers and I wanted to do that. And Pat Flynn encouraged bloggers to create an opportunity for our community to meet with each other.

These messages were what kept me going from September 2014 to May 2015.

I planned my goal from the day I got home (hurrah for an annual leave day!). And here’s how I did it. (This isn’t about how I planned the event – that post will be coming soon!)

I wrote down my goal.

That kept me accountable. I wrote it in a notebook and on the internet – I was publicly accountable.

I told someone the intricacies of my goal.

I learnt to only tell someone who would nurture my idea as much as I did. I didn’t need anyone telling me that I couldn’t or shouldn’t make this happen. (The people who didn’t nurture my goal suggested I should stop being proud of creating this event. Hence why I learnt only to tell people who would nurture my goals in future.)

I set a timeline.

I consulted with people who were interested in attending the Australian Ichthyosis Meet and gave them a few options of when and where it would be held. And when consensus was provided, I worked to that date. The meet took nine months planning. My baby. 

I connected with people who could help me.

• I connected with brands at blogging events and via email and phone calls. It was so cool to work with Random House, Mad Man Entertainment, MooGoo, Olympus and more!
• I asked people who know how to do things that I didn't. Adam made the chalk board! (And for this post, I got someone awesome to make my printable - Robyna May!) 
• I asked some blogging friends to assist on the day – Nathalie from Easy Peasy Kids was the kids’ coordinator, and Nicole from Champagne and Chips helped with bag organisation and meeting and greeting guests.
• While I could have written my media release, a friend wrote it for me as I didn’t have time. 
• Years ago I met a lovely lady in the green room at No Limits. She and her partner were the event facilitators. 
• I crowd funded the event. 

I broke my big goal down into little goals.

There are lots of steps in achieving a goal. These are all little goals. Working on them and achieving each of these makes a big goal more manageable. My main little goals were booking a venue, raising funds, collecting donations for giveaways, promoting the event so people would come, developing an agenda, briefing the medical team and putting together the goodie bags for the day. Phew!

Do you want to write a book? Make your first goal to create an ebook so you get into the practice of writing and have something to pitch. Then get a literary agent. Then write 1000 words a day. Then organise your book into chapters. Although - what do I know?! I haven't written a book yet - but I'd like to!

I knew my weaknesses.

I’m no good at arty and numerical stuff, so I get others to help me. I am getting better at graphics but I still ask for help.

Maybe you need help with events planning or coding. You can ask others to do these things (DELEGATE!) or you can skill yourself up in them (if you have time!). Take a short course (or check out free ones on MOOC) or ask someone in this field if you can intern with them to learn stuff. 

I played on my strengths and used my networks.

I am really lucky to have been working as an events planner and communicator for many years in my day job, so these skills helped me plan my event.

I also collaborated with some brands for my events – brands who I’d met through blogging. I wrote them email pitches (explaining my event, asking for products, telling them how I would promote them) and showcased their donations on social media. I went outside of my comfort zone, attending a parenting-bloggers’ event, because my new audience for this event was parents.

You build so many skills as a blogger. Writing, photography, marketing, social media… use them! And connect with the people you meet along the way!

I was prepared for hurdles.

Fortunately not much went wrong with achieving this goal. There were a few hiccups but nothing that I couldn’t handle. I had my Mum and Adam to vent to. I couldn’t adjust the timeframe, but I could scale down the event if needed. 

And then  event happened! I remember thinking, I can't believe it's here! I can't believe people came and believed in me! 

Whether you go to #PBEvent or another conference, I know you'll be inspired to do something awesome. Whether it's a big event for lots of people like I organised, or a smaller personal event, I wish you luck! I hope my tips help!

Here’s a cute printable for you to use when creating your goal after a blog conference (or after it comes to you anywhere really – my goal to write this post about goals came to me while I was in the loo!)

And here is a link to the PDF. 

Have you got any tips for goal setting?

Tips for meeting people at blog conferences.

It’s three weeks until the ProBlogger Event (#PBEvent). I cannot wait. I’ll be in my element, learning about all things blogging and being surrounded by likeminded people, and I’m also glad for the warmth of Queensland.

Blogging conferences leave me inspired and drained. It’s exhausting learning, networking and socialising. (And drinking.)

I seem to be an extrovert, but I really do like my alone time. At times, I feel socially awkward, not knowing what to say or who to talk to. I have had to work really hard to put myself out there after so many years of feeling alone. I do get overwhelmed - especially because I am easily recognisable but don't recognise others very well – and I hope that my vagueness doesn’t make me seem unapproachable. If I don't recognise you, say hello and let me know who you are!

Kelly Exeter wrote a great post on kicking arse at a blog conference as an introvert, and Talking Frankly wrote one about the difficulties of being an extrovert (I admit to being intimidated by her when she told me she would out-tweet me last year!). The aim of my post is to provide some advice about meeting people at blogging conferences - whether you're an introvert or extrovert.

Bloggers are people too.

There are no celebrity bloggers. No blogger is better than you just because they’ve been around for longer or won an award or belong to a really cool group. They are just bloggers who are people too. Thinking like that can lead to disappointment!

Remember that blogger you place on a pedestal was also once starting out as a blogger.

Don’t think that someone doesn't want to speak to you. They might be dealing with their own anxiety or networking with a brand or catching up with a friend they've not seen in ages. As mentioned, I was on the receiving end of someone being disappointed when they met me – and that hurt.

Go up and say hello!

A blogger recently told me they sat at the same table as me for a day-long event but was too shy to talk to me. So I didn’t get to discover how awesome she is, and she told me she left regretting not saying hi.

Don't be too shy to talk to someone you admire online in person- just go up and say hi. It makes me sad when other bloggers tell me they were too scared to talk to me – because I genuinely want to meet so many wonderful people. Speaking of, I caught up with Clare recently - I love this lady and don't see her often enough!

Make time to catch up.
If you really want to catch up with someone there (and not sure if you will get time or be confident walking up saying hello), send them a tweet or PM beforehand saying 'I love what you do and hope to see you at Problogger, fancy a coffee at 8 am?'. They’ll probably be really flattered and love to spend time with you. Catching up might lead to opportunities like guest posting or collaboration on exciting projects!

I have this personal motto that might seem a little up myself – but it’s something I try to follow at conferences. ‘Make myself known to those who need to know me.’ So, if there’s an editor I want to pitch myself to, or a brand representative that I’d love to work with, I’ll go chat with them, give them my business card and tell them I really like their work.

Don’t be haunted by the comparison thief.
It’s easy to feel like everyone’s doing so much more than you! Blog conferences showcase speakers who have had oodles of success – making a full time wage, getting a book deal, speaking at amazing international events, partnering with global brands, getting ten thousand hits a day, nailing SEO… You might leave feeling deflated. Or you could leave feeling inspired. I just want you to leave feeling that you and your blog are enough. If 100 people read your blog a week, that’s enough. If someone has written to you to tell you you’ve helped them, that makes blogging worthwhile.

Take some time out for you.

Blogging conferences can be overwhelming. So many people! So much information and advice to take in. And I’ve felt a real sense of evangelism being surrounded by people who just it. They just get blogging and personal branding and social media for social good. I also tend to live tweet every session I attend, which makes me concentrate really hard. By 3.00 pm, I feel burnt out.

So it’s nice to retreat to my hotel room, spend some time at the bar or pool with a friend, or even taking a few deep breaths in the toilet (even if it means being discovered by a fangirl – which is REALLY flattering, seriously!).

Don’t try to do it all at a blogging conference. Skip a session each day. Zone out on the plane before and after the event. Get some good food into you. Order room service. Hug a friend. Be yourself.

I’m booking a manicure this year. I just want to be pampered.

Are you going to Problogger? Any tips? Please say hello!

Click here for more blogging tips.

Ten things I learned about furthering my speaking career at Problogger

I went to the speakers session at Problogger because honestly, I'd like to expand my speaking career. One of the things I'm hesitant about is negotiating a fee - I never know how much to charge, what others are charging, and whether, if I am speaking at an event for a cause, it's fair to charge a fee? Many events don't have a speakers fee, or have a very minimal fee. But like freelance writing, speeches take time - in writing and thinking, and I believe the event organiser should place a value on experiences and information shared by the speaker.

Experienced speakers Yvonne Adele (formerly Ms Megabyte) and Trevor Young gave some great tips for speakers that are easy to implement.

(source)

"A keynote speech is 3 main headings and 9 speaking points."

"If you're not confident to speak alone, get a trusted speaker friend to interview you in a conversation or panel."

"Your bio on your blog and for speaking engagements should be in first person. It should be about the effect you have on others."

"Your personal brand is your blog, your voice on twitter, a personal interaction. Be mindful. Your brand attracts business."

"Create a speaking section on your blog, telling readers you're available to speak. Upload a video of a full length speech online for future clients to see. Or create a show reel of best speaking engagements plus testimonials for future clients."

"Take your 10 most popular blog posts, turn into a Word document, brand & PDF it. Now it's an ebook. It is value adding to your speech."

"Capture your audience at your speaking events by connecting with them immediately. Ask them to leave your cards on their seat and add their details to your mailing list."

"If you're speaking for a cause, charge no less than $500. If you are the draw card for the event, charge $7000."

"Become an authority in your area of specialisation. People will ask you to write and speak."

"At the point when you know you're speaking/bureau agency ready, you'll probably get a call from them. They charge 30% commission."

Thanks Yvonne Adele and Trevor Young for the valuable information.

Read more of what I learnt at Problogger here.